Posts Tagged ‘divorce’


‘Time Served’ Goes Live on

February 2, 2015

Time ServedAs you can probably guess from the accompanying picture, it was finally time to write about my divorce.  Sometimes I write to vent, sometimes I write just to laugh and once in awhile, I write as the only cathartic and therapeutic way to process a turbulent life event that I’ve gone through emotionally.  I’m sure you can guess which category this essay falls into.

There were a lot of avenues I could have taken when writing about my divorce and in the end I decided to touch down on all of them instead of dwelling on any aspect specifically.  With all of the Buffalo Comedy pieces I’ve fallen into a routine of giving each essay one last look-through and one more edit before it’s ready for prime time, so to speak.  You can be the judge, jury and executioner on the final product:

If you read it and like it, please take an extra minute to ‘Like’ it on the dashboard at the bottom OR ‘Share’ on your networking platforms.  This was a really important writing exercise that I had to work through and while I’m never positive that any edit is perfect, I’m pretty happy with the finished product.

‘Time Served’ will eventually appear in my upcoming book Travesty.  The book is already halfway done, but I’m making a concerted effort not to rush it so the publication date might just slip to 2016.  Thanks are in order to Buffalo Comedy editor Kristy Rock for navigating through my neurotic emails and appeasing my silly whims throughout each submission process.  Now it’s time to go to work on the next one.

Tom Waters


Alternative Thinking

February 25, 2009

In light of recent events, I thought I’d approach the subject of homosexuality. It’s a topic that (as an essayist), I’ve always wanted to weigh in on but haven’t had the proper context to discuss it with. Until now. I didn’t want to approach it from the wrong angle and risk offending people where this lifestyle is concerned because it’s not an issue to take a waffling opinion on or an essay that can be written with my usual screwball demeanor. After 33 years, I think I’m finally ready to write about the gay and lesbian culture in a way that properly explains my position.

Despite what many may think, I support the gay and lesbian subculture wholeheartedly for a number of reasons. For starters, the odds of two people finding each other on this planet, falling in love and making each other happy are infinitesimal enough as it is. If two people can find each other and help take a little agony and hardship out of each other’s lives by doing so, then what the hell is wrong with that? To take it one step further, if those two people are consenting adults and they happen to be the same gender, why should it be a big issue? Happiness is one of the most limited resources we have and it’s in far shorter supply than natural gas, coal, diamonds or any other known quantity in the universe. Call me pessimistic in thinking that way, but look at modern day relationships and prove me wrong.

We live in a world rife with climbing divorce rates, spousal abuse, infidelity, failed marriages that soldier on for the sake of children born within (and out of) wedlock, rampant pedophilia nationwide, co-dependant pairings that end in mutual self destruction, sexual addiction, gambling addiction, entire families destroyed by alcoholism, and five billion other maladies that occur intentionally (or by accident) when two people join into a relationship, move in together, or walk down the aisle together. There’s a strong possibility that gay and lesbian couples may actually be capable of teaching us how to maintain a healthy relationship with another person without letting it fall apart at the seams over the duration of the partnership. I certainly wouldn’t rule it out.

The very notion that same-sex relationships are wrong, forbidden, or singled out by any society in terms of progress is flat-out ridiculous. Quoting the Bible isn’t going to win any amens on my end, either, because the majority of the tenants brought down in the Old Testament were guidelines for health or complete crocks of shit. If you want to take up that argument with me, consider the possibility that perhaps sodomy was taboo over two thousand years ago for disease and health reasons rather than morality issues. It’s been postulated that the removal of Pork from the Jewish religion was set forth as a dietary guideline, so it’s not that far out of the ball park to claim that homosexuality was singled out for the sake of propagating a growing species and avoiding death by disease. A million other religious postulations have been overturned, thrown out or forgotten by organized religion and this is a belief that should have gone out a long time ago with the others. So take your scripture where this is concerned, roll it up and shove it in your mouth, because I don’t want to hear it.

If anything, we’re more overpopulated as a species than we have ever been, so from a survivalist standpoint as living organisms, it’s not necessarily the worst thing in the world that some men and women are pairing off with each other with no desires or plans to have children of their own. If our planet didn’t have so many inhabitants, we wouldn’t be running out of natural resources at the unnerving rate that we are, not to mention the fact that many committed same sex couples adopt, so on a very large scale, they’re helping straight people out on multiple levels. If heterosexual couples the world over used protection more often or made the decision not to have more than two children total (replacing only themselves from a mathematical standpoint), our resources would be in much better shape. There is no logical reason why couples should have four, five or eight children when you consider our survival and our evolution going forward as a species and same sex couples are helping a great deal where this is concerned.

No one can blame the disintegration of the nuclear family as an ideal on homosexuals because as a former value ideal, the breakdown is a hell of a lot more systemic than that and we’re all to blame, and who’s to say it’s an issue that’s deserving of blame? We have evolved and splintered and our culture has made room for multiple variations and alternate options in addition to the nuclear family. Single parent families. Same sex marriages with or without children. Children raised by their grandparents instead of their biological parents. These are all variations on a core value that’s no longer the standard to the way life really is. Hanging on to an ideal that doesn’t apply overall anymore is a losing battle and it’s best just to accept that we have more alternatives to growing older with our without a significant other and/or children of our own.

We’re also well aware some twenty years later that AIDs was not created or perpetuated by the gay and lesbian community. Heterosexuals have done more than their share of spreading this fatal disease since it was discovered and any theories to the contrary are false from a scientific standpoint. If anything (from personal experience), I’ve seen more cases of straight men willfully and maliciously spreading the virus without telling their partners than any other subsection of our culture. I would almost assume (based on the free programs and availability of protection within the subculture) that gays and lesbians are more protective and more sensible where the AIDs virus is concerned.

And I can understand (but wonder why) there’s a double standard where gays and lesbians are concerned. A lesbian lifestyle is held up on a pedestal in American pornography, marketing, advertising and in popular music as a fantasy designed for men’s enjoyment while gay men (on the other side of the coin) are often the victims of hate crimes, school hazing incidents and other forms of homophobic cruelty. I’m not saying that lesbians aren’t also the victims of homophobic brutality that is one hundred percent avoidable, but on the whole, this is how the subculture appears from a heterosexual’s point of view in our society.

As far as the lesbian fantasy/myth, it is exactly that. Not all lesbian women wear lipstick and garter belts 24 hours a day in the event that a man is watching. Odds are that lesbian women really don’t give a shit what men are watching. It’s not wrong to find two women having sex appealing, but there is a strong difference between what we see in adult film and pop videos versus how lesbians actually live their lives. It’s called reality, and to a greater extent, a three dimensional lifestyle. White males still influence the landscape of modern advertising and marketing because their consumer buying power holds that much sway, but that might not last forever either. A hundred years from now the gender and the race controlling our advertising dollars could be a whole different ball game. That’s if we make it another hundred years.

As someone who is firmly entrenched in an artistic community of writers, poets, journalists, musicians and other creative types, it would be foolish for me to take any other kind of stance when it comes to same sex partnerships. I’m a Republican, but I’m not a Republican from the Stone Ages, for chrissakes. One of my best friends growing up told me that he was gay some time around high school. Many of the friends that I have (or have had) in my life have been gay or lesbian. I’m also an Elton John fanatic, so it would be hypocritical to take an anti-homosexual stance when it comes to the people I talk to, the friendships I have, or the beliefs that I defend.

I’ve honestly never had a problem with it, and often wonder if the people who are most homophobic might have personal issues of their own to resolve before they project them on other people, if you know what I mean. Assuming that every gay person is going to hit on you (as a man) or that every lesbian woman will attempt to convert you (if you’re a girl) is narcissistic and false. Gay and lesbian people are not sexual werewolves with no impulse control and it doesn’t work that way. You’re ’safe’, so don’t obsess about homosexuals going out of their way to convert you. They’re not Mormons and they don’t have a vested interest in intentionally growing the population by recruiting people who aren’t interested. Think about it.

Love is the bottom line where relationships are concerned whether it’s heterosexual or homosexual. If you love someone and they love you back, where is there a problem? There isn’t one, and it shouldn’t be for anyone else involved, either. End of discussion.

Off the fence on another argument,

Tom Waters


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