Archive for June, 2008


Knockin’ Em Dead: Monsters Of Verse Aftermath

June 18, 2008

While I wasn’t too happy with the elements (f you too, god!), we survived the brutal hail in time to bring in a rock star crowd at Desiderio’s on Broadway for our Monsters Of Verse performance. Carrie Gardner started out with a well-structured sampling of her new book, Evil Is A Terrific, Rubbery Goblet, Shaky Stage brought the house down with a great set of original compositions, and I did some of my nonsense for roughly 21 minutes. We had a great crowd, sold some books, sold some CDs, and generally partied like it was day that wasn’t a Monday. If you missed the show and you want to catch the readings in all their audial glory, click yourself over to:

Many thanks to Jay, Bobby and the rest of the gang at Desiderio’s for letting us stage the event. Thanks also to Carrie Gardner, Shaky Stage, Rich, Sue and Josh at Think Twice Radio for sponsoring, recording and producing the event. And don’t forget the Think Twice web site, because as of next week, the Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour is going live! For comic enthusiasts like Shawn Buffum and other well-read intellectuals, I’ll have Don and Ian from Don’s Atomic Comics on for the first episode to talk comic books and other such geekery for the ‘legion of geeks’ that I belong to. ‘Nuff said.

That’s all I’ve got for today. I put in a good eight hours yesterday writing, schmoozing and freelancing and I have no intention of repeating it today, so check out the pics, have a great week and tune in next Monday for Big Words radio!


‘Token Excuses For Block’ accepted at ArtVoice

June 17, 2008

Florine (the poetry editor for the ‘In The Margins’ section of AV) was kind enough to edit and accept my poem ‘Token Excuses For Block’ for an upcoming issue of ArtVoice.  I read the poem recently (from the manuscript pages for Breathing Room) at the Center For Inquiry and took a shine to it, and thought that it might be worthy of print somewhere.  While I’m still not sure where to place the book, when I’m going to edit it based on Carrie Gardner’s copious notes, or when a good window would be to release it (whether to piggyback it on to a rant collection or trust it to coast on its own momentum), but my working theory is that a volley of publishing credits for said poetry wouldn’t hurt.  I fired a pitch off to BlazeVox books and still haven’t gotten even the courtesy of a return email after six weeks, so odds are that they’re a dead end for the project.  At any rate, I hope someone will let me know when ‘Token Excuses’ hits the stands in the pages of AV.


Monday Big Words Update! It’s SHOWTIME! The Monsters Of Verse Show Tonight At Desiderio’s!

June 16, 2008

Hey now!

After two beautiful days in Rushford and two days in Angola, I’m rested, relaxed and ready to rock out with my cock out at Desiderio’s on Broadway as part of the trifecta of talent, the lineup of all lineups, the MONSTERS OF VERSE!  Carrie Gardner and I have wanted to do a project together for years now and after a few months of planning and the gracious extra publicity compliments of R.D. Pohl at the Buffalo News as well as Jane Kwiatkowski yesterday in the Buffalo News’ ‘Spotlight’ section (thanks, Jane!), I think we’re positioned to have one hell of a blast.  Think Twice Radio is all set to record the evening, Shaky Stage is ready to bring the house down, and I’ve prepped a few solid rants guaranteed to not only tickle your funny bone, but break it clean off!  We’ll be filming the event as well as snapping quite a few pictures (which I’ll be posting up online later this week), so for those of you who are making it out tonight, thanks in advance.  I couldn’t be more excited.

As for other news, ‘On Spec’, a brand spanking new piece is up on this month’s issue of Acid Logic.  It’s a deep, personal exploration into my writing process that my editor Wil Forbis claims is ‘the best piece you’ve ever written about writing’.  That’s high praise coming from Wil.  If you want to give it a read, click on over to:

There’s also a new issue of Night Life out today (Week 82, to be exact) with ‘Double Barrel Diplomacy’, another new rant aimed squarely at our touring Canadian traffic in Buffalo.  Odds are that I’m not going to make friends up north with that one, but so be it, it needed to be said.  Pick it up on stands and gasp in horror at the full tilt outlandishness of my fury! 

And finally, I’ve formed a new alliance with a Buffalo publication/web giant whom I’ve never freelanced with before: Buffalo Rising! 

I’m proud to announce that I’ll be running a series of local and national print and web based celebrity reviews for Buffalo Rising.  I’m looking forward to the new working relationship and can’t wait to see what great interviews and opportunities arise from the arrangement.  I’m glad to be part of the team! 

