Assault At Mitchell’s Tavern In Tonawanda

     Three hours ago, my wife and I began a typical bar assignment for the Buffalo News Gusto at Mitchell’s Tavern on 734 Sheridan Drive in Tonawanda.  Like any other bar review, I called a bunch of my friends in the vicinity and invited them out.  My buddy Mike (who I’ve known for over four years) met us up at Mitchell’s.  Mike is a genuinely decent guy.  He got there before us and bought a pitcher for me ahead of time out of pocket.  The beginning of the evening progressed like any other bar review I’ve written since I started writing them for Buffalo Beat in 2001: a group of friends having a fun night out while I observed objectively and took notes far away enough from the bar that the establishment was unaware of my presence or intent.
     Around ten o’clock, a drunken man with a crew cut at the bar started arguing with the bartender about his money clip.  According to him, someone had stolen the $400 in cash that he brought to the bar and he started accusing the bar, the patrons around him, and anyone else within earshot.  Again, I’ve been writing bar and strip club reviews long enough to tell when a customer is psychotic, angry, or looking for a reason to wind himself up.  In the mean time, Mike (who had been inside with us the entire time prior) went outside to take a phone call.  Minutes later, one of the regulars came in with the money clip and let this person know that a man in the parking lot had found his money.  Instead of being relieved, the guy (I refuse to use the descriptor ‘gentleman’ where he’s concerned) became angry and wanted to know where he was.  The lounge area was full at Mitchell’s and the staff, patrons and the band watched the evening unfold.  This reprehensible piece of shit stormed outside in a fit of rage.  I thought nothing of it until Lindsay wondered if Mike was the person in question.
     I went outside to smoke a cigarette and see what was going on.  The picnic table where everything happened is less than six feet from the main entrance at the side of Mitchell’s and five people or more were boxing Mike in while the main neanderthal was fighting with Mike.  A group of ten or more other patrons were shouting insults and encouraging this kind of mob activity.  I jumped into the mix and put this idiot in a headlock to hold him off from my friend.  After a few minutes, somebody pulled this man aside and another onlooker remarked that the Tonawanda police had been called.  I started demanding to anyone within earshot that I see the manager on duty or the owner.  During this entire altercation, one of the bartenders was outside watching the action.  One of this guy’s friends began telling me that I should calm down and that there was no manager present.  I stormed back inside to find any kind of authority figure and the main instigator’s buddy came inside and continued to harass me for aggravating the person who’s money was ’stolen’.  
     Once it was obvious that Tonawanda Police were on their way, the owner (Nick Christou) suddenly appeared and introduced himself.  Mike came inside (his glasses were knocked off) and Nick apologized for what happened.  He feigned compassion minutes before the Tonawanda Police showed up.  My wife Lindsay was so aggravated by the situation that she took my keys and said that she’d wait in the car.  I found out later that the mob outside verbally harassed her on the way to the car.
     Two Town Of Tonawanda Police Officers showed up and took a report from all relevant parties.  Mike explained that he took a phone call and saw this man’s money clip (with his driver’s license attached) sitting in the parking lot.  He asked a smoker outside if they knew the person in question.   That was when the girl came inside and the fight started.  The officers logging the incident did the best they could under the circumstances and while they were present, the owner was appropriately present and apologetic. 

     I was so infuriated over the situation (in addition to wanting to check on my wife in the car) that I went outside for a smoke after speaking with the police.  I checked on Lindsay and she told me that the group of ten or more shit-starters directly outside the main entrance went out of their way to provoke her as she walked out to the car.  On the way back in, the head-wound who started the entire fight went out of his way to wind me up right near the entrance.  The groupies and townies in attendance talked smack right along with him even though the police were directly indoors.

