Posts Tagged ‘dc comics’

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Big Words I Know By Heart Episode 18: ‘Mythos’

January 14, 2016

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Graham Nolan has been on my bucket list since I started Big Words Video.

He’s a phenomenal artist, a veteran from DC Comics and the man co-created Batman’s Bane, for god’s sakes.  Delving into the research and prep for the episode, I gained an even greater appreciation for his career.  A 6 year run on Detective Comics, 6 on ‘The Phantom’ comic strip, 12 years on ‘Rex Morgan: M.D.’, a creator-owned web comics (‘Sunshine State’)…the list goes on and on and on.  I saw this a lot, but it was an honor to sit down at the same table with Nolan.  We take for granted that we have such an artistic visionary in our own back yard.  Michael Hoffert Jr. was a natural fit for the Co Host Hot Seat on this one because he knows more about chapter and verse in the comic industry than I ever will.  Just watch the episode for yourself, will ya?

A huge thanks goes out to Mr. Nolan for not only making the time to do the show, but braving some pretty gnarly ‘Lake-Enhanced’ (the new buzz term the meteorologists are using this year) snow on the drive out and back.  Thanks are also in order to producer Richard Wicka and Michael Hoffert for knowing the biz back to front.  If you want, did you know that you can SUBSCRIBE to the Big Words I Know By Heart Channel on YouTube?  For FREE?  Well you can.  I’ve also heard that it’s possible to LIKE & SHARE these clips on the YouTube interface.  You should try it.  You really should.  There’s another episode en route in less than two weeks, so we’ll all see you soon!

Tom

 

 

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Frank Miller Can Blow Me! (from Mockery, 2011 Doubt It Publishing)

October 6, 2015
Miller takes another payday from DC Comics for this fall's upcoming mini-series The Dark Knight III: The Master Race.

Miller takes another payday from DC Comics for this fall’s upcoming mini-series The Dark Knight III: The Master Race.

Author’s Note: ‘*Fill-In-The-Blank* Can Blow Me’ was a regular column (and for all I know, still is) at Acid Logic, the site I’ve written and contributed to since the early 2000’s.  So I was trying to write for that format. With the pre-release controversy machine already gearing up for The Dark Knight III: Master Race, I figured this’d be a good time to post the following click-bait.  First-time visitor to the site?  Then please feel free to Like, Subscribe and stick around for awhile!  -Tom

Originally appeared on AcidLogic.com on August 1st, 2008.

Frank Miller can toss my salad and gargle with the creamed corn. Every one of his ‘great works’ is going downhill at the speed of sound the longer he keeps coming out with new projects. And by projects, I mean the realm of film that he’s somehow blown his own way into.

I love Batman, but I’m not touching the new All Star Batman compilation by Miller with a ten foot pole. My comics retailer told me to buy it and that I’d hate it. Why in the fuck would I buy some piece of garbage for thirty dollars knowing full well that it was going to upset me? Apparently, Miller takes his disgust for the franchise that made him the overly-compromised whore he is today and ‘turns the series on it’s ear’ by ‘shifting the paradigm’. Those phrases are about as original as anything he’s done in the last fifteen years, so they felt warranted.

Frank Miller has lost his motherfucking mind. The Dark Knight Strikes Back had an uninspired title, poor computer generated artwork and a storyline that was more brass balls than character arc. It was a sad, pale imitation of it’s predecessor. I’ve explained these books in full detail many times over, so you’re not getting a synopsis here because I’m too fired up.

In his old age, he’s become a paranoid delusional maniac with a full tilt delusion of grandeur. Sin City the ‘film’ may be a wet dream for frat boys and tough guys, but it didn’t carry over well onto celluloid. 300 was such an obnoxious case study in slow-motion overuse that I wanted to drive out to Hollywood and smack the director in the face with my dick. After giving him the ‘mushroom bruce’, I’d walk over to Frank Miller’s house, where he could commence to blowing my ‘soup can’ of a cock.

Sin City (the black and white graphic novel series) wasn’t really that hot, either. Take every pathetic dime store novel stereotype you’ve ever read, suck the ingenuity that a great crime novelist like Chandler or Hammett would infuse the story with, fuck that story in the ass, water it down some more, give it some ‘hardcore’ balls-out abstract artistic leanings in the panels, take a steaming shot between seven or so perfect bound collections, smear your taint-cheese right at the anti-climactic stupidity of each interconnected ‘story’ in this city, and you have something that resembles a grade school-serial-killer in training’s circle jerk session with a cat he just tortured and drowned in a barrel of lye. Over-rated tripe.

And now, this Christmas, Miller takes the director’s chair a second time to torture the world by fucking up the very spirit of Will Eisner’s Spirit. How fucking dare you, Frank. Climb a chair, slip through a noose and take your own life. Is that too harsh? Too goddamned bad. You’re embarrassing yourself and the rest of the comic enthusiast macrocosm in tinsel town. The last ten years of your artistic life have been a pathetic, flaccid facsimile of your former glory.

You’ve peaked. Call it day. Hang up your hat, kick off your shoes and go home. I don’t like you anymore. My friend doesn’t like you either. Rip that line from Star Wars and work it into the next sequel that you whore yourself out for with DC, you little bitch! Ooh, but you make me mad!

Many writers write their best work before they become financially successful. You’re obviously on the other end of that spectrum. Trust me, I’m not jealous. I make decent money doing what I do, I have leverage where it matters and at the end of the day I sleep on a bed of residual and commission cash (from freelancing and books) with a woman who has (and always will have) the ass of a 16 year old cheerleading captain in Catholic school. Both of these factors give me enough werewithal and gumption to write another twenty books, each one successively better than the next.

Dark Knight Returns is looked upon as one of the most important comic legends in the history of the medium right up there with Alan Moore’s The Watchmen. Alan Moore continues to break every mold and genre he’s compared to while ever-striving to grow the collective audience for the artistic field. Miller continues to back himself into a corner like a half-wit obsessively slapping his own flimsy prick up against a corner.

Batman: Year One is the template upon which Batman Begins was drawn from, and for good reason. Daredevil: Elektra changed my life and the lives of many others with it’s gritty artwork (also drawn by Miller) and it’s haunting ruminations on unrequited love and the prospect of one-time resurrection. After that, Miller has been going downhill faster than Barrack Obama in a soap box derby cotton gin on wheels. He’s done. Finished. Washed up, whored out and stretched to the point of being worse than a contract soap opera writer. If you could travel back in time and see how inspiring and original and ground-breaking you were, you’d climb a clock tower, install a diving board and then jack-knife onto the concrete fifty feet below.

Listen, Frank. If you can’t strive to improve with each literary or cinematic outing, then you’re done. Throw in the towel. Drop your pencils, your word processor, your agent, and then I’ll drop my pants and stuff all seven and a half inches of my ‘babie’s arm holding an apple’ into the back of your tonsils. What’s the smartest thing that ever came out of Frank Miller’s mouth? My dick.

-Yeah, I stole that joke. Just writing about Miller makes me a derivative hack, too, so I’m stopping now to invest my creative energies into something infinitely more satisfying than meditations on a nobody. You fucked up, Miller. Now wipe the spunk of your chin and go away.

Tom ‘Brazilian wax’ Waters

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‘Bat To The Future’ Appears on BuffaloComedy.com

January 5, 2015
2015 marks the end of DC's year-long celebration of the 75th Anniversary of Batman.

2015 marks the end of DC’s year-long celebration of the 75th Anniversary of Batman.

Since we’re on to a new month and a new year, I’ve got a brand new essay up on BuffaloComedy.com.  It’s on a topic I’ve covered before and most likely will cover again: Batman.  I couldn’t resist the urge to comment on DC’s ‘Batman75’ celebration, so I punched up ‘Bat To The Future a longer essay about the comics, the films, the cartoons and the games with next to no accuracy where chronology is concerned and proudly so.  You can check it out right here, gang:

Bat To The Future

Please take the time to read, Share on any and all networking platforms and to Like on that pesky Facebooks.

When I punched up the first draft I considered putting in the research and including citations along with writing the piece in chronological order.  That notion went out the window pretty quickly.  Much like ‘Reg Soldiers On’ (my essay from the 2009 book Slapstick & Superego)   I opted for a free-association format instead.  This may invite immediate attacks from the sort of comic fanboys who quote chapter, verse and issue number, but so be it.  I thought the piece might be more approachable to the casual reader by not taking that route.

I’m pretty proud of the four essays that have run so far with BuffaloComedy.com and hope that the next eight will follow suit.  Editor Kristy Rock and I have settled into a comfortable routine of submitting two pieces so that she can select one.  That way half of the new material can go live in a timely manner and the other half can be saved for the manuscript of the upcoming book Travesty.

There’s another great announcement to make, but I’ll save that for tomorrow.  Best not to give everything away all at once…

See you in the funny papers,

Tom

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Big Words Radio Episode 55: Wind-Up Mountain Dew Cars & The Land Of The Long White Cloud

February 25, 2011

Here we go,

    Magnanimous thanks to Dylan Horrocks as well as co-host Terry Kimmel.  Dylan was an ideal guest and Terry was a perfect co-host.  My guest was cordial, engaging, intriguing and charming while playing along with my antics.  Terry did his research before the show and chimed in when it was appropriate in addition to weathering out my insults.  Here’s your synopsis:

    Big Words Radio Episode 55: ‘Wind-Up Mountain Dew Cars & The Land Of The Long White Cloud’

    Tom and Sanford & Son-esque Designated Driver Terry Kimmel talk to Drawn & Quarterly writer/artist Dylan Horrocks about New Zealand, weather patterns, the importance of escaping Buffalo and the tenth percentile of great comics in the industry versus Image publishing.

    Thanks are also in order to mastermind Think Twice creator and producer Richard Wicka for recording the bumper promo and the show itself.  He remains one of my leading inspirations and I’m genuinely grateful to have him as a guiding influence and mentor in my life.  Enough sentimentality, though, here’s where you can hear the show:

    http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

    To hear all of my episodes in partial sound quality, click over to:

    http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

    The show will be up by dawn Friday for subscription via ‘the iTunes’.  Pledge your allegiance and your soul to Big Words Radio on Apple iTunes.  Download in bulk and rate high!

    Join me next month for uber-talented Lockport author Mark McElligott! 

    Excelsior (or some such nonsense),

    Tom Waters

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2 New Radio Shows! Uncle Hal 63 & Big Words Radio 38!

May 14, 2009

Yowser!

I just got done doing two back-to-back radio shows yesterday and boy is my mouth tired.

Seriously though, folks, there are two very different and very interesting shows up on a number of sites as of this morning. Yesterday afternoon, Uncle Hal came back swinging after a six month break for his 63rd episode and was nice enough to invite me back as co-host. If you’ve never heard The Pissed Off World Of Uncle Hal before, be forewarned. This is not your grandma’s comedy. We pull NO punches, anything and everything gets goofed on and every episode is more brutal than the previous ones. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Here’s your synopsis for 63:

Hal is back and joined again by the ever whacky Tom Waters. The show is off the hook! Tune in because even Hal cringed a couple times…whew! There’s the Popeye’s Chicken fiasco that has a whole group of patrons clucking! A new installment of Porntards! A racist teachers gets suspended for using the “N” word! When you hear the lost old man phone prank you’ll piss your pants! Kids get shocked with electric dog collars and shot in the ass with BB guns. Hal’s Happy ending asks the question “Why do we need all these stupid constitutional rights?”

You can listen to the show on my site (www.bigwordsradio.mypodcast.com) or you can listen to the show (along with the other 62 episodes of full tilt comedy) over on Hal’s site (www.powunclehal.com). You can also subscribe to the Pissed Off World Of Uncle Hal on iTunes by searching ‘Uncle Hal’.

Last night at the Think Twice Radio studios, I had the honor of interviewing Harvey Pekar along with my co-host Mike ‘ring a ding’ Mariani. Here’s your synopsis for that one:

Episode 38: ‘Making It Big’

Tom and co-host Mike ‘ring a ding’ Mariani talk to comics legend Harvey Pekar (American Splendor) regarding his life, his career, and the supposed sanity of ‘close personal friend’ Alan Moore.

You can listen to Big Words 38 on the Think Twice radio site (www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html), over at the official Big Words Radio site (www.bigwordsradio.mypodcast.com) or again, you can subscribe to the show on iTunes by searching ‘Big Words Radio’.

A big thanks goes out to producer Richard Wicka, Mike Mariani (for behaving himself), Harvey Pekar and Pamela Mullin at DC Comics for helping to make the show happen. It was a much tamer show than we expected and you’ll actually be surprised at the Bob Costas-style interview that took place.

Enjoy!

Tom Waters

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Major Arcana Poem #1 (or would it be 0)?

August 17, 2008

(this one shouldn’t be too difficult to figure out)

fOOl                                                                   fEll in a vAt

                                jusT liKe tHat

                                                   Cut mY fAce

                     sO lEt’s lOse coNtrol

                                                                     plaY aroUnd

                       (By butChering)

                                                       tHe humAn racE

                             Cat & moUse mE

                                                                   plaY The straIght mAn,

           b

                             i’lL haVe Fun

           daYs iN tHe Sun

                                                               beaT uP youR boY

                criPPle jiMMy’s

                                                                          heLen Of trOy

                                       lAuGh

                                                          & tHe wOrld

                   lauGHs untIl

                                                     theiR laSt

                    bReaTh

                                                                            oPen fiRe

          whY reTire?

                                          wHen wE cAn pLay

              cOwbOys & IndIans

                                                         foReveR

                                                                              swEEthEart,

…I’m Only jOking!!!!

                                                   Don’t bE sO Dark

                i’M haVing a laRk

                                                                  leaVing yOu bOdies

                               lIke liTTle

                   lOve

leTTers

                                                nOne Of it mAtteRs

           & whAt doeSn’t kiLL mE

                                                           JUst mAkeS mE sTRanger

                  {WiTh caNdy!}

                                                          haPPy fiSh**

                               lAUghIng gAs

                                                                    sqUIrty flOWers

            airbORne crEAm pIEs

                           cyANide                           lieS

                                  grenadIEr lUck

              & a puCk-

                                               Ish

                         eXteriOr.

                                                   i cAn dO thiS

                                                                        aLl dAy lOng

                        evEry dAy

                                          fOr tHe reSt oF oUr

                                               courTShip.

                   nOw lEt’s geT doWn

tO braSS tACks

                                        iF i dOn’t sEE

 

             5 fAt laDIes siNGing

              oN a            trAMpOliNe             ovEr        5  millIOn dollArs $

                                       tHe bOy dOEsn’t see

          hIs 16th birTHday cAkE

                                                                      haPPy hunTIng!

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