And finally, we’re SEVEN days away from the inaugural episode of the Big Words I Know By Heart radio hour on .  I’ve got guests coming out of the woodwork for the next year, so this promises to be an interested ride for listeners, guests, and yours truly.  I’m talking writers, musicians, artists and yes, even adult film stars.  You had to see that coming.  No cheap jokes. 

Anyhow, that’s it for now.  I still need to relax and get centered so that I can give 100% tonight when it’s my time to shine.  Additional thanks goes out ahead of time to Carrie Gardner and Shaky Stage for making this what will be a night to remember.  Let’s party!


Tom Waters


Buffalo Beast Correction/Give me a break!

June 14, 2008

Compliments of Ian Murphy, I got back from vacation to find this on my comment box:

This story is incorrect. The BEAST switched from a free bi-weekly to a monthly pay, subscription format in January, 2007. The BEAST is also currently available for purchase at shops, bookstores and libraries, locally and across the country. Ask your local librarian if they have the June, 2008 issue!

Check your facts, dick-face.

BEAST Associate Editor & Art Director
Ian Murphy

Dick face.  Fabulously grown up of you, Ian.  I see that the Beast (in their ever increasingly marginal publication) is still a bastion of professionalism and maturity.  I guess when you piss the entire city off with sophomoric crusades and infantile lists, it’s gets really difficult to a) convince anyone to buy ads for your rag and b)convince any possible distribution depots (i.e.: pizzerias, restaurants and bars) to carry the pigeon liner you call ‘journalism’.  It’s a miracle that Matt Taibi came out of that maelstrom of childish rubbish you call a publication and you’re doing a bang up job of improving the Beast image.  I was wrong.  Keep up the great work, fucko.  I don’t really have the time for another feud right now, but so be it.  As if the Beast has any influence left anyway.  On the upswing, I’m hoping that single mothers get some use out of your paper by wiping their poopy stained infants in the bathrooms of the public libraries with it.  I’ve said my peace.  If you have anything you’d like to send Ian’s way, feel free to contact him at:



‘Lancaster Feels Like Home To Me’ (aka ‘Love Letter To Lancaster’) hits My View today in The Buffalo News

June 10, 2008

     I was just telling Lindsay last night (after we got home from a marathon of registering gifts at Target and JC Penney’s for our wedding) that I really hoped the My View piece ran within the next week.  With the performance coming up in six days now, there’s no such thing as too much press to raise awareness.  And lo and behold, I checked the Buffalo News web site this morning to find out that my happy, ‘Tuesdays With Morrie’ style fluff piece grabbed some ink in the My View section.  If you’ve been following ‘Big Buffalo I Know By Heart’ on YourHub, you saw it there first over a month and a half ago in it’s entirety.  If you haven’t, then pick up a copy of the News on stands or click yourself over to:

     I’m still upset at any hint of extra business that Ronny’s Takeout might get from gaining mention in the article and would like to stress again that I’m never ordering wings, pizza or anything else from them.  My buddy Ron and I ordered some wings from Desiderio’s on Sunday and they were top notch.  Not quite as perfect as they are when we order in the restaurant, but they’re getting within a stone’s throw of it.  I’ll give the takeout batch a 7 out of 10, which is still head and shoulders above whatever passes for competition out here. 

     I was also ecstatic to find my reviewer’s copy of Too Cool To Be Forgotten in my mailbox yesterday.  I tore through it in one sitting and punched up a 400 word review on spec for Jeff Simon (the arts editor at the News who, frankly, needs no introduction).  I’m crossing my fingers that the book review makes the grade.  As for my print interview with Alex Robinson, that’s found a home with a paper/web empire I haven’t worked with yet in Buffalo.  Any guesses?  Well I’m not telling yet.  I’m really excited, though.  It seems like whoever reads these sites only has the attention span to digest two to three posts per week, and there’s already so much going on that I don’t want the announcement to get lost in the mix, so I’ll wait until I get back from vacation.  But let’s just say that I’m crossing the pond in alternative journalism and that there are great new allegiences on the ho-Rising.  Hmph, ho-Rising isn’t a word, is it?  Oh well… 


Monday Big Words Simulcast! Shameless Promotional Whoring 2008 Edition on stands AND right here!

June 9, 2008


As I’m sure you know by now, we’re just SEVEN days away from the Monsters Of Verse concert at Desiderio’s next Monday.  I’m really glad that Carrie Gardner and I are finally going to have a chance to work together on a performance as we’ve been talking about it for almost four years now!  I can’t tell you how important this is to us, so if you can make the show, by all means, do it.  The new issue of Night Life is on stands with a Big Words edition of ‘Shameless Promotional Whoring 2008’.  In the interest of tipping the scales in our favor, I’m also going to publish the piece right here, right now.  Also, I’ll be going on vacation from this Wednesday until next Wednesday, so I won’t be anywhere near civilization until Monday.  Seeya at the show (hopefully),

Tom Waters

Shameless Promotional Whoring 2008 Edition: One Night Only!

Yeah, you read the headline right, one night only. As you may or may not know, I’m getting married this year, which means that my writing career is taking a back seat for fiscal year 2008. I don’t have the time, money, energy or inclination to launch a book this year. I’ve got a finished one, don’t get me wrong (it’s called Slapstick & Superego), and I’m halfway through the book after that, but you won’t be seeing my next book until some time in the spring of 2009. However, as of this publication date (June 9th), you and I are exactly ONE WEEK away from what will probably be the only public performance I’ll be doing this year. Next Monday (June 16th), I’ll be sharing the stage with renowned poet Carrie Gardner and Shaky Stage, a helluva great band who got their start out in Alden. Here’s the official release:

Carrie Gardner (renowned poet and author of Evil Is A Terrific, Rubbery Goblet) presents a FREE evening of unprecedented entertainment the likes of which Buffalo has never seen before with a reading from her breakout, runaway smash hit book, Evil Is A Terrific, Rubbery Goblet (Authorhouse). The evening will open with a reading from Carrie, a performance from the band Shaky Stage, and close out with a rant or two from local author, bar reviewer and area goofball Tom Waters. All three powerhouse acts will be schlepping and signing their wares (books, CDs, etc.) throughout the evening. Attendance is free and multiple book and CD purchases are strongly recommended. Drinks and phenomenal food will be available from the crack team of culinary masterminds at Desiderio’s on Broadway. Come thirsty, come hungry, and bring many wads of cash for all out consumption and the entertainment extravaganza of the decade, no, better yet, a lifetime! Do not miss this once in a lifetime experience! You’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you do!

If you’ve been to one of my readings before, you know by now that anything can happen and that a great time is had by all. If you haven’t picked up a copy of my last collection of rants, If They Can’t Take A Joke, then now is the perfect time because I’ll be selling and signing the last batch of first edition hardcovers for $20. Carrie will be selling her book for $10. I’m not really sure how much Shaky Stage will be selling their Cds for, but they last time I saw them play live, they were giving away free copies for crowd interaction. So #1, admission is free (and I know Night Life readers love free anything because they come out in droves for it and I‘ve seen it). #2, you’re getting three amazing acts in one night, #3, we’ll be giving away some free stuff and #4, this is the ONLY time I’ll be performing any of my rants on stage in Buffalo this year. What more reason do you need?

Round up your friends, your girlfriends, your pets, and your enemies and meet us out next week for some strong drink, great food and an evening of entertainment that you won’t soon forget. Who knows? Once the night is over, you may need acupuncture or deep psychotherapy to remove the memory from your brain bank. I guarantee you a great time. And if the Night Life troops can fill the bar, I’ll give away a signed hardcover to one of you wonderful swag-hounds.

I’ve been tinkering away on this column for almost two years now and I’m pretty pleased with the niche impact it’s had on reaching a new and unusual audience. And as a megalomaniac, it’s always nice to meet my readers up close and personal and get their two cents while they’re buying me shots. If it’s been your life’s dream to buy me a shot, now is your chance. I’ll be hanging out at the bar swilling Tullamore Dew and pitchers of Coors Light (or as they call it at Desiderio’s, ‘the tom waters special’) all night before I go up on stage, so if you want to hang out and have a great time, I’ll see you there. And after a few doubles of good Irish whiskey, I can’t be held responsible from a legal standpoint for my actions on stage.

So to summarize: next Monday, Desiderio’s, 8pm SHARP! Bring some cash, bring some friends and get ready to take part in the triple threat all out bash of the summer. Are you listening, Buffalo? I’ll see you next week. You might want to take off of work on Tuesday to recover. Make it out in record numbers and perhaps me and the gang at Night Life will do something special for the Big Words 2 year anniversary.

Seeya at Desi’s,

Tom Waters


Friday Press for ‘Monsters Of Verse’ in the Buffalo News…

June 6, 2008

It came to my attention that R.D. Pohl (the prestigious editor of the poetry section in the Buffalo News) ran a piece about our upcoming event in his ‘Arts Beat’ blog on the Buffalo News web site.  I really appreciate the plug because you can’t beat free promotion and an endorsement from him is like a blessing from the pope in this town, honestly.  The once a month Poetry page is regarded in Buffalo as the Holy Grail in terms of poetry submissions (to date, I’ve never had anything accepted, but then again, I’ve only submitted once), so I know that the literary community takes note of any announcements R.D. Pohl has to make.  Thanks, R.D.!  Carrie, Shaky Stage and myself owe you one!

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