Posts Tagged ‘think twice radio’

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Big Words I Know By Heart Episode 51: ‘Intelligentsia’

August 14, 2018

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This episode marks the ten year anniversary (give or take a few days) that a) I walked into producer Richard Wicka’s Home Of The Future for the first time (for an interview on Susan Marie’s ‘This Is Not The Apple’ podcast) and b) that Richard and I have been great friends.  In all that time, he’s been many things to me: a friend, a mentor, a creative, an intellectual, and someone who I look up to.  So it was only a matter of time before I had him on the show.  He was a lot more open and at ease in the Guest chair than I expected.  And his pal Julia D (whose last name I wouldn’t even try to spell) helped to take the pressure off of the studio environment we thrive in for the show.  See for yourself:

 

Thanks to Richard for the show and for ten fascinating years with Think Twice Radio as a podcaster and in the Home Of The Future for our discussions, meals, bonfires and video shows.  Thanks to Julia for bringing her West Coast sensibilities to the room.  I’ve still got some catching up to do on this site, so we’ll talk soon.

Tom

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Big Words Video 51.1: Richard Wicka-‘Notes From The Ground Floor’

August 9, 2018

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I’ve been a very bad blogger.  It’s been some time since a new show and an update of any kind on the site, so this is me catching up.  While this show and Bonus clip were originally posted two months ago, if this is the first time you’re reading about it, it’s new to you!  Below you will find a quick link to Richard Wicka’s very personal, funny and insightful take on the Bonus clip, ‘Notes From The Ground Floor’.  We came up with the title after a discussion regarding the actual translation for the book ‘Notes From The Underground’.  Check it out.  More to come soon.

Tom

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Sterlace & Saracki #45: Wholesome To The Max, Good News & even more good news…

August 3, 2014
A room full of narcissists.

A room full of narcissists.

Okay, folks!

The Greg Sterlace Show appearance is in the can and is now live on ‘the YouTubes’.  You can view the show in all of it’s highly offensive glory at:

Sterlace & Saracki #45: Wholesome To The Max

We had a fantastic time.Show producer Richard Wicka assures me that the episode will air on Time Warner Cable some time in September on a Friday at 7 p.m.  I’ll believe that when I see it.  Someone is bound to get sued as a result of this episode and picketing against The Home Of The Future may be a distinct possibility.  Whatever the case, it’s just good comedy.  Many thanks to Sterlace, Saracki, Amy Smardz & the rest of Greg’s band of merry pranksters for having me on the show and making it happen.

As for The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour, there’s good news for those of you who are late to the party.  The majority of the shows are in fact still available online.  All  you have to do is click the newly revised link to the right of this post in my ‘Links’ section under ‘The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour’ and you can listen to four years worth of podcasts.

And for purposes I’m not yet ready to reveal, I now have a Twitter and Instagram account.  It’s time to get with the 21st century.  You can follow my exploits on Twitter and Instagram under this handle:

@tomfoolery444

I’ve got a really Big announcement to make tomorrow.  I’ve been toiling away on a new project and I’m almost at a loss for Words.  If only there were a Video clip I could quick-link to explain said project…

Check back with me tomorrow.  Onward and upward, gang.

Read the rest of this entry ?

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A Return Of Sorts To The Greg Sterlace Show…Things Have Changed

July 27, 2014

I realize that it’s been a long time in blog years since I’ve posted. Well a lot has happened in my personal life in the last nine months. I’ll get to that shortly…
Next week I’ll be appearing on Greg Sterlace’s new talk show at Richard Wicka’s Home Of The Future Studio in West Seneca. His live action show appears on Time Warner Cable as well as ‘the Youtubes’. Those of you who have followed my misadventures may remember that the last time I appeared on his show, I made a joke so outrageous that the episode was banned from public broadcast at the last minute. There’s no telling what sort of trouble and mayhem may occur this time, but Richard assures me that YouTubes standards and practices are much more lenient than Time Warner’s. I’ll throw a link up for all of you next week. Sterlace is back in Buffalo where he belongs and it’ll be nice to see him, his wife Paula and Richard in one fell swoop.
I’m sad to report that Mevio.com, the site that hosted the entire episodic run of The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour, has folded. This means (unfortunately) that the bulk of that show has disappeared from the SuperInformation Highway forever. If you still have older episodes on your ‘Itunes’, you may want to hang onto them, because for the time being, I have no plans to host the show elsewhere. You can still listen to a handful of the final episodes at: http://www.thinktwiceradio.com.
As for my personal life, I’ve been going through a divorce since November of last year. My son Benjamin is now fourteen months old. I’ve also stopped drinking, which may come as a shock to many of you. A lot has changed. I’ve changed more in the last eight months than I have in the last twenty years.
The good news is that my sense of humor has returned and it’s sharper than it’s ever been. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how my penchant for creativity will fit into my new lifestyle, if it fits at all, and how to implement a creative outlet without reverting into the vindictive, egotistical maniac that I’ve portrayed so well for the last ten or so odd years.
I don’t have an answer to that question yet, but I’m working on it. Just because I’m working on becoming a better person doesn’t mean that comedy has become extinct in this brave new world.
I may ramp up my persona and magnify it despite the kinder, gentler person I’ve become. I might try NOT to do that thing where I gain some momentum as a writer or a broadcaster and somehow manage to piss everyone off and ruin everything in the process. Time will tell. Whatever the case, I do not regret the past nor do I wish to shut the door on it.
Stay tuned. Things are about to get interesting again. America is all about second acts and second chances and the curtain hasn’t even gone up yet. The intermission is almost over and the show will resume shortly.

Sincerely,
Tom Waters

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Big Words Radio Episode 69: ‘Common Motherf#$@*ers’

February 9, 2012

To be completely honest, I went into the studio with the preconceived notion that cartoonist Tom Beland was going to be pretty square as a guest.  Having only met radio host Michael Hoffert Jr. before, I also assumed that his soft-spoken demeanor wouldn’t gel well with the spirit of Big Words Radio.  You know what they say about assuming.  I was wrong on both counts.  Beland was a riot once he opened up and Mr. Hoffert balanced out my random insanity with a lexicon of rote knowledge about the comics industry as well as a genuine zeal for the art form.  Here is your synopsis:

 

Episode 69: ‘Common Motherf#$@*ers

Tom & Executive Dual Host Michael Hoffert Jr. (‘It Came From The Longbox’) talk with writer/cartoonist Tom Beland (‘True Story, Swear To God’) via ‘The Skype’ about romance, comics, profanity, stand-up comedy and smoking too much weed.

 

-To hear the show on the Think Twice Radio roster, click your way over to:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

 

-To hear every episode in the history of Big Words Radio including bonus clips, bonus episodes and outtakes, click on:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

 

-In addition, you can subscribe to Big Words Radio for free on ‘the iTunes’ by searching ‘Big Words Radio’ in Podcasts and selecting the Comedy listing.

 

My apologies and thanks to Tom Beland and Mike Hoffert for assuming the worst only to discover that they brought their A game to the table.  This was a great show and after we taped, I came to the conclusion that it was a great show whether I was a part of it or not.  Tom opened up with some personal information he’s never offered before.  Mike (who’s used to discussing newly released comics rather than talking to their creators) truly shined when he had a chance to talk to one of his heroes.  All I did was insert my usual brand of insanity into the program.  It was a neat blend of personalities that made for an entertaining listen.

We’re setting our sights for unusual game next month.  Co-host William Dyson (who’s the very definition of bizaare) and myself will be talking to Buffalo rapper Art Shepard/a.k.a. ‘Lex’ about his debut album.  Last year, Big Words Radio got ‘back to its roots’ and I focused more on intriguing guests instead of brand name celebrities with stock responses.  It paid off.  This year, I’ll be getting back to the artists (local and national) who are more deserving of a wider audience.  While the show is erratic and goofy and all over the place most of the time, there is a definitive blueprint that I’m trying to reinforce.

Playing outside the boundaries of the traditional interview remains the framework for a show that’s been anything but formulaic.

Cheers,

Tom

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Out With The Old, In With The New

December 29, 2011

2011 was truly a banner year all around.  If someone told me this time last year that I’d launch three books in the span of 8 months while working on two more and holding down a full time job, I’d tell them they were nuts.

Mockery got better media exposure than my last three books combined and went on to sell more copies faster than any other book I’ve released.  In terms of sales it’s second only to If They Can’t Take A Joke.  It continues to sell steadily even though the inaugural push is over with.

Mark McElligott’s Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind was a resounding breakout success from a talented and previously unheard of writer.  Together we managed to find a larger audience for his idiosyncratic brand of humor in his hometown of Lockport as well as throughout Buffalo.  And while there was no real launch campaign for Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick, it’s turned a tidy profit since its release in August that would make its previous poetry predecessors proud.  The collection was received as an entertaining step forward compared to both Breathing Rooms.

            Somehow this year I also managed to get banned from Time Warner Cable and earned a film credit for the music video ‘I Wanna Be Oprah’ (which is still available on YouTube).  I guess we can chalk both up to being in the right place at the right time.

While doing some site maintenance this morning I realized that some of the links to the right here were broken.  I updated all of them to ensure that they were functional, so for those interested, you can now click on Born Pissed and Zany Hijinx to buy my first two books or click on ‘The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour’ link to go right to the show.  All of the links on the right-hand sidebar are fully operational again, so browse at your leisure!

Speaking of Big Words Radio, Season 4 turned out to be the magic number.  Somehow despite the over-the-top comedy and subversive, offensive content the show turned out to be the Little Podcast That Could, finding an audience of over 3,000 listeners per month.  Season 5 promises to be just as crass and irreverent as it’s always been, so stay tuned!

The next two years should be light duty compared to this one.  I’m putting the finishing touches on Icarus On The Mend: Memoirs Of A Manic Depressive before working on the cover and interior design with cover artist Derek Patrick Evoy and graphic designer Brian Platter (Six Shot Studios) for a firm signed and numbered (50 copies only) hardcover release date of October 25th, 2012.  Exactly one year later the book will appear again in two trade paperback volumes for the general public.

It remains to be seen whether there will be a 2012 Doubt It Publishing Author Of The Year.  The book I devoted countless time into proofreading, editing and consultation on fell through due to contract negotiations and after Voices From The Herd I have zero interest in extending a call for submissions.  I am working with someone on something else but time will tell if the concept bears fruit or not.

Thanks for such a spectacular year, everybody.  I look forward to a productive and financially successful New Year!

 

Sincerely,

Tom Waters            

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The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour Finale Roast

December 6, 2011

After 100 episodes, who knew that my former co-hosts would have so much pent up rage towards yours truly?

Seriously though, Friday’s Finale taping was everything I was hoping for and more.  After some exhaustive editing and splicing work over the course of the weekend we’ve got nearly two hours of creative variety and hilarious lambasting coming your way.  Here are your synopses:

The Big Words Radio Hour Finale Roast Pt.I: ‘Fag Hags & The 99%’

A star-studded cast of co-hosts from the catastrophic history of the program turn up to kick Tom in his baby nuts on the way down for the craptacular finale to a four year run of The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour.  Intentionally Bald Mike leads the charge, playwright Jon Elston gets himself into trouble, poet/comedian Josh Smith tears Tom a new one, Gun Nut Brendan enjoys what’s left of his Tullamore Dew (after Tom ‘has his way’ with it), Timmy C. reminisces about ‘Foamy Cokes’, Diabetes Dave laments his mom’s last pap smear, and all of the co-hosts in attendance launch an intervention with painfully poor results.

The Big Words Radio Hour Finale Roast Pt.II: ‘I Was Just Looking For Q-Tips & Polyps.’

Zombie Chris comes out of seclusion to discuss ‘the Meeghan double dip’, Tom’s old roommate Charles ‘Chezzie’ reflects on their magical bachelor years and refines his comedy routine, Doubt It Publishing wunderkind Mark McElligott further incriminates himself, Intentionally Bald Mike and Gun Nut Brendan return to cross a woefully small sword, rock star Michael Bly makes an unexpected cameo with his girlfriend Danielle and Intentionally Bald Mike blows a gasket over some shocking news about the show.

The Big Words Finale Bonus Round!

Hawaiian and/or Filipino wind-up car enthusiast Terry Kimmel shares a magical fantasy with Tom in the lead role and Chezzie sharpens up his comedy routine with mixed results.

To hear all three finale episodes along with every episode in the show’s history, click your way over to:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

You can also download the entire catalog for free by searching the Podcast section and clicking on the ‘Comedy’ listing on ‘the iTunes’.  Part I & II of the finale will appear on http://www.thinktwiceradio.com by the end of the week.

I owe a huge debt of gratitude to everyone who called in and showed up to tear me a new one.  Thanks for making the Finale so memorable.  A very big thank you goes out to Intentionally Bald Mike as well for being such an influential force from the humble beginnings of the show all the way to the end.

Well what the hell are you waiting for?  Download the damn shows already!

Enjoy,

Tom Waters

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Big Words Radio 67: ‘Tricky Dicks & Pregnant Possibilities’

November 17, 2011

Last night’s show was pitch perfect.  For the final studio episode of The Big Words I  Know By Heart Radio Hour I couldn’t have asked for a better guest, co-host or program.  For four years now producer and Think Twice Radio creator Richard Wicka has kept mostly silent for over 100 shows.  Until now.  Here’s your synopsis:

 

Episode 67: ‘Tricky Dicks & Pregnant Possibilities’

Tom rounds out his last show in the studio with Think Twice Nucleus Richard Wicka and co-host Carl Theil. The boys talk about their love lives, Occupy Wall Street, smelly hippies and an unexpected caller (Greg S.) weighs in without really bringing much to the table.

 

-To hear the show in full audio quality, click on over to:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

 

-To hear the newest episode along with bonus clips and the entire history of the show, click your way over to:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

 

-You can also subscribe to the show for free on ‘the iTunes’ by searching Big Words Radio in Podcasts and clicking on the show under the Comedy category.

 

Thanks are in order to Richard Wicka (who was a lot more candid and forthcoming with his answers than I expected), Carl Theil for bringing some class and actual big words to the show and Gregory Sterlace for calling in during the show (a bit of a first for us).  I got a little choked up during the end, but overall it was a magical evening.  Rich, Carl and I have had a lot of great discussions during meals over the years so it was great to finally capture our dynamic on the radio show.

We’re two weeks away from the Big Words Finale Roast, so in the mean time, I hope you enjoy this show as much as we loved doing it.

 

Sincerely,

Tom Waters

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T-Minus Two More Episodes: Big Words Radio Slowly Says Goodbye

November 15, 2011

Saying goodbye is a bitch.

 

It just hit me today that Big Words Radio is nearing a very real and definitive end of the road.  After being a guest on Susan Marie’s ‘This Is Not The Apple’ on Think Twice Radio in June of 2008, producer Richard Wicka asked me if I’d be interested in doing my own show.  I was reluctant, but after chewing on it for a few hours I figured ‘Why the hell not?’

It took a few shows to get my legs, but somehow the format figured itself out.  With my marriage, stress and an unexpected firing, the show turned into my therapy along with a launching pad for some of my favorite local musicians, national comic book artists and writers, adult film stars and a never-ending roster of great co-hosts.  Intentionally Bald Mike soon gained favor as a crucial part of the show.  Insanity, tell-all comedy and schmaltzy sound props quickly became the order of the day.

I can’t believe that it’s been four years.  I can’t believe that I’m two shows away from saying goodbye.  Between three or four different web sites, iTunes and a number of incarnations, put-ons and lurches and upsurges in the rest of my life, this is it.  It was a peripheral hobby that looked promising until it wasn’t.  Listeners started disappearing over the summer and the numbers kept getting worse.  Not one to go down with a sinking ship, I made a clear decision to ride out on a high note.

Tomorrow I’ll be coming full circle by interviewing the man who helped me to get the ball rolling: Producer Richard Wicka.  In three weeks time, every co-host who’s ever appeared on the show has a standing invitation to get back at me for all of my taunts, attacks and threats over the years for the Big Words Radio Finale on Friday, December 2nd from 6-8 p.m.  If you’ve been a co-host in the past and you’ve relocated, please phone your roast in to: (716) 823-1750.  Mention the roast at the beginning of your message and we’ll splice it into the last show.

There are too many people to thank who’ve been involved with the show so we’ll do that another time.  Early on I decided to formulate a persona that was clearly over the top compared to the voice I employ in my books.  Walking in the footsteps of heroes like Don Rickles, Lenny Bruce and Andrew Dice Clay, I figured that I’d host a show that I’d want to hear.  The kind of show that made me die laughing as a kid.  A format that made fun of everything.  Offensive, ridiculous and insane.  I hoped that people would get the gist of the spirit of the show.  I was wrong.

There was a boom in 2009 when the show split onto MyPodcast.com, but downloads and site hits have started vanishing in the last six months.  I guess my brand of comedy is a bit too extreme.  In 2002 I used to run out of breath hearing industry greats like Opie & Anthony in the studio with a rogue’s gallery of stand up comics tearing into each other.  I wanted to make a show that appealed to the comedian’s comedian.  For awhile it looked like it was working.

Best not to drag it out.  Chalk this up to closure.  I’m walking into the studio one last time and then we’re recording the Roast in December.  It’s tough to say goodbye to something that turned into such splendid therapy, but I strive to focus my efforts on projects with the largest audience.  Big Words Radio no longer falls into that category.

Counting down,

Tom

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Icarus Manuscript Fetches A King’s Ransom, Big Words Radio Wins An Award & Doubt It Publishing Looks For A New Author On The Roster

September 29, 2011

With such a large scale project accompanied by an enormous timeline, I thought it would be a natural idea to auction off the original manuscript (along with a copy of the hardcover when it’s released).  I started writing Icarus On The Mend last October (in 2010), spent the last two months proof-reading, spell checking and generally filling any gaps in the continuity and continue to put the finishing touches on the second read-through.  The auction started on FB this week and I’m astonished to see that the only copy that anyone can read for the next year is up to $225!  We’ll find out how much it fetches by close of business tomorrow.

A year from now, Icarus On The Mend will launch on my birthday (October 25th, 2012) in a limited, numbered hardcover edition comprised of 50 copies in an 8.25×10.75 format.  Due to the sheer size of the book (430 pages and counting in 6×9), I had to go bigger in order to make the book cost effective.  I’ve been working closely with a new artist on the cover concept and he’s researching mythology and moths for an acrylic painting due by August 1st.  Returning Doubt It graphic designer Brian Platter (Six Shot Studios) will be designing all three volumes of the book over the course of the next year from the interior to the wraparound cover layout.  Due to the nature (and content) of the book, I’m not in a big hurry to share it with everyone.  Regardless, the book is almost done and there seems to be a very large demand in the market for people to read it.  It’s been soothing to have a project that we can all take our time with for once so that we all make sure that the book is as perfect as it’s going to be by the time you buy a copy.

Once we all get around to October of 2013, Icarus On The Mend will come out in two soft cover trade paperback volumes in a 6×9 format with the addition of at least one new chapter.  Brian Platter is working on an original photo reel cover for the first volume along with an identical photo negative for the second.

The long term objective for all of this is to release a third volume some twenty years from now as a companion piece to the former two.  Many people have asked me how I can release an autobiography when my life is (in fact) not over with yet.  I decided to start writing it a year ago so that I could retain as much information as possible while it was still instantly retrievable.  After ten years of freelancing, it felt like the right time to reflect on my life in order to prepare for the future.  I also feel that my experience with manic depression might be able to help others coping with the illness, whether it’s relatives, friends of those diagnosed or people with the actual diagnosis.

The book has already drawn more controversy than I expected and it’s not even out yet.  For once I wasn’t trying to cause any trouble and it showed up to the party anyway.  The majority of the dissension came from the fact that (in almost every instance), I’ve used real names in this book.  My intent as to why I’d do this has been called into question and I’m going to address this by saying that there are two ways that you can pen a memoir: You can open up a big gray area where you edit what actually happened and try to apply a complementary image to your life or you can work on being unflinchingly honest about yourself and others.  I haven’t compromised my art so far and I’m certainly not going to start now.  I didn’t use real names as a marketing ploy and (unless the events reported could have caused someone immediate harm), I didn’t use real names to cause anything scandalous.  Again, it felt like the right thing to do and my intentions were genuine.

I’m shooting for a $40 price point on the hardcover and a $15 price point on each soft cover.  It’s been awhile since I’ve released a book in hardcover format (If They Can’t Take A Joke), so I’m not sure if this will be possible, but that’s what we’re aiming at.  I appreciate all the feedback that those of you on Facebook have provided in the interim whether it was positive or negative and I’m pretty shocked by the amount of money some of you have been willing to shell out towards the manuscript.  It’s been very encouraging and it’s given me the initiative for that final push towards polishing off what’s left that needs to be done.  This won’t be my last book by a long shot, but the production window is buying me enough time for starting a family, taking a long break (if I’m capable of taking it) or the opportunity to focus on other projects and other authors for Doubt It Publishing.

Wrapping up, it looks as if The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour is receiving a You Rock award at Bravo on October 22nd to commemorate the Busted Stuff two-party from earlier in the year.  British journalist Joel Meadows will be my distinguished guest on Big Words Radio on October 25th, Richard Wicka will be my guest in November and we’re doing the Big Words Finale Show early in December.  The Buffalo News has also accepted my third and final My View submission for the year which should be running some time in October.  They have a three submission cap and one of my goals this year was to hit all three.  There’s also one month left for promising Buffalo authors to submit their original manuscripts for possible publication as a 2011 Doubt It Publishing Author Of The Year.  Manuscripts can be sent to: bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com with ‘Submission’ in the subject field.

 

Have a great rest of the week and thanks for keeping up,

Tom Waters

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Big Words Radio Episode 65: ‘Anal Bleaching Changed My Life’

September 8, 2011

While Big Words Radio is winding down for the big farewell in December and I continue to toil away on the autobiography, I find myself more and more nostalgic.  That being said, it was a once in a lifetime treat to have my best friend of over twenty years Ron and our mutual friend and former coworker Mansel on last night for one of the last four or five shows.  Here’s your synopsis:

 

Episode 65: ‘Anal Bleaching Changed My Life’

Tom and his two friends of over 20 years (Ron and Mansel) reminisce about old girlfriends, great asses, getting stoned out of their tree and how Mansel bagged his trophy substitute teacher before the altar.

 

To hear the show in all of its audio glory, click on over to:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

 

You can also listen to all 95 shows along with bonus clips and out takes at:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

 

And lest we forget that you can subscribe to the show on ‘the iTunes’ by searching ‘Big Words Radio’ and clicking on the show under the Comedy listing.

 

Greg Sterlace, Paula Wachowiak and Robb Nesbitt also made a surprise (albeit silent) appearance last night in the studio during the taping, so I’d like to thank them as well for showing up during the tail end of the program.