     Mike and I finished speaking with the police and they explained that there wasn’t much that they could do aside from filing the report and sending everyone their seperate ways.   Nick (the owner) was all too amicable in front of the police and shook Mike’s hand when we left.  Lindsay and I drove home and Mike and I spoke on the phone on the ride home about how surreal the entire evening was.
     I’ve got a lot of questions about what happened tonight.  First of all, I’ve been writing bar and strip club reviews for almost ten years.  I’ve seen drunks arrive wound up and I’ve seen human train wrecks looking for trouble.  This person obviously showed up after one or two other bars and dropped his money clip in the parking lot.  Most reputable bars are capable of recognizing a problem customer and they address the problem immediately.  Multiple people tried to talk this guy down from the ledge while he was getting worked up and no one working there removed him.  Problem number One.
     Secondly, I’ve known Mike for a number of years and he’d sooner fall on his own sword than take found money from a stranger.  Once again, he bought me a pitcher before I even showed up and my wife and I spent the better part of the evening INSIDE the bar with him, so the odds of him intentionally stealing this idiot’s money are slim to nill.  
     Strike Three: What sort of person goes out on a Friday night with $400 in a money clip?  Most sane, sensible, non-drug dealers don’t travel around with that much money.  After talking to Mike on the ride home, the police said that he only had about $100 inside this treasure-trove of a clasp, so the guy was  full of shit.  He also alleged that he had a credit card wedged in with his millions, so this was a person with an inflated sense of his finances looking to start a fight. 
     And finally, any bar worth their salt stops a fight before it happens or intervenes during a fight DIRECTLY OUTSIDE when it occurs.  In all my time reporting upon Buffalo bars, I have NEVER seen a bar flagrantly ignore an incident like this until today.  The bartenders saw this coming.  The owner was in the bar and saw it coming.  Everyone indoors saw where it was going and half of them stormed outside to watch the action.  Nobody did anything until after the fact.      I implore you to boycott Mitchell’s Tavern on 734 Sheridan Drive in Tonawanda.  If you have an opinion, take the time to phone it in at (716)874-8907.  What Mike and myself went through tonight could have been avoided well ahead of time from multiple angles and the management, the staff and the regulars did NOTHING to stop it.  
     I’m ashamed and enraged at the worst of the human condition this evening.  Please do what you can to prove that I’m wrong in the mean time….
     dissappointed,
     Tom Waters

 

Technical Difficulties…

Agh!

After writing an extensive update, the draft glitched on my loaner computer and I’m back to square one.  Fuck!

During the break, the motherboard got fried on my four year old computer.  Apparently, this was caused by old age.  So without any of my projects readily available, I’m stuck in a holding pattern for a few more days.

Everything should be back to normal by next week and I’ll bring you all up to speed when we resume our regularly scheduled Monday Big Words Update!

Thanks for your patience because I have none right now,

Tom Waters

2 New Radio Shows! Uncle Hal 63 & Big Words Radio 38!

Yowser!

I just got done doing two back-to-back radio shows yesterday and boy is my mouth tired.

Seriously though, folks, there are two very different and very interesting shows up on a number of sites as of this morning. Yesterday afternoon, Uncle Hal came back swinging after a six month break for his 63^rd episode and was nice enough to invite me back as co-host. If you’ve never heard The Pissed Off World Of Uncle Hal before, be forewarned. This is not your grandma’s comedy. We pull NO punches, anything and everything gets goofed on and every episode is more brutal than the previous ones. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Here’s your synopsis for 63:

Hal is back and joined again by the ever whacky Tom Waters. The show is off the hook! Tune in because even Hal cringed a couple times…whew! There’s the Popeye’s Chicken fiasco that has a whole group of patrons clucking! A new installment of Porntards! A racist teachers gets suspended for using the “N” word! When you hear the lost old man phone prank you’ll piss your pants! Kids get shocked with electric dog collars and shot in the ass with BB guns. Hal’s Happy ending asks the question “Why do we need all these stupid constitutional rights?”

You can listen to the show on my site (www.bigwordsradio.mypodcast.com) or you can listen to the show (along with the other 62 episodes of full tilt comedy) over on Hal’s site (www.powunclehal.com). You can also subscribe to the Pissed Off World Of Uncle Hal on iTunes by searching ‘Uncle Hal’.

Last night at the Think Twice Radio studios, I had the honor of interviewing Harvey Pekar along with my co-host Mike ‘ring a ding’ Mariani. Here’s your synopsis for that one:

Episode 38: ‘Making It Big’

Tom and co-host Mike ‘ring a ding’ Mariani talk to comics legend Harvey Pekar (American Splendor) regarding his life, his career, and the supposed sanity of ‘close personal friend’ Alan Moore.

You can listen to Big Words 38 on the Think Twice radio site (www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html), over at the official Big Words Radio site (www.bigwordsradio.mypodcast.com) or again, you can subscribe to the show on iTunes by searching ‘Big Words Radio’.

A big thanks goes out to producer Richard Wicka, Mike Mariani (for behaving himself), Harvey Pekar and Pamela Mullin at DC Comics for helping to make the show happen. It was a much tamer show than we expected and you’ll actually be surprised at the Bob Costas-style interview that took place.

Enjoy!

Tom Waters

Monday Big Words Update!: Pekar Approaches, A Brief Respite, and What’s In Store For The Summer…

In two more days, I’ll have the opportunity to interview another one of my heroes for Big Words Radio: Harvey Pekar.

By Wednesday night (around nine p.m. Eastern), Episode 38 of Big Words Radio will be up on the Think Twice Radio web site with (arguably) one of the biggest guests to appear thus far. Pekar is a legend and a pioneer in the field of black and white indie comics and the opportunity to speak to him is eclipsing most of my activities this week.

Wednesday morning, I’ll be co-hosting and recording a hotly anticipated return to another controversial pod cast: The Pissed Off World Of Uncle Hal. Hal hasn’t had a new show in almost six months and after numerous technological upgrades in recent weeks, he’s asked me to join him so that we can offend the remaining civilians on the planet who haven’t found fault with our highly offensive, frequently upsetting and often hilarious pairing. Hal’s show is a bit higher on the production end, so don’t expect to hear (or see) Episode 63 until some time next week on his official site at powunclehal.com. Wednesday’s going to be a busy day.

Also, ArtVoice informs me that my interview with Center For Inquiry ghost-hunter extraordinaire Joe Nickell will be hitting the pages of their new issue this Thursday. Keep your eyes peeled for it this Thursday. On the Night Life magazine side of things, this week’s issue closes out the conclusion to ‘Tom & Twig’, a new essay about how many traits I’ve picked up from my dear old mum.

Aside from that, I’ll be taking a break from writing-related email, the official web site, and the Big Words Radio site from Thursday, May 14^th through Tuesday, May 27^th. After four straight weeks of building the new site up from scratch, re-tooling 35+ shows, slaving away on completing Slapstick & Superego and coming to a close on Monsters Of Verse, I could use a break. Again, please refrain from emailing from 5/14 though 5/27 as your email will go unanswered until the 27^th or afterward.

I may post one final Quixote Wednesday update before the jump, but I’m not making any promises. For most intents and purposes, this will be my last online update before the last week of the month. While it would seem sometimes as if I never stop writing, even I can use a break once in a while.

June holds a soft launch for Slapstick & Superego (invite only), a One Year Anniversary Party for The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour (same day, invite only) and a heck of a lot more. Expect more new shows, a lot of forward progress on the Buffalo Anthology Project, one hell of a sharp looking new book, and a few other announcements regarding the official book launch slated for either late July or some time in August.

That’s all I’ve got for you today. Enjoy the rest of your week and don’t forget to log on to Think Twice radio Wednesday night! American Splendor commencing in 5, 4, 3…

Tom Waters

 

Big Words Radio Episode XXXVII: Necrobibliophiliacs!

 

Tom, Zombieworx Comics Publisher (and creator of the hit comic book The Red Eye as well as Pulp) Kyle Kaczmarczyk and time-travelling Tonawanda native and sci-fi author Diane Meholick (Switch In Time, Buffalo Stories, Painting Katherine) antagonize, titillate and aggravate an endless barrage of attendees at the 3rd Annual Buffalo Small Press Book Fair. Dreadlocks, Raggedy Andy Hats and bike horns prove to be a deadly combination. The event took place on Saturday, March 14th at the Karpeles Manuscript Museum. This podcast is a continuation of the Monsters Of Verse series.

 

-Subscribe on Itunes by searching Big Words Radio!

-To listen online, click over to: http://www.bigwordsradio.mypodcast.com

Um…Has Anyone Ever Heard Of ‘the Itunes’?

 

For the first time ever, it is now possible for all of you to ‘dial it up’ on your Ipod. As of this week, Apple informed me that The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour (all 36 existing ‘podisodes’?) passed their grueling approval process, so in addition to visiting the site online at its new second home (www.bigwordsradio.mypodcast.com), feel free to subscribe or download directly on Itunes! Just pop onto Itunes, search ‘Big Words Radio’, and BAM! You’re there! It’s never been easier to listen to my nonsense, and when you subscribe, the newest shows will pop up on your Ipod before I even send out the announcement! So the question isn’t necessarily ‘do you like apples’, but ‘do you like Apple’?

And there is still a mountain of back-logged shows that’ll be going up in the next few weeks! As of this morning, the final (and first, oddly) installment of ‘We’ve Got Gregg’s Back’, the benefit for Gregg Sansonne, is up on the site featuring a knockout performance from Buffalo Music Award-winning dynamic duo Busted Stuff! The entire benefit (including my corny jokes on mc detail) is up for your enjoyment in chronological order, so you can listen to the concert the same way those of us who attended heard it, minus the long pauses, band warm-ups, or frequent Chinese Auction announcements.

What can you look forward to hearing in the future, you may ask? April Foolfest 2 featuring yours truly spouting out Slapstick & Superego, JR Finlayson doing what he does best busting out mad lyrical dope rhymes and piano wunderkind Lenny Revell bringing down the house sans microphone Jerry Lee Lewis style! A ’parter of two’ interview/concert combo with local jazz saxophonist Will Holton on location at Ying’s Wings in Depew and the Tralf in downtown Buffalo, respectively. The final Monsters Of Verse performance at the Center For Inquiry. And so much more! Expect brand new ’One Man Mobile Unit’ episodes some time towards the end of May and the beginning of June!

We’re also less than a week away from superstar special guest Harvey Pekar, comic book pioneer and American Splendor icon! Stay tuned Wednesday, May 13^th for the first studio show since the shocking Sara Jay episode (#35) from March!

That’s about everything for one day. Have a great weekend and have fun ’dialing it up’ on your Ipods!

 

Quixote Thursday (?) Update: CFI/DOL Aftermath, Closure All Around…

Wednesday got me over a barrel (a very busy day), so unfortunately, I didn’t have time to post the usual Quixote Wednesday Update. Hence the Thursday post.

I joined my former peer Curt Kuczkowski at the mediation hearing for his Gamestop benefits yesterday morning downtown and the meeting was a lot shorter than mine. Both of us came to the conclusion that my file was larger and that they fought harder to with-hold my benefits because I didn’t go as quietly when I got the ax from out of nowhere. Gamestop had no representative present (big surprise) and Curt was informed shortly after his case was called that it was a default situation since Gamestop didn’t show up. This generally means that the DOL will rule in his favor, so that’s great news for Curt and great news for anyone who gets clipped for no reason down the road. The day gave Curt some much-needed closure after seven years of faithful service and the two of us joked about starting a betting pool over who would get wrongfully terminated next. We’ve both won the battle but you can rest assured that I’m not done waging war by a long shot.

Continuing on with putting the last six months to bed, Guest Monster Christina Wos Donnelly, JR Finlayson and myself gave our final Monsters Of Verse reading last night at the Center For Inquiry as part of Just Buffalo’s monthly Literary Café hosted by Perry Nicholas, which falls on the first Wednesday of every month at 7 p.m. Christina was fantastic, and I had no doubt that she’d round out the lineup nicely. This was the first reading we’ve done together since Rust Belt Books in 2002, and it was a pleasure to share the stage with her while she did a series of far-ranging poems along with some short rants.

Finn filled the middle portion of our feature with a comprehensive sampler of his work from his current chapbook (Gypsy Stance Blues) along with a lot of the new work he’s written as a result of the MOV experience. I read a short selection of newer stuff along with ‘Poem For Finn’ from Breathing Room Volume I: Free Verse and closed out the set. After six months of going through hell and back on stage and off, it was a very emotional evening for Jeff and me. The timing for the Monsters Of Verse couldn’t have been any better, because it gave us an outlet for everything else that was going on in our lives and inspired us to write some new material while we were performing our older work.

For this week’s update, I’d like to thank everyone that was involved with the Monsters Of Verse project over the last six months. Desiderio’s, Don’s Atomic Comics, Clarence High School, Caz Coffee, FYE, Borders Books, Talking Leaves, Chow Chocolat, Spot Coffee, The Small Press Book Fair, The Buffalo News Collectible Show, Night Life Magazine, UB Spectrum, Buffalo Spree, Carrie Gardner, Richard Wicka, Kyle Kaczmarzcak, Josh Smith, Christina Donnelly, Diane Meholick, Anne Foster, Brian Platter, DJ Soma, Michael Bly, John Kindelan, Joe Stevens, Perry Nicholas, and everyone else who had a hand in helping to make the project such a diverse and successful traveling poetry show of mischief, mayhem, and yes, poetry.

I’d also like to extend a huge debt of gratitude to JR Finlayson. We’ve been friends since we were 17 years old (when we had a creative writing class together) and we’re stronger friends as a result of the experience. Things were bumpy and strained at times, but Finn was a trooper throughout, and for that, I’m tremendously grateful.

Now that MOV is over (or at least my tour of duty is if Jeff decides to keep the moniker and run with it), I can get back to working on the Just Buffalo Anthology Project with Alycia Ripley. We’ve got about a year of backlogged submissions and I blocked out the next two months so that I can devote some time to clearing our submission log before the final round of entries come racing past the plate in the next two months. If anything, MOV was a great practice run for the ensemble book promotion that every accepted writer will be taking part in next year when the anthology is finally released. For more information on the project, click on the link to the right or visit buffaloanthology.blogspot.com

for updates. There should be a ton of them in the next two months.

That’s enough rambling for one day. I’ve got a really big announcement, but I’m saving it for Friday, so stop back if you want the news! Have a great week,

Tom Waters

Monster Of Verse (semi-retired)

Monday Big Words Update! CFI/DOL This Wednesday (Gamestop Round 2!), Big Words Radio Progress…

Monday Big Words Update! CFI/DOL This Wednesday (Gamestop: Round 2!), Big Words Radio Progress…

Oof. A fun-filled, frenetic weekend rife with activity. And this week doesn’t look like it’s going to let up, either. Multiple friends asked me if I was going to the ArtVoice Best Of Buffalo Awards tonight, but unfortunately, Lindsay and I will be on assignment for the Buffalo News this evening. Where? None of your business. Well, until it hits print, anyway. Congratulations in advance to the nominees as well as the winners. Buffalo is lucky to have a wellspring of talented artists, writers and performers and they deserve all the accolades they can get. Sincerely. ‘Nuff said on that.

This Wednesday, it’s come to my attention that Curt Kuczkowski (one of the other Gamestop area managers wrongfully terminated last fall) will be going head to head to contest the two months worth of unemployment benefits he received at the Department Of Labor downtown. After seven years of faithful service with the company, these rat-bastards at Gamestop are going after TWO MONTHS worth of benefits that they originally granted him. No union layoff, no severance package, no pension, just two months worth of benefits (he found another job) and they’re trying to take even that away from him. How heartless and soulless can you get, Gamestop?

I stated two weeks ago that I wasn’t going to keep covering this ongoing jihad on the web site unless something important cropped up. Well this is important to me, and it should be to anyone else who’s gotten screwed over by their employer. Just because I won my case doesn’t mean I’m not willing to throw my hat in the ring where a peer is concerned, so I’ll be there this Wednesday with bells on. For anyone else interested in joining (or supporting) the fight, here’s the time and location:

Wednesday, May 6^th, 9 a.m.

Unemployment Insurance Appeal Board

290 Main St., 2^nd Floor

Buffalo

Curt worked very hard for what little he got out of the fallout from this merger and there is no moral or ethical reason why Gamestop can’t at least let him walk away with benefits that were already paid out to him. The fact that they’re trying to reverse benefits they agreed to grant him is barbaric, so feel free to meet the rest of us down there this Wednesday. On to other Wednesday related news.

JR Finlayson, Christina Wos Donnelly and myself will be giving our FINAL reading as the Monsters Of Verse this Wednesday at the Center For Inquiry as featured readers for Just Buffalo’s Literary Café hosted by Perry Nicholas. I try never to say never, but this is the end of the line for me. Finn and I may saddle back up down the road, but it’s going to be awhile for me. My plate is full enough, it was fun while it lasted, and it’s time to move on. Rest assured, though, that we’re going to go out with a roar instead of a whimper! Christina is also a tremendously talented poet in her own right with a long list publishing credits. She and I have been friends for almost a decade and this will be the first time we’ve done a scheduled reading together since about 2001. I’m just as excited to hear her read as I am about finding some closure and a definitive end to the Monsters Of Verse ’08-’09 traveling caravan of insanity and promotion. We should be doing an after-party once things wrap up at CFI, but you’ll have to show up to find out where…..

Wrapping up, Night Life hit’s the stands this week with part one of ’Tom & Twig’, a BRAND NEW humor essay about my mom and I that hasn’t appeared anywhere else. Scoop it up while it’s hot! As for the new second home for Big Words Radio, a quick click will take you to four brand new exclusive clips from the Gregg Sansonne ‘We’ve Got Gregg’s Back’ benefit featuring live performances from The Mick Hayes Band, Only Humen (featuring Michael Bly), Gregg Sansonne himself, and of course, Black Widow. I’m still working on the edits for Busted Stuff’s set, but expect an announcement later this week once it’s done. All four live performances sound fantastic and it’s still mind boggling that five Buffalo Music Award winners performed on the same day under the same roof. Check it out and download at will over at:

bigwordsradio.mypodcast.com

And we’re 9 DAYS AWAY from Harvey Pekar! That sort of crept up on me. I’m starting to get psyched! The Big Words One Year Anniversary Party is heating up, too, and a few bands have already contacted me about playing for the event. If you’re a former musical guest on the show (or if you’d like to play the party on Saturday, June 20th), feel free to contact me at:

bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com

That’s it for today. When I’m not duking it out in Curt’s corner this Wednesday or saying farewell to MOV Wednesday night, I’ll make sure to drop you a line for our regularly scheduled Quixote Wednesday Update! Take care,

Tom Waters

 

Big Words Radio One Year Anniversary Party!

What?: Big Words Radio One Year Anniversary Party!
When?: Saturday, June 20th from 3 p.m.-3 a.m.
Where?: Tom & Lindsay’s Lancaster Grotto Mansion
Who?: Friends, fans, listeners, and (especially) anyone and everyone who’s ever been on, exposed to, or involved with the show!  Former guests & co-hosts are encouraged to attend for drinks, dinner, and an opportunity to roast Tom for individual 5 minute audio clips.  The sound files will be combined for a 1 year anniversary show pod-cast.  
What The Hell Should I Bring?: A sense of humor and some booze.  Failing that, soda or a snack and proof from a doctor that you fractured your funny bone.
When The Hell Should I R.S.V.P.?: ASAP!
What The Hell Can I Expect?: Pre-launch copies of Slapstick & Superego available for sale and signing(specify if interested in RSVP as copies will be limited!), complete insanity and bedlam, a healthy meal (barbeque cookout weather permitting), a live musical guest (or guests) and a liver transplant shortly afterwards.