It’s been decided.  I’ll be holding a Finale show on Friday, December 2nd from 6-8 p.m. and rounding up as many former co-hosts as I can so that we can see the show out in style for a good old fashioned roast.  The site hits and downloads just aren’t what they used to be.  Most of you have tuned out, so it’s time for me to move on to something else.  After four years it depresses me that I have to shut down so soon, but it just doesn’t seem worth it anymore.  Despite this, I’ll be following the year out to its natural conclusion.

I’d like to take a moment to thank my producer Richard Wicka for seeing some sort of promise in me that I haven’t fulfilled.  The show got off on the right foot, but somewhere along the line I took things too far and never regained my composure.

I’d also like to thank Ron and Mansel for coming back into the fold before the show finished up.  It meant a lot to me to link back up with some old friends who have known me for so long.

Back in June of 2008 I tried to come up with a comedy show that was extreme.  Something that pushed the envelope and made people laugh uncomfortably and effortlessly.  I guess I tried to hard and that most of Buffalo didn’t get what I was trying to do or didn’t care.  Whatever the case, it’s over.  Four more months and then the fat lady sings.

 

Please tell a friend or share the link to the show so that we can end on a positive note.

 

Have a great week,

Tom

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Big Words Radio Turning Point

July 26, 2011

The fourth year for Big Words Radio could be the final one.

 

Downloads have been dropping steadily for the last two months.  I like to stay productive, but I don’t see a discernable benefit to putting so many man hours into punching up a prospectus, booking guests and slaving over the production, sound editing, intro and outro music and everything else involved with each show if the audience isn’t there.  This time last year the show was on a roll while it was nearing extinction on Mypodcast.com.  Roll the calendar forward by twelve months and we’re moving in the wrong direction.  I’m not quite sure what’s happening or where my crowd went where the radio show is concerned.  The books are selling better than they ever have.  Site hits here & everywhere else have been blowing up.  The new Twitterverse following is growing exponentially.  Big Words Radio is dying a slow death & it doesn’t make sense.  Like some hosts I could pretend that the show is better than ever, but I deal in facts and abide by honesty.

Here’s what’s going to happen: If I don’t see a marked increase in free subscriptions on iTunes or a spike in downloads on Mevio.com by the end of this summer, the show is over.  It’s that simple.  I’m not going to keep investing what little free time I have into trying to make people laugh with over the top outrageous comedy if you’re not down with the cause.  In for a penny, in for a pound.  Now’s the time to show me if you’re listening because if you’re not, I’m not doing it anymore.  I’ll pick up my toys and go home.

Maybe the podcasting boom has burst.  Maybe all of you are busy this summer (very probable).  Maybe my readers only have so much time that they’re willing to devote to waxing my ego.  I get that.  In case you haven’t noticed though, I deal in absolutes.  If the show isn’t growing, then it’s time to close the door.

My career as a writer is turning a very sharp corner this year in an incredibly positive way that I never imagined it would & it’s all happening this year at a lightning pace.  As a podcaster, not so much.  Half of my life is most likely over, so I’d like to make good use of the next half.  Please let me know how to invest my time wisely.

Some radio hosts and some writers can create without one person reading or listening.  I’m not that kind of person anymore.  I’ve got too many plates in the air to play by those rules.

If you want the show to go on, hop onto iTunes & subscribe to Big Words Radio in the podcast section under the ‘Comedy’ listing.  Download your ass off.  There are almost 92 hours of material that’s pretty damned funny.  It’s been a good run, but it might be time to hang up my hat and say farewell.

If you don’t have an iPod, surf on over to:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

Download 5 episodes.  Download 92 episodes.  Tell a friend.  Listen in your car.  Please spread the word.  It’s been real and it’s been fun, but this could be the tail end of it.

 

It’s up to you.

Tom Waters

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‘I Want To Be Oprah’

July 18, 2011

Rather by accident (and because I was glad that they were back), I wound up ‘acting’ in Paula Wachowiak’s new music video ‘I Want To Be Oprah’.  I’m not exactly gung ho on acting, but it was a non-speaking role & the work was easy.  All I had to do was be an asshole, so it wasn’t really acting at all.  You can view the completed video at:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUafzrMKZjE

 

Please click the link & comment accordingly!  Paula & Greg Sterlace did a great job along with Richard Wicka at Think Twice Radio.  I’m glad to have a film credit under my belt since I don’t have any intention of pursuing acting in the foreseeable future.  That’s one more check mark off the Bucket List.

 

Take care,

Tom Waters

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Big Words Radio Episode 62: Auto Erotic Ass Pixelation (w/Brian Kahle)

June 13, 2011

On the playback, I felt that last night’s show with Brian Kahle couldn’t have been any more perfect.  Brian was charming, funny and well-spoken.  John Kindelan was funny, engaging when it was called for and well-spoken.  It was just the right blend of offensiveness, revealing answers and intelligent responses.  If every show was like this one, I’d do it a hell of a lot more often.  I made a conscious decision a year ago to devote one calendar year on the show to booking guests that I had an existing rapport with versus landing national celebrities and wound up somewhere in the middle.  The proof is in the pudding right here.  Here’s your synopsis for Episode 62:

 

Episode 62: Auto Erotic Ass-Pixelation

Tom settles in for a bucket of scotch while he trades industry stories with Buffalo icon Brian Kahle (Magic Marketing) and co-host John Kindelan (theboompage.com).  The boys discuss mustaches, helipads and their enormous financial largesse.

 

To hear the show, click here:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

 

You can also hear the new show (along with every previous episode and bonus clip) here:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

 

I applaud Brian Kahle for his frank and candid discussion as well as his career as a whole.  For a Buffalonian, I couldn’t have any more respect for him as a person.  It was a genuine thrill to be in the same room with two of the biggest marketing influences of my lifetime (Brian and Richard Wicka).  Thanks to both for making this show happen.  Thanks are also in order to John Kindelan for taking the time out to co-host.  He did a bang-up job of rolling with the punches.

I’ve got some entertaining things planned for the next two shows that should prove to be fun for listeners.  You’ll find out more in July.

Thanks for tuning in,

Tom Waters

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Cheers & Jeers: Events As They Develop

June 8, 2011

Okay, here’s the rundown for this particular week…

 

Doubt It Publishing Author Mark McElligott will be reading selections from his breakout debut book Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind  this Saturday at Caz Coffee Café at 7 p.m. in South Buffalo.  Our turnout was less than ideal at Finnan’s Pub last Sunday, so it would be really nice to see some of you who might be remotely interested in supporting local arts actually show up.  While we both realize that the weather is nice out, we’re in the final stretch of a three month junket and we’re busting our asses to get his book out to a new audience.  If you live in (or near) South Buffalo and you’re free on Saturday, please show some support and stop out to see us at Caz Coffee Café.

Most marketing and PR experts would suggest that I shouldn’t complain about a lack of turnout because it makes me look whiny or it makes us look bad.  I simply don’t care.  Mark and I have both invested a great deal of time and money into publishing two books and promoting them and it seems as if (now that the weather has improved) most of you have no interest in discovering just how funny his book is.  Please prove me wrong.  Clear up your schedule, skip a forgettable trip to the beach or a laughable summer venue and come out to see something real.  If you’re the sort of person who needs a newspaper to tell you what you should be interested in or what you should spend your disposable income on, take a chance for once and discover the actual art scene in Buffalo versus the Reader’s Digest abridged version.  Copies of Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind will be available for $15.

On the whole I’ve been deeply disappointed with audience turnout for this junket.  I have no control over it and there’s no way to analyze it, but many of you have let us down.  It’s easier to do nothing than it is to do something, so take comfort in your complacency.  To those of you who continue to show up for the book launches, readings and signings and those of you kind enough to tell your friends, spend money at our scheduled venues and spend your hard earned money to support our work, we really appreciate it.  If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t be able to continue creating and publishing new books.  If there were more people like you in Buffalo, there’s a strong possibility that we’d actually be able to make a living wage doing this and we’d be able to produce a larger body of work, but odds are that that will never happen since most people in Buffalo (again) need to be told what art is worth buying by their local media like lost and sluggish sheep.

I appreciate the cross section of you smart enough to make your own decisions and the fact that you march to the beat of your own drummer.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for making your own informed decisions based on internal judgment instead of a deep-seated need for peer approval or a desire to have someone else tell you what is and isn’t entertaining.  If you receive this message via email, I understand that it’s infinitely easier to delete this message than it is to take the time to read it and react or respond to it, so for those of you who are reading this right now, thank you.  To those of you who reply or react by showing up to a reading, thank you even more.  I’ll get off my soap box now.

At the time of this writing it is now June 9th, so the Doubt It Publishing call for submissions is now wide open until November 1st.  Again, if you’re a local (Buffalo) writer and you have a completed manuscript or a draft in the realm of fiction, non-fiction, poetry or short stories, please send your manuscript in at: bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com.  One of you will be chosen for publication in 2011 and I’ll give you the full force of my attention and publicity skills to ensure that we both turn a tidy profit on your brain trust in addition to setting up a slate of appearances and book signings.  If you’re willing to put in the work, so am I.

Thanks in large part to graphic designer extraordinaire Brian Platter (Six Shot Studios), Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick is coming along at a brisk pace.  The book should be available by August 1st at the rate we’re going, but I won’t count my chickens yet.  The format size is being developed so that it bridges Breathing Room Volume I and II.  The size of the book will be somewhere in between both, which says a lot about the content.  The cover looks gorgeous and I couldn’t be happier with the bold design choices that Brian has made for the interior.  For those of you daring enough to jump head first into a poetry book, you’re in for a pleasant surprise this fall.  JR Finlayson, David Waters and a host of other local poets and I will be touring throughout Buffalo after the festival and concert season in autumn to promote the book as well as other books.

This Sunday I’ll be returning to Think Twice Radio to interview broadcasting icon Brian Kahle for The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour along with local artist and blogger John Kindelan.  We’ll be talking about censorship, the line that’s blurred between advertising an investigative journalism and the current state of Buffalo broadcasting.  The conversation will be bold and uncompromising, but I’m sure you’ve come to expect that from me.  Your frequent (and often vocal) encouragement has molded me into the person I am today.

These are exciting times.  While my pace may be brisk and my candor unforgiving, it’s all because I’m building the framework for a larger plan.  The first ten years of my professional career as a writer are over.  I’m headlong into the next ten and the scope and landscape of a grander design is well underway.  For those of you willing to participate and play along, I’m eternally grateful.  As for the rest of you, you’re missing out on something very real and extremely fun.

 

Race you to next week,

Tom Waters

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A Few Acres Of Ground To Cover: New Books, New Shows & A Reality Check

May 29, 2011

What a productive week!  After telling multiple newspapers that I had no intention of writing an essay collection ever again, I found a way to write another essay collection: make it fun again.

Unlike any book I’ve written to date, it started with the title: Travesty.  My goal is to make every piece live up to the title of the book and to make sure that every single rant is shorter, funnier and more offensive than anything I’ve written to date.  I also set a few ground rules: nothing longer than three pages, every rant has to be written in one sitting and I can’t cover a topic I’ve covered so far.  I started last week with one rant about the supposed Rapture and haven’t stopped.  One third of the book is already done.  The only problem is that I have no idea when to release it.  Doubt It Publishing has a full dance card for the next two years, so I may have to piggyback it with the numbered hardcover release for Icarus On The Mend in the fall of 2012 and I’m leaning strongly towards that.

Pre-production on Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick (my third collection of poetry) is progressing at a rate that’s astonishing and well ahead of schedule.  Brian Platter (the graphic designer behind Six Shot Studios) has taken the bull by the horns and he’s tackled the book head on with a bold look, some daring choices for the title and content fonts and a beautiful presentation where the headers and footers are concerned.  For those of you who were trusting enough to make the leap along with me where Breathing Room Volume I and II were concerned, you won’t be disappointed.

The content has evolved since the original two poetry books to the point where I’m no longer aping my own heroes and I’ve developed my own voice where poems are concerned.  While it’s not necessarily a jumping off point, it is a progression, so we’re working overtime to create a size format that bridges the jump between Breathing Room Volume I and II.  If you buy this book this fall, you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the growth.  Two major national literary magazines (The Chiron Review and Chronogram) have already gotten on board with three different poems that they’ll be publishing in short order.

I devoted a week to submitting the content to the top poetry trades in the country along with putting the final touches on the manuscript and it’s already paying off.  While poetry books don’t pay off as well as my rant collections, it’s a labor of love and something I would do whether I turned a profit or not.  This new book means a lot to me and Six Shot Studios is doing a spectacular job on the appearance.  Expect the specialty format this fall by the time Mark McElligott and I get very serious about touring on a regional scale.

Last night I reconnected with two dear friends in person for the first time in three years: Greg Sterlace and Paula Wachoviak (sp?).  Greg and Paula are back in town for a limited time and he’s taken back the reins for The Greg Sterlace Show, his wildly popular Time Warner program spanning back over the last ten years.  The results of the show taping were horrific and hilarious at the same time.  For those of you who catch it on TV, it’s the epitome of cringe comedy.  I’ll have a link for you in a week or two, but in the mean time, here’s a sneak preview of a small percentage of the wrongness at play here on the Mr. Ski Mask show that Mark McElligott and I taped almost a month ago.  Click your way over to:

http://sterlace.com/episodes/index.php/2011/04/the-greg-sterlace-show-832

And finally, there are two new belated episodes of The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour available online as well as for free on iTunes.  Almost a month after the actual in-store event (I had to pick up a new SD Card Reader), I hammered out the content and edited it for full-scale enjoyment this morning and posted these two abominations.  Here are your links and synopses:

Episode 61: ‘My balloon knot will stay firmly tied’

Tom kicks off a comic book promotion at Don’s Atomic Comices with a star studded cast of special guests including Carrie & Ron Gardner, Monster Matt, Terry Kimmel, John Kindelan, Michael Hoffert Jr. and Brian Platter.  Newcomer Brian Bogucki gets blindsided while Mark McElligott rolls with the punches.

To hear the show online click on the link below:

http://www.mevio.com/episode/282800/episode-61-my-balloon-knot-will-stay

Tom’s Atomic Bonus Round: ‘Parting Words’

Tom closes out an evening of hilarity and insanity by getting a few more cheap shots in at Terry Kimmel’s expense and dropping a few promotional plugs for once.

To hear the show online click on the link below:

http://www.mevio.com/episode/282797/tom-s-atomic-bonus-round-parting-words

-You can also conveniently subscribe to the show for free on iTunes by searching ‘Big Words Radio’ under the Podcast section as well as the Comedy listing.  The Literature category is a dead link that is no longer active, so please subscribe and the entire library will be at your command!

May was a horrible month for the show in terms of downloads and requests, so I implore you to visit the sites or subscribe to the show.  Without a noticeable increase in traffic I see no reason to keep devoting so much time to working on pre-show prep, research, questions, guests, recording time, production and posting time.  If you enjoy the show, please tell your friends, spread the word and download at will.  Big Words Radio has been booming since September of 2010 and it’s crushing to see the latest numbers.  For a show production that costs me so much in man hours without collecting any monetary revenue, I could really use your help.  Download, listen and tell your friends.  Unlike some other podcast hosts, I don’t cook my numbers.  Despite some recent turbulence that has zero bearing on this month’s numbers, I would really appreciate your ears (and your feedback) on the show.  I’ve spent four years slaving away on a free hobby and it would mean a lot to me if you pitched in and clicked a link or shared the show with the people you know.  All I ask for is a spreading contagion on my stats by the end of June.  Please help me out.

Mockery is selling better and faster than any book that preceded it, so thank you so much for that.  Every appearance has been positive and the book is breaking down barriers heretofore unheard of.  You have no idea how grateful I am for all of the people who have come on board and spread the word about my work and my book.

Three people in the same week commented or asked about the level of my output lately (a lot) and I wish I had an answer for all of you.   I’m in a good place.   The big picture is clicking comfortably into a lifestyle that leads me to bigger and better things along with the ability to write more and publish more often.  Things will only get better from here.  Doubt It Publishing is not a short term subsidy house or a slash and burn print on demand concept, it’s quickly becoming a reality.  I’m going to have to make a hard decision in November when it comes around to picking a new Author Of The Year to work with.

At the risk of sounding insincere or faux-humble, here’s what’s always guided and informed me: William Carlos Williams.  He was a popular poet, a family man and a practicing physician.  After a full overtime shift and an appropriate amount of time eating dinner and tucking his kids into bed and spending time with his wife, he added some hours to his waking existence to writing poems.  I’m an artist from Buffalo.  This is the only option that any of us have for expressing ourselves.  If your work means that much to you, make the time for it.  That’s it.  None of us are busier than William Carlos Williams was, so what’s your excuse?  If what you have to say and want to say is important, you’ll find a way to express it and make the time to do it above and beyond every other responsibility that you have.

I’m nobody special.  Writing is the way that I cope with a world that I can’t grasp or deal with without figuring it out on paper.  None of us are heroes or gods or legends and the majority of us do it because we need to.  Otherwise we’d lose our minds without the outlet.  All of this is work.  All of this is important and vital and crucial to me.  Whether it’s a mountain or a mole hill, this is what keeps me relatively sane.

Thank you so much for making it a lucrative side business.  In another ten years, I hope to make it a career.  Please help me work towards it.

Keeping busy,

Tom Waters

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Big Words Radio Episode 59: A Big Basket Of Shameful Joy

April 11, 2011

I’m going to apologize right off the bat for behaving myself.  I respect writer/artist Mark Kalesniko and I value my friendship with Atomic Don too much to batter either of them vocally on the show.  While I goof around on most of the shows, I played this one straight and we had fun despite my apparent professionalism.  Here’s your synopsis:

 

Episode 59: A Big Basket Of Shameful Joy

Tom dials up Mark Kalesniko (the writer and artist for the new book Freeway by Fantagraphics) along with returning co-host Atomic Don to talk about Asian women, working for Disney and ‘the acid shits’. Diets are changed, beers are consumed and Mark plays along with the boys like a champ.

 

 

To hear the show in full audio quality, click on over to:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

 

To hear all 81 episodes including the new one along with bonus clips, out-takes and additional episodes, click over to:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

 

You can also subscribe for free to The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour on ‘the iTunes’ by searching ‘Big Words Radio’ in the Podcasts section.  Dial it up and rate high, folks!

 

 

Thanks to Mark Kalesniko and Atomic Don for rolling with the punches.  Thanks are again in order to producer Richard Wicka for putting up with/dealing with my horrendous artistic temperament before, during and after the show.

With a recent cancellation for my May show, I’m putting a call out for a new guest!  If you’re a local artist, musician, writer, painter, etc., now would be the ideal time to get ahold of me.  Kindly send me a query email at: bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com.  The Big Words I Know By Heart One Man Mobile Unit will be taping in about two or three weeks, so speak now or get lost in the vacuum.  If you have an observable talent and a small degree of conversational savvy, now’s the time to let me know!

That’s all for today.  I’ve got a few more aces up my sleeve later this week, but I’m saving them for the time being.

Talk to you soon,

Tom Waters

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‘Tom Waters Mocks You’ in ArtVoice Daily, AV’s ‘Best Of Buffalo’ Awards

April 3, 2011

Artvoice Managing Editor Geoff Kelly was kind enough to punch up a quick and engaging blurb (with cover photo) about the new book online for their ‘ArtVoice Daily’ section.  To view Geoff’s write-up (with one of the more scathing samples from the book), click over to:

http://blogs.artvoice.com/avdaily/2011/04/01/tom-waters-mocks-you/

Thank you to Geoff and ArtVoice for the wonderful mention.  And again, I’m asking all of you to take the time and (if you’re willing), vote for me for Best Writer and Best Radio Personality in ArtVoice’s ‘Best Of Buffalo’ Awards.  Every little bit of promotion helps for Mockery and AV has a lock on the downtown Buffalo audience.  Please consider me for these two crucial categories by logging in at:

http://best.artvoice.com

This isn’t an ego thing.  I’ve never officially ‘run’ for either category before, but with the new book out, winning (or even being considered) would be a great help.  And finally, if you’d like to hear ‘Stop The Press!’, my interview with Geoff Kelly from Big Words Radio (way back in August of 2008), click over to:

http://www.mevio.com/episode/164954/episode-ix-stop-the-press

Have a great week and I’ll talk to you all soon,

Tom

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Big Words Radio Racks Up The Downloads!

January 10, 2011

2011 is already shaping up to be one hell of a year.  I checked the download stats for The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour and for the month of December there were 1087 downloads on Mevio.com alone!  The Think Twice Radio site had an uptick in traffic as well, garnering 240,177 unique site hits along with 8,951 visits to the site.  What does this mean?  This means that the show is kicking ass!  I still have no idea where all of this traffic is coming from but I’m not complaining.

I urge those of you who listen to shoot me an email at: bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com with your geographical location along with a brief description of how you came across the show. You can also phone your comments or impressions of the show in at (716) 823-1750.  The next studio show is at the end of February (with New Zealand writer/artist Dylan Horricks) and I would love to air some phone calls during the show.  Do you want to hear your voice on the air?  Do you want to plug your band, book, business or project or possibly make your way onto the show as a future guest?  Calling or emailing is a quick and easy way to do so.

I’ve also heard from some of you that Big Words Radio is no longer available on iTunes.  This simply isn’t true.  While the site was shut down on mypodcast.com, there’s a quick and easy way to switch feeds and download all 69 episodes of the show.  I did some homework today and Big Words Radio is indeed still on iTunes. If you go to http://www.bigwords.mevio.com/, just click on ‘subscribe on iTunes’ near the icon on the right hand side. You’ll be able to download any or all episodes onto your iPod within minutes.

We’re also less than two weeks away from what will surely prove to be a historic ‘parter of two’ at Dee’s Firehouse on January 27th at 6 p.m.  Dee’s is located at 4628 Broadway Avenue in Depew NY just minutes away from Transit Rd. on the corner of Broadway and Lackawanna Ave.  2010 Buffalo Night Life Music Award winners for Best Rock Duo Busted Stuff will be playing a free concert while I record the event for inclusion on Big Words Radio.  We’re all collectively putting the word out, so this concert is going to be a real barn-burner.  Mark your calendar, tell all your friends and for god’s sakes, take off of work the following day because this show is going to be epic!

Thanks for listening, thanks for downloading and thanks for spreading the word about Big Words Radio.  Please take the time to email or (better yet) call in with a quick impression on the show.  I really appreciate your support.  If it wasn’t for so many listeners, I probably never would have come back from my self-imposed hiatus.  Here’s to a bright, beautiful future for Big Words Radio!

 

Sincerely,

Tom Waters

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2011: Veni, Vedi, Veci (‘I came, I saw, I conquered’)

January 2, 2011

Happy New Year everybody!

            2011 is going to be an incredibly busy year for myself and Doubt It Publishing.  I’m not even sure where to begin, but I guess we’ll proceed chronologically.

            The deadline for Doubt It Publishing’s Author Of The Year has come and gone and it’s time to make the announcement.  I’m proud to let you all know that I’ve chosen Mark McElligott’s Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind for publication this year.  It’s an uproariously funny collection of hilarious, ‘out there’ rants that made me laugh out loud on multiple occasions.  His sense of humor is a blend of Woody Allen, Dave Attell and Steve Martin.  He’s goofy, perverse and tremendously talented and we’re both looking forward to showcasing his work to a much larger audience this spring!    

            I’ve got a full slate of new bar assignments for the Buffalo News Gusto that I’ll be knocking out at a rate of one bar per week.  After reviewing The Dog House in Alden, I was saddened to discover that they closed until further notice before I had time to do the write up.  My condolences to the owners as well as the staff there for the unfortunate incident that led to their shutting down.  I had a wonderful time when I went and there was a roofing accident a week later that led to their demise. 

            At the end of this month (on Thursday, January 27th at 6 p.m.), The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour will be recording live on location by hosting a free concert with 2010 Buffalo Music Award winners for Best Rock Duo Of The Year Busted Stuff at Dee’s Firehouse on 4628 Broadway Ave. in Depew.  If you’re free, we’d love to see you at this event!  Dave and Cynthia are great people and they’re incredibly talented, so I look forward to hearing them play again.  They’re also launching a debut CD of original music around the same time frame, so hopefully they’ll have copies on hand to sell.

            As far as my autobiography goes, the first draft is finished.  Icarus On The Mend: Memoirs Of A Manic Depressive clocks in at a hefty 430 pages (so far) and if the book gets any larger upon revision, I may have to split it into two volumes from a cost standpoint.  I’d prefer not to charge more than $30 for the book in a soft cover format, so that could be the direction I take when the book is released in either 2012 or 2013.   The book is unlike anything I’ve written before, and while I’ve been guarding the manuscript for its explosive content and the cacophony of sensational revelations within, I’ll be auctioning off the second draft this spring.  The current bid is at $50.  If you want to read the book before it comes out, feel free to email me with a bid before spring.

            In February, I’ll be interviewing artist/writer Dylan Horrocks (Hicksville), who hails all the way from New Zealand.  This will be a studio show for The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour.  His breakout book was just republished this previous summer from Fantagraphics press and it’s one of the best graphic novels I’ve ever read.  Don will be co-hosting with me.

            By April, my ninth collection (Mockery) will launch online and in stores.  It’s a 130 page collection of nothing but finely tuned rants and the book is layered like a stand up comedy act.  This is the first book where I’ve worked diligently on the pacing of the humor throughout the book and the effect on readers should be noticeably different and vastly improved.  It’ll retail for $14.99 and while I never say never, this may be my final essay collection.  Eve Barbour (of Eve Barbour Designs) will be working on the cover layout and interior and Ryan Miller took the cover photo (a black and white picture of me laughing at a little girl who dropped her ice cream cone).  I’ve started working on a fiction novel which I’m not prepared to discuss in any capacity yet as the work is still fresh. 

            I’m not sure what the back half of 2011 will hold for me, Doubt It Publishing, Mark McElligot and The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour, but I’m certainly looking forward to it.  This is going to be a great year and I look forward to taking the journey with all of you.  As always, stay tuned to the web sites for more details as they emerge.  To sum everything up, get ready to laugh.  A lot. 

Sincerely,

Tom Waters

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Monday Big Words Update! Post Infringement/Pre-Pheonix Resistance

August 3, 2009

 Whelp, last week was interesting. 

The Kahle & Co. radio show went very well last Wednesday on 1340 AM.  Brian Kahle and myself riffed away, talked about the new book, and of course, I worked in more plugs than I should have.  Thanks are in order to Brian for being kind (or daring) enough to have me on the show again.  While Lockport is a bit of a hike, he’s got a very loyal audience and I always appreciate their time.

The 5th annual Buffalo Infringement Festival also wrapped up over the weekend and I had an interesting time reading at Nobody’s Art Space on Elmwood and Forest.  A special thanks goes out to Josh Smith and the rest of the Infringement organizers for giving me the freedom to either read or set up a table at my scheduled events.  Josh also got a five minute sound byte out of me for his own radio show, ‘The Way Up’, which you can listen to at thinktwiceradio.com or on ‘the iTunes’. 

This upcoming Friday, I’ll be recording a ‘parter of two’ at Faso’s Grateful Bear & Grill on 1506 Abbott Rd. in Lackawanna.  The event?  None other than The Pheonix Resistance (whom all of you got to hear first-hand at the Big Words Radio Anniversary party) performing a live concert at Faso’s!  I’ll be interviewing Johnny Berlin and the rest of the band before the show itself and the band will start tearing it up some time around 9 p.m.  Tickets will be $3 at the door, so if you want to be part of the next Big Words Radio Show, stop on out!

Speaking of events (nudge nudge), we’re less than a month away from the official Slapstick & Superego Book Release Party at Magruder’s Restaurant on Saturday, August 29th from 6 p.m.-10 p.m.  If you haven’t marked your calendars yet, please do so now.  Attendance is free but book purchases ($19.99) are strongly encouraged. 

And finally, the new issue of Night Life hits stands today with Part 1 of  ‘A Preacher, A Minister And A Rabbi Walk Into A Bank At The Same Time’, the religious tirade I read on Episode XXXIV of Big Words Radio. 

And that’s all the news that’s fit to print this week.  I’ll talk to you all in a few days,

Tom Waters

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2 New Shows! Episode 40: ‘Septuagenarian Stew’ & Will Holton Live @ The Tralf!

July 2, 2009
    Yesterday’s show was ridiculous!  A big thanks goes out to Mike ‘ring a ding’ Mariani and Gun Nut Brendan for bringing their A game and keeping the dialogue snappy and laugh-out-loud funny.  You won’t believe it until you hear it:
 
Episode 40 Synopsis:
    With no celebrity guest in sight, Tom viciously attacks his good buddy Mike. Gun-nut Brendan returns as co-host emeritus to get a few cheap shots in while mourning the loss of Michael Jackson.
 
    And I finally finished editing and posting Will Holton’s fantastic concert from mid-April at the Tralf.  I’m still peeved that the hour of conversation we had in November was lost (due to a technical glitch with the recording program I work on), but I’m glad his music made it through the process:
 
Will Holton Live At The Tralf:
     National recording artist Will Holton plays out to a sold-out crowd at the Tralfamadore in downtown Buffalo during a multi-city tour to promote the release of his debut album ‘Always’. 
 
    Thanks again to Will Holton and Tony Shep for the VIP passes and Jesse Rejewski of JR Audio for full access to the sound boards during the show.  The sound quality is top notch and if you enjoy jazz, you’re in for a treat.
 
    To hear both shows online, pop on over to http://www.bigwordsradio.mypodcast.com .
    To subscribe for free on iTunes, search ‘Big Words Radio’ in the Podcasts section.
 
    And with that, I’m completely caught up on the older shows!  Next week, I can start recording some new material and causing more mayhem in the greater Buffalo area.  Have a great rest of the week and enjoy the shows!
    Tom Waters   
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Quixote Wednesday Update! Guest Drought

June 25, 2009
I’ve got a serious problem with next week’s Think Twice Studio show on Wednesday: I don’t have a guest. 
 
    Between the total lack of technology for a few weeks there and a plan of action of contacting some a, b and c-listers in the last few weeks, nobody has come through.  I’ve got nothing.
    While Mike ‘ring a ding’ Mariani will be joining me as co-host, I’ve tried in the past to reserve the studio dates for national brand names that people would recognize. 
     If any of you happen to have a pipeline to a real star (again, NATIONAL or widely well-known), please let me know ASAP!  Comedians, writers, comic artists, adult film stars, actors, etc.  Odds are that if I haven’t heard of them, then I won’t be interested.  From a Buffalo standpoint, the only studio guests I’m currently interested in would be John Valby, Ani Difranco, Allison Pippitone, Shredd, Regan or a Bills or Sabres player.  If it’s a musician or a band, I would rather record them as a ‘One Man Mobile Unit’ off-site, so again, not interested.
     If you’ve got a valid guest idea, please drop me an email at: bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com.  Normally, I’ve got a guest booked a month in advance for these shows, but a week away and counting and I have no idea who’s going to be sitting in the hot seat (or waiting patiently on the phone) once the show goes on air. 
    Any help in this matter would be greatly appreciated.  One way or the other, Mike and I will have a great show.  Cross your fingers for us and drop us a line!  Thanks,
    Tom Waters  
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2 New Radio Shows! Uncle Hal 63 & Big Words Radio 38!

May 14, 2009

Yowser!

I just got done doing two back-to-back radio shows yesterday and boy is my mouth tired.

Seriously though, folks, there are two very different and very interesting shows up on a number of sites as of this morning. Yesterday afternoon, Uncle Hal came back swinging after a six month break for his 63rd episode and was nice enough to invite me back as co-host. If you’ve never heard The Pissed Off World Of Uncle Hal before, be forewarned. This is not your grandma’s comedy. We pull NO punches, anything and everything gets goofed on and every episode is more brutal than the previous ones. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Here’s your synopsis for 63:

Hal is back and joined again by the ever whacky Tom Waters. The show is off the hook! Tune in because even Hal cringed a couple times…whew! There’s the Popeye’s Chicken fiasco that has a whole group of patrons clucking! A new installment of Porntards! A racist teachers gets suspended for using the “N” word! When you hear the lost old man phone prank you’ll piss your pants! Kids get shocked with electric dog collars and shot in the ass with BB guns. Hal’s Happy ending asks the question “Why do we need all these stupid constitutional rights?”

You can listen to the show on my site (www.bigwordsradio.mypodcast.com) or you can listen to the show (along with the other 62 episodes of full tilt comedy) over on Hal’s site (www.powunclehal.com). You can also subscribe to the Pissed Off World Of Uncle Hal on iTunes by searching ‘Uncle Hal’.

Last night at the Think Twice Radio studios, I had the honor of interviewing Harvey Pekar along with my co-host Mike ‘ring a ding’ Mariani. Here’s your synopsis for that one:

Episode 38: ‘Making It Big’

Tom and co-host Mike ‘ring a ding’ Mariani talk to comics legend Harvey Pekar (American Splendor) regarding his life, his career, and the supposed sanity of ‘close personal friend’ Alan Moore.

You can listen to Big Words 38 on the Think Twice radio site (www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html), over at the official Big Words Radio site (www.bigwordsradio.mypodcast.com) or again, you can subscribe to the show on iTunes by searching ‘Big Words Radio’.

A big thanks goes out to producer Richard Wicka, Mike Mariani (for behaving himself), Harvey Pekar and Pamela Mullin at DC Comics for helping to make the show happen. It was a much tamer show than we expected and you’ll actually be surprised at the Bob Costas-style interview that took place.

Enjoy!

Tom Waters

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Big Words Radio Episode 32: A Word In Spanish With Alexis Amore!

February 26, 2009
What a show!
 
    We wrapped in the studio last night after a captivating hour with adult film star and Peruvian import Alexis Amore.  Thanks are in order to Alexis, producer Richard Wicka and co-host Alie for taking the time to be part of one of the best show’s yet!  Big Words Radio just keeps getting bigger and better and you’ve all got a front row seat.  Here’s your synopsis:
 
2/25/09 Big Words I Know By Heart Episode 32: A Word In Spanish With Alexis Amore!
Tom and co-host Alie talk to busty Peruvian hottie Alexis Amore about the industry, simulated orgasms for the listener’s enjoyment, and the amount of research everyone invested into this episode beforehand.
 
    Tune in over at the Think Twice intraweb site and keep clicking back as national recording artist Lenny Revell’s ‘parter of two’ should be popping up some time within the next week.  The moment both of Revell’s shows are online, you’ll all be the first to know. 
    And don’t forget, adult film star Sara Jay is on deck for the next in-studio date on Wednesday, March 25th!  I’ve got some other phenomenal guests planned for future shows, but I don’t want to tip my hand too soon and I’d rather not jinx them.  A lot of work goes into each program and the behind-the-scenes labor involved factoring in phone calls, research, questions, and the general prospectus and theme of each show.  Trust me when I say that the next studio guest after March (if it works out) is a pioneer in his field. 
    Thanks for listening and feel free to click over directly at the link provided!
 
http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html
 
Have a great week!
Tom Waters
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Big Words Radio Hour Episodes 30 & 31 Up Right NOW!

February 20, 2009
Hey folks!
 
Two new episodes of Big Words Radio are up and running on your worldwide superinformation off-ramp right this second!  Here are your ‘synospsi’:
 
 

Big Words Episode 30: ‘Tom’s Atomic Poetry Kegger Cliff-Hanger!’ (pt.II)
 Tom throws his first official Poetry Kegger at Don’s Atomic Comics in Depew.  Distilled spirits are consumed, comics are purchased, and a fight almost breaks out at the end of the clip.  This episode concludes Part I, which can be found by clicking on the Monsters Of Verse pod-cast show (which can also be found on the Think Twice Site).  This is what’s known as ’cross-promotion’.
 
Big Words Episode 31: ‘The Large Verbiage We’ve Shared Through Rote Activity Podcast’
 With a Democrat firmly entrenched in the White House, Thomas Waters and ’Full Head Of Luxurious Hair Michael’ attempt a show reformat that’s kindler, gentler, and a hell of a lot more liberal.  Guest Lindsay Waters upsets the new world order of things by bringing the content rating of the show from PG to NC-17. 
 
    I would STRONGLY recommend that you wait until Part I of the Tom’s Atomic Poetry Kegger show appears over on the Monsters Of Verse show site before diving head first into PT. II on my own site.  Just a suggestion, though, and odds are that you’re going to do whatever you want. 
    Tonight, I’ll be recording an back to back interview and concert shows with highly acclaimed musician Lenny Revell.  As soon as the shows are finished and posted, you’ll be the first group to know.  In the mean time, perk up your ears and click away over at:
 
 
    Have a great weekend and I’ll talk to you all on Monday for your regularly scheduled Monday Update,
 
Tom Waters
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Monday Big Words Update! A Boat Load Of New Shows On The Horizon…

February 16, 2009

This is going to be one of the shortest Monday Updates in recent memory as time is an issue today and not much has occurred…yet.

A new issue of Night Life magazine hit’s the stands today with ‘Barometric Pressure’, a very honest look at the nature and progress of my own bipolar disorder. I’m rarely this open with my readers (aside from the poetry books), so scoop it up if you want to catch a different side of me.

Borders last Friday was a great time with author Diane Meholick and we recorded the event for Monsters Of Verse pod casting purposes. Diane will be joining me again as a rotating guest Monster on Saturday, March 21st from 12-6 p.m. at the Karpeles Manuscript Museum for the 3rd annual Buffalo Small Press Book Fair. She’s a talented author and she was a joy to spend two hours with. You can catch our conversation soon on the Monsters Of Verse site on Think Twice Radio.

On Saturday, Lindsay, myself and ‘Luxurious Full Head Of Hair Michael’ recorded what will in all likelihood be the only episode of the ‘Large Verbiage We’ve Learned Through Rote Activity’ program. The Big Words format was completely reversed and after listening to the show with my buddy Ron, we were in stitches. Those unfamiliar with the previous 29 shows will have no goddamned idea what’s going on and will most likely turn the show off. Those of you who’ve heard some of the other shows will get what we’re doing and most likely piss yourselves laughing. The show isn’t up yet, but it will be very, very soon.

I spent Sunday editing and producing 6 hours worth of Big Words and Monsters shows and I’ll drop an update as soon as they’re all up. In total, there are 2 new Big Words shows and 4 Monsters pod casts going up THIS WEEK. That’s a lot of pod casting, folks.

That’s all I’ve got for you today. Stay tuned for more information this week and don’t forget to tune back in for your regularly scheduled Quixote Wednesday update! Take care and have a great week,

Tom Waters

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Big Words One Man Mobile Unit Episode 27 (at long last): Suckerpunch!

January 2, 2009
Yup,
 
    Much like the Kevin McCarthy two-banger, Suckerpunch was kind enough to record two separate hours (one interview hour, one concert hour) weeks ago from our Lancaster grotto.  And in the same respect, it took me about three weeks to get the episodes up online.  This band was absolutely incredible, and they were unlike any other musical act I’ve had on so far in that they were hardcore with some bite!  If you like rock with some teeth (i.e. Metallica, Marilyn Manson, and Disturbed), then you are absolutely going to LOVE these two shows!  Join Suckerpunch, co-host Alie (Desiderio’s) and myself for two solid hours of boot-stomping, head-banging, Wild Turkey-swilling radio gold!  Here’s the official synopsis:
 
Big Words One Man Mobile Unit Episode 27: A Suckerpunch To The Nuts! (pt.I of II)
   
Tom makes the grave error of a) inviting Buffalo Music Award winning hard rock band Suckerpunch into his home and his heart, b) letting co-host Alie (Desiderio’s) bartend with only Wild Turkey as a hard liquor and c) trying to host a cohesive interview show throughout. Total bedlam ensues as Tom, Alie and the band gear up for a ‘parter of two’ that will rock your f-ing socks off!
    The boys were a bit difficult to herd in for a group session interview wise, but that was part of the fun.  A big thanks goes out to the entire band for lugging about half a million dollars worth of equipment into my home for the full metal experience, Alie for her top notch bartending and co-hosting skills, Phil from Macaroon’s for helping to put me in touch with the boys, and the rest of my apartment building for not calling the cops and hauling us off while Suckerpunch obliterated every eardrum within a five mile radius.  Truly a landmark show.  Listen for yourselves over at:
 
http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html
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Monday Big Words Update! December Suprises…

December 22, 2008

After yesterday’s update, I don’t have a whole hell of a lot to get caught up on. There are no less than three new Big Words Radio shows in the pipeline, but time hasn’t been on my side lately and the file uploading process I have makes it infinitely easier to just drop the shows off at the studio when the weather and the roads permit. As for the roads and the weather, lake effect snow: what’s up with that? Since the wife and I are on lockdown due to Lancaster’s ‘State Of Emergency’ and the Driving Ban, perhaps I’ll try and volley a few shows Rich’s way.

This Wednesday (X-Mas Eve) marks my next in-studio date for recording the show with co-host Josh Smith. As for a guest, we’ve got our pick of the litter and I’m not entirely sure who’s going to be on until Wednesday rolls around because I have two people on deck for the guest chair and they’re both call-ins.

As for both Breathing Rooms, I’m taking a hiatus on promoting the new books in addition to the Monsters Of Verse. The holidays are hectic enough and there’s not much point in promoting anything in Buffalo in terms of in-store promotions this late in the winter. JR Finlayson, myself and our third rotating guest poets will kick back into high gear in February once the elements and the economy are off the ropes, if you know what I mean.

It seems like forever since I got a bar review into the Buffalo News, but, well, I’ve been busy and the News has been busy. You can expect a new Club Watch (or two) within the next week or two.

And a new Night Life presumably hit’s the stands today with the final installment of ‘5 Writers, 3 Musicians, A Director, A Teamster, A Painter, A Boxer and a Game Show Host: A Study In Biographical Pictures’, a critical essay on my 15 favorite biopics.

That’s all I’ve got for you today. Stay the hell at home, don’t panic, don’t find an excuse to leave the house to get milk or eggs or some such nonsense and chillax. The way I see it, this is nature’s way of telling us to get some rest and get caught up on things around the house. Thank god we’ve got whiskey, cigarettes, 800 movies, 2,000 comics and a few dozen video games. Who wants to play video games, though? Talk to you all on Christmas Eve with ‘Quixote Wednesday’,

Tom Waters

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Monsters Of Verse Third Rotating Poet: Seasonal Positions Opening Now!

November 22, 2008

As an organic experiment, the Monsters Of Verse has changed already…..

JR Finlayson and myself will be looking at a third poet to round out the remainder of our shows for the next five months. If you have a chapbook/published book of poems/poems you would like to read out at a venue for podcast inclusion, feel free to email both of us simultaneously at:

bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com

-or-

dullroar25@hotmail.com

Carrie Gardner will be pursuing other projects.

Again, thanks for your interest in Buffalo poetry, the anthology in general, and the Monsters Of Verse! Until the end of the calendar year, though, JR and myself will be focusing on running the gauntlet for M.O.V. We look forward to hearing from you!

Thanks,
Tom Waters

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Friday Synopsis: 3 New Radio Shows, Desiderio’s THIS SUNDAY @ 7p.m.!

November 14, 2008
How goes it?
 
    Staying in line with the nutshell scenario’s for these emails (so as not to overload all of you), I’ll make this is as brief as I can:
 
-With the Buffalo Music Awards coming up next Thursday at Coyote’s, I’ve been locking down and scheduling a volley of great Buffalo Music Legends and previous award winners for Big Words Radio.  On Tuesday, I spent five hours with my ‘close, personal showbiz friend’ Michael Bly recording a ‘parter of two’ live at the Hidden Shamrock.  Thanks to Michael Bly, the whole gang at Hidden Shamrock (on Transit between Walden and Broadway) and former room-mate and co-host Charles ‘Chezzie’ Amabile for rolling with the punches!  Part 1 (Episode XVII) is the interview portion where we discuss Bly’s status as a living musical legend.  Part 2 (you guessed it, Episode XVIII) is a live concert with track’s from Mike’s Grammy Award Winning debut album (plug plug, Cliche’) along with some knockout cover songs and previously unreleased songs from his upcoming album.  Dial it up on your skype by clicking over at:
 
http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html
 
    On Wednesday (after last week’s spectacular Big Words show with Uncle Hal), I popped over to his jewel-encrusted mansion/studio to do a cameo/co-host spot on The Pissed Off World Of Uncle Hal for Episode 61.  I can honestly say that if you combined all of the shows that Hal and I have done, you still wouldn’t approach the level of offensiveness we achieved over the course of the two-hour slam.  Every single human being on the planet who listens to the show is going to want to punch us both in the head, so pop over to Hal’s awesome program at:
 
http://www.powunclehal.blogspot.com
 
    I wouldn’t have a show or the finely tuned sensibilities on my own show (or a show, period) if it weren’t for the Associate’s degree I earned on the seven or eight shows I’ve done with Hal.  A big thanks goes out to Uncle Hal for having me back, getting us both in more trouble, and for his constant advice and support on my own show.  Anyone who’s ever listened to Hal’s show or our shows will attest to that.   If you’re not offended by ANYTHING, hunker down, grab a cold beverage and give it a listen.  Otherwise, avoid it at all costs. 
 
    I’ll be hunkering down for the next three days to finish up two very big assignments with two great Buffalo newspapers that are due by Monday.  The Monsters Of Verse show at Spot Coffee was sweet and Desiderio’s on Broadway this Sunday at 7 p.m. should be even better.  Both shows will be up by Monday night and I’ll throw you an update by then. 
 
    I’m wrapping up there.  Make it out to Desi’s if you can since it’s on my own turf, there are VERY FEW copies of Breathing Room Vol.I and II available for now, and make sure to buy a mountain of drinks, food, tip your servers and above all else (here’s the wind-up, there’s the pitch):
 
BUY OUR GODDAMNED BOOKS!
 
Love,

 
Tom Waters
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Buffalo Anthology Update(s), New Links on the Anthology Site, MOV Episode III up by 9 p.m. Eastern TONIGHT at the latest…

November 8, 2008

Since it’s more of a peripheral project (and has it’s own site), I’d rather not repost the three or four new blogs from the Buffalo Anthology Project here.  This site is all about me.  The Anthology Site is about everyone involved.  Some of you are interested in that book and some of you aren’t, so I will leave it up to you.  I spent far too much time this morning trying to get everyone on that end up to speed as to what was going on (or wrong) in my brain and where we all stood with the project.  I also added a mountain of links that probably should have been there in the first place.  Feel free to check the whole ball of wax out over at:

http://www.buffaloanthology.blogspot.com

And since most of you are overloaded with more information about my writing than you could ever possibly want or need, I’ll just piggyback this on to the blog we’re in right now.  The Talking Leaves reading will be up on the Monsters Of Verse podcast site by 9 p.m. tonight.  Yesterday was a rotten whore of a busy day that started around 5 a.m. and ended somewhere close to midnight.  There is NEVER enough time to do everything.  Lindsay and I will be riding out to Think Twice today and uploading the last reading (which turned out to be a hell of a lot of fun, as per usual with Jeff and Carrie).  For those of you who weren’t the dozen or so attendees who made the event, give it a listen tonight at:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/monsters/monsters.html

I need to get away from my keyboard, my computer and my study.  Like most human beings, I’m poorly designed when it comes to relaxing and enjoying any sort of free time.  I’ll be spending the rest of my day ‘working’ on that.  Research commences in 5, 4, 3, 2,………

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Newsletter Feed: One Bigass Sit. Rep! Two new podcasts, two new articles and a whole bunch of other stuff!

November 7, 2008
Whew!
 
    You’d think that being jobless would resemble some manner of paradise involving sitting on my ass, eating government cheese and doing absolutely nothing, right?  Wrong.  In the last month, I’ve put more time into my career (writing) now that I don’t have gainful employment than ever before.  I can honestly say that I’m going through one of those quantum leaps marketing-wise.  The kind I haven’t enjoyed since way back in 2001.  Most of my days have been spent schmoozing on the phone until the battery dies out on my portable, writing any number of different personal projects and assignments, blogging and working on my sites as well as those of others, and spending what little time is left in the evening taking care of things around the house and spending time with my wife while shoehorning research into other side projects. 
    Yesterday alone, I got up at eight in the morning, got a good running start at life and didn’t stop until around midnight.  Aside from a ten minute nap, I didn’t stop.  When I get a full-time job, it’s going to be a bit of a relief, because I’ll have the sort of structure again where I can allow myself to rest once in a while.  Even after getting a molar pulled last week and suffering from related migraines, I felt guilty taking a portion of two days in the last seven to relax and recuperate.  With as many hours in the day as I have at my disposal, I still feel as if there isn’t enough time to accomplish everything I’ve been setting out to do. 
    Bret Easton Ellis told me during our interview a few years back that he treated writing like a job, ‘clocking in’ at 9 a.m., breaking for lunch and then banging out of work around 5 p.m.  I wish I could stop that early.  While tiring, I realize how crucial the time I’ve been given is.  I’ve decided that I’ll be taking this holiday season away from the horrific nightmare that is retail to actually enjoy spending time with my family (new and old) for the first time in 16 years in addition to working on the multitude of projects that are currently under construction or already in progress.  As you may or may not know, the next two essay collections (Slapstick & Superego as well as Merry Prankster) are complete.  I haven’t penned a shred of new poetry for two weeks, but Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick (the next poetry collection) is well over 140 pages without even including the freaky 50 page project I worked on in July (‘Rock/Pop Goes The Weasel’).  And then there are the freelancing assignments….
    My beloved editor at Gusto (Brian Connelly) is apparently moving me up to the big leagues in terms of freelancing and I couldn’t be more grateful.  In addition to the Club Watch bar reviews, he’ll be phasing me into their ‘Tell Me’ section at the very FRONT of Gusto (page two after the front page), conducting interviews with artists, writers and musicians on the cusp of making their big break inside as well as outside of Buffalo.  In regards to that, I’m going to humbly request that if any of you know of an artist (preferably a musician or band) with an upcoming gig in November or December who doesn’t have a firmly established fan base and deserves a wider audience, please email me at once with biographical as well as contact information.  My musical tastes tend to run about twenty or thirty years behind, so I’m woefully ignorant where current up-and-comers are concerned. 
    ArtVoice has also given me the green light on one of two projects I hatched during the idea-storm I was besieged with on my honeymoon at Silvercreek in early October.  With Thanksgiving fast approaching, I’ll be writing a piece about the hot spots to hit on the day before Thanksgiving, which happens to be the biggest party night of the year, eclipsing even New Year’s Eve and/or St. Patrick’s Day.  Again, if you happen to be ‘in the know’ on a bar, club or pub that blows the doors off business wise before the turkey hits the table, drop me a line.  My deadline window is one week, and I NEVER miss deadline.  It’s one of the qualities that’s reinforced my reputation as a serious writer in Buffalo and I’m certainly not going to call that into question now. 
    Yesterday, I had the pleasure and privelage (sp?) of recording an hour long show plus with my podcasting hero Uncle Hal from the Pissed Off World Of Uncle Hal show.  He was my first choice after being offered my own show at Think Twice and with zero notes, bullet points or questions, we managed to fill 70 minutes worth of the most offensive, irreverent comedy imaginable.  If Hal didn’t have an appointment, I seriously would have gone for two hour-long shows in a row.  I raced Episode XV out as soon as I could and my producer Richard Wicka at Think Twice uploaded it at once.  I strongly encourage you to listen at once over at:
 
http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html
 
    I had some issues finding the new episode with more luck refreshing on Internet Explorer, so if you don’t see Episode XV (and the subsequent ‘Bonus Round’), click Refresh and cross your fingers.  I’m not sure if the site is experiencing technical difficulties, but I’ll be getting to the bottom of it over the weekend.
    In addition to the Big Words One Man Mobile Unit, the Monsters Of Verse are full steam ahead.  I returned to Clarence High School on Tuesday to teach my first workshop on the mechanics of poetry as well as writing in general to Ms. Foster’s Poetry Club while recording the event.  That episode (#3, for those keeping track) can be heard over at:
 
http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/monsters/monsters.html
    
    Once again, I experienced issues finding the newest episode of each show on AOL, so if you have Internet Explorer, you’re better off visiting the site from there. 
    And last night, the Monsters Of Verse launched their second official reading at Talking Leaves on Main St. in Amherst.  JR Finlayson, Carrie Gardner and myself kicked off the evening in alphabetical order with fifteen minute sets of amusing, insightful and philosophical poems that the crowd really seemed to respond well to.  Due to a small snafu regarding our start time (I forgot that we started at 6 p.m. instead of 7), we read for an additional forty minutes for the sake of entertaining those who showed at or shortly after 7 o’clock.  Twenty minutes of the second set were lost from the digital recorder, so if you weren’t there, you won’t get to hear it once the non-stop rock block of genius goes up online.  Depending on where my day (and my weekend) take me, Episode IV of the Monsters Of Verse should be up on the web by Sunday afternoon at the latest.  I’ll shoot you all an email when I’m positive that it’s up. 
    I’ve had a lot of time to think in the last four weeks.  One of the things I was turning around in my head yesterday was just how…overjoyed I am to have two like-minded creative maniacs to tour Buffalo and beyond with for the next six months.  With Jeff Finlayson and Carrie Gardner on deck, I honestly couldn’t ask for two other people I’d rather be out and about reading with.  Aside from sustaining, supporting and inspiring each other, they remain my dear friends and I’m not so much surprised with how well our collective dynamic is growing and improving so much as I’m pleased with the results.  Maybe we’ll hate each other come the beginning of May, but I doubt it.  Their talent, professionalism and their knockout prognostication skills continue to sustain and inform my burgeoning poetry skills.  At the risk of getting gooey, thank you, Jeff and Carrie.  Our events (and this project) are a feather in our cap that I’m very, very proud of.  I realize that putting up with my thousand event-related emails, phone calls and frequent tantrums is far from fun to deal with (just ask my wife), and your respective patience and professionalism is slowly molding me into a better team player.  You two are the best.
    Our next stop on the quest for global spoken word domination hits next Thursday (the 13th) at Spot Coffee on Delaware and Chippewa from 7-9 p.m.  Three days later, we’ll be at my favorite bar, Desiderio’s on Broadway on Sunday the 16th at 7 p.m. with special musical guest Shaky Stage.  Attendance so far has been admirable, but where the hell have you guys been?  Carrie has brought the majority of our audience and I’m embarrassed to say that most of the Big Words army have been missing in action.  PLEASE make the time to show your face for one (if not both) of the next two events.  I’m disappointed in the total lack of support in terms of these promotions where you’re all concerned, and it would be nice to see some if not all of you out during this new experiment in our collective creative careers.  While I realize that our performances are not at the top of your list, you’re missing out.  We’ve had a great big barrel of fun so far and it’s only going to get better as we continue to sharpen our skill set on the road.  Forget everything you know about poetry and give us a try.  I promise that we won’t let you down, and the after-parties thus far have been phenomenal.  I’ll leave it at that.
    And, on a final note, two new articles popped up online this week.  This month’s issue of Acid Logic is rolling out hot at 15 mph with ‘Sawed Off Sam Walton’, a strangely topical essay about spending half of my life in the hell known as retail.  Read all about it over at:
 
http://www.acidlogic.com/retail_sucks.htm
 
    And after a month long unintentional hiatus from comic book reviews, I put my nose back to the grind and started pumping a few new graphic novel critiques and sending them off to my new editor at Comics Bulletin.  You can catch them every Wednesday on www.comicsbulletin.com.  Top Shelf Comics has been kind enough to send me more than my share of advance copies, review copies and entire libraries for research purposes having to do with the radio show, and one of the books they sent me stood head and shoulders above anything I’ve read this year.  Despite what you might think, I actually do read comics that don’t have Batman in the title.  This previous Wednesday, I gave Nate Powell’s Swallow Me Whole the credit it truly deserved.  Check that review out over at:
 
http://www.comicsbulletin.com/reviews/
 
    You may have to scroll down a tad as my show-notes inform me that it is no longer Wednesday and there isn’t a direct link to each review.  Since the Swallow Me Whole review, I’ve been hard at work building up a stockpile of other new reviews so that there aren’t any gaps on that site.  I’m neurotic about taking advantage of each and every site and publication I write for and I hate to be tardy to the party with any of them unless it’s absolutely unavoidable.  Writing comic reviews is a labor of love and it doesn’t even feel like work to fire off 5 or 600 words about every book I shovel into my brain.  Excelsior!
    That should be all the news that’s fit to print for the time being.  Thanks are in order to: JR Finlayson, Carrie Gardner, Richard Wicka, Greg Sterlace (farewell and good luck, new friend!), Jonathan at Talking Leaves, Josh Smith, Uncle Hal, Wil Forbis, Thom Young and last but not least, my wife.  Lindsay has had to endure hell and back and back around again in the last four months.  This wrongful termination from Gamestop was another curveball that we didn’t deserve or anticipate.  She’s a real trooper, and without her love, support and reliability, I’d be well past the point of sanity by now.  I love you, chipmunk! 
    Oof.  One final word.  Now that Hal has popped onto my show, I’ll be doing a walk-on over on his.  We’ll be recording Episode 61 (or is it 62?) next week and you know I’ll give you the head’s up once it’s online.  The two of us are the politically correct equivalent of a keg full of dynamite strapped to a minivan doused in nitroglycerin whenever we get near a microphone.  The Big Words episode was brutal, but now that we’re back in the groove, our show on his site will be worse.  You have been officially warned.  Have a great weekend,

 
Tom Waters
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Monday Big Words Update! Week 101 on stands/CHS Workshop Tomorrow/Talking Leaves THIS Thursday!

November 4, 2008

So…..

The Monsters Of Verse are full steam ahead and this crazy rig isn’t going to let up until at least the beginning of May.  Once the calendar year closes, we’ll be investing a great deal of time and energy into booking additional events, new venues and bigger appearances from February through May.  For now, though, we’ve got plenty to keep our hands full with the events we’ve got and new engagements keep popping up without us even trying!

Moving on, Night Life magazine assaults the Buffalo/Toronto market today with a Big Words edition of ‘Unenjoyment’, a stoical look at how my life would play out after Gamestop wrongfully terminated me so that they could promote a total incompetent racist drug addict into one of their new stores in the Buffalo market.  Scoop up a copy while it’s hot!  If you were on the free newsletter list (which you can subscribe to by emailing bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com with ‘subscribe’ in the subject heading), you got to see it first over three weeks ago.  If not, now’s your chance to read it in Night Life.  With 70,000 copies rolling off the presses every single week all over the Greater Buffalo/Niagara area, there are plenty of bars, restaurants and pizzerias where you can read all about it!

Tomorrow, I’ll be making a return trip to the hallowed halls of Clarence Central High School to teach my first writing workshop to the kids in the Poetry Club, the staff at Chrysalis, the on-site literary magazine (which has grown by leaps and bounds since I graduated in ’93), and a few other stragglers who got the exclusive invite from Ms. Foster and Kevin Starr.  You can hear the entire event some time later this week when it pops up on Think Twice Radio’s Monsters Of Verse site. 

This Thursday, the Monsters Of Verse kick off their second scheduled appearance/reading/signing at Talking Leaves on Main St. (near Bailey) at 6 p.m.   Jonathan (the owner proprietor of both locations) has been extremely supportive and helpful with all of my books for the last seven years, so bringing the crew out for another hoorah was a no brainer.  You can check out his listing/brief synopsis of the book over on Talking Leaves’ official site at:

http://www.tleavesbooks.com/watersplus.htm

Jr Finlayson, Carrie Gardner and myself will be reading selections from our newest poetry collections in fifteen minute blocks (so we have time to schmooze/hawk some books before the store closes at 8 pm sharp).  I don’t like to hold up employees at the locations where we have events scheduled near close, so please show up on time, bring plenty of friends (and cold hard cash!) and feel free to join us out afterwards!

I also pounded out two new graphic novel reviews for my editor Thom Young over at www.comicsbulletin.com.  One of the two should be going up this Wednesday, when they premiere their graphic novel reviews on the site.  I’ve been pretty negligent with them lately and I get neurotic when I’m not taking full advantage of every media stream I’m plugged into, so I’ll be focusing my creative efforts (with what diminishing free time I have) on getting a few more reviews backlogged for Mr. Young.

I’m not sure if there will be a new Big Words One Man Mobile Unit episodes this week, but we’ll see what happens.  This week is pretty hectic and I’m still reeling from my molar extraction.  I feel guilty for loafing even for a day or two, but some bed/couch rest wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world.  We’ll see what happens.  If Uncle Hal stiffs again (which is becoming an increasingly more common occurance lately), maybe I’ll set something up on Wednesday with somebody else. 

And DON’T FORGET TO VOTE MCCAIN/PALIN ON ELECTION DAY, Tuesday, November 4th!  The Republican party needs all the support we can muster, so make the time, hit the polls and make your voice heard!  Our nations economy and global stance for the next four years depend upon it.  Don’t let the Spendocrats win this one, even if our last contender turned into a bumbling moron.  Who knows, maybe W. can find gainful seasonal employment with the soulless jackasses currently running Gamestop into the ground?  He’s got half a brain, and that appears to be qualification enough lately….

Have a great week and see you out, about and in print in Buffalo!

Vote Republican!,

Tom Waters

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Monsters Of Verse Episode II: ‘Renegade’ Waters hits Clarence High School; High School Hits Back!

October 30, 2008
Yep,
 
As you all know, I went to Clarence Central High School Tuesday at the ass crack of dawn (7:30 A.M.) to read for Ms. Foster’s Poetry Club as well as their literary magazine (Chrysalis) and a few students from their AV English Class.  I even got a little veklempt during some of the selections that were chosen for the student’s enjoyment.  Since the reading fall’s under some of the mission statements and ideals that the Monsters Of Verse aspire to, it went under the Monsters Of Verse banner on Think Twice.  Click on, tune in and drop out to the 37 minute interaction with the leaders of tomorrow at:
 
http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/monsters/monsters.html
 
    A big thanks goes out to Anne Foster, Kevin Starr, and the kids who listened attentively and asked intelligent questions.  Doing something like that really makes my week because there’s no better way to get to the kids than when they’re in a class room setting.  I’ll be heading back next Tuesday to teach my first poetry workshop with the students, so wish me luck! 
    Next on deck I’m heading over to Think Twice Studios to bid Greg Sterlace a fond farewell before he and his wife Paula set sail for Arizona.  ‘Mr. Ski Mask’ will be taking over the highly contested Friday slot, and there’s been talk about having me on as a rotating co-host.  That might be fun.
    That’s all I’ve got for today.  I just got a molar pulled without sedation and the drugs are starting to kick in, so it’s in everyone’s best interests if I wrap up here.  Have a great rest of the week!

 
Tom Waters
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Big Words Radio Hour Episode XIV: ‘Keeping It Warm’; Jeff Brown w/co-host SoCo Mike

October 30, 2008
Are we really all the way up to Episode 14 already?
 
    Man, radio time flies, doesn’t it?  I had the distinct pleasure of speaking with Ignatz-Award winning comic writer/artist Jeff Brown from Top Shelf Comics and, more recently, Simon & Schuster.  We talk about losing our virginity, keeping co-host Soco Mike’s bodily parts warm for him while he’s away on business in Binghamtom, and of course, there are more than a few I.B.M. jokes.  It just wouldn’t be a Big Words Radio show without them.  Sound effects were run into the ground, Frank Miller was lambasted and roasted on a spit for the opening shot, and Red Bull, our official sponsor, was plugged mercilessly (just like SoCo Mike’s wife!). 
    A big thanks goes out to Jeff Brown, Leigh Walton at Top Shelf Comics, Richard Wicka (as always) for enduring bicycle horn induced headaches, and of course, to SoCo Mike for ‘bringing the heat.  Listen in and perk up your ears over at:
 
http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html
 
    If the new episode doesn’t show right away, click refresh on your web browser.  And if the show stops twenty minutes in, pause and then restart on your mp3 nav bar.  I’m getting a molar pulled tomorrow, so tonight’s show is about the most talking I’ll be doing for the next 24 hours, which is a good thing for my wife.  Enjoy!

 
Tom Waters
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Clarence High School Aftermath/Jeff Brown on deck for Big Words Radio

October 29, 2008

Yesterday morning, I had forty minutes with a group of students from Clarence High School’s poetry club, as well as a representative from their literary magazine, Chrysalis.  I spent the majority of my time reading pre-screened poems from Breathing Room Vol. I and II. and fielded questions from the kids while discussing the mechanics of style, form and creativity.  After being inspired in the eighth grade to journal thanks to a guest speaker in my Science class, I feel compelled to give back and hit area schools in an attempt to do the same.  It went very well.  I’ll be returning next Tuesday to teach a workshop on poetry to the same cross section of Clarence youths.  A big thanks is due to Anne Foster as well as Kevin Starr for making the in-school appearance possible.  Yesterday’s session was recorded and should be up online by about eleven pm tonight under the Monsters Of Verse banner at Think Twice radio at the following link:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/monsters/monsters.html

And after a month out of the studio doing Big Words One Man Mobile Units, I’ll be returning to record Episode XIV with guest artist Jeff Brown (Every Girl Is The End Of The World For Me, AEIOU, Clumsy, Unlikely) from Top Shelf Comics along with co-host SoCo Mike. 

I’m hoping that Jeff Brown is more of a good sport about things than Alex Robinson (Episode III) was after the show.  Odds are in my favor as Brown (Incredible Change-Bots) not only seems to have a finely tuned sense of humor but also happens to be the exact same age as yours truly.  Brown is one of the few writer/artists that Lindsay took a shine to, which is saying quite a bit. 

Top Shelf has been outlandishly good to me in the previous four or five months, sending review copies, advance copies and publicity materials for a lot of their best and brightest creators.  While I haven’t had a hell of a lot of time to write any reviews, I’m planning on dropping some new critiques into Comics Bulletin’s lap in the coming weeks.  The title at the top of my list right now is Swallow Me Whole from writer/artist Nate Powell.  I was so bowled over by the book (along with the staff at Don’s Atomic Comics) that I feel obligated to shower it with praise and get some work back in to Comics Bulletin at the same time.

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Monday Big Words Update! Monsters Of Verse Podcast Site LIVE/Clarence Central High School Immenent…

October 27, 2008

Whelp, it was a productive weekend.

Aside from the Greg Sterlace Show appearance in full Joker makeup (which will be airing on Time Warner Cable on Weds. and Fri., check www.sterlace.com for more details), celebrating my 33rd birthday and performing as part of the prosiacal trifecta known as the Monsters Of Verse, Think Twice Radio got a new logo, a new show, and a new sheriff (or sheriffs) in town.  You can now find the inaugural Monsters Of Verse launch show (along with each successive show as they take place) up on it’s very own site over at:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/monsters/monsters.html

As for the Calendar Of Events, JR Finlayson and Carrie Gardner have the week off from any scheduled appearances.  Lucky bastards.  No, just kidding.  Our next gig together will be on Thursday, November 6th at 7 pm at the illustrious Talking Leaves books.  All three of us will be reading, signing and hawking our wares, so stop on out and tell ’em Tom sentcha! 

As for yours truly, I’ve got Clarence Central High School on deck.  I’ll be going in at the crack of dawn tomorrow to talk straight with the kids about this ‘genre of poetry’ for their Poetry Club, AV English students, and any of the editors and contributors of their literary magazine (Chrysalis) who might have a passing interest in my nonsense.  On Wednesday, the real fun rolls around, as I’ll be getting a molar yanked out of my skull in the morning and then doing a radio show in-studio at Think Twice with Top Shelf comic book artist/writer all-around genius Jeff Brown.  If all goes well, my co-host will be SoCo Mike (not to be confused with Intentionally Bald Mike, although the two are friends).  On Friday, I’ve got the final Greg Sterlace show in Buffalo to attend and then I’m pretty sure I’m done for the week.  Aside from schmoozing, handing out free review copies and making five million phone calls.  Oh, and there’s the writing, too.  Whew!

A new Big Words I Know By Heart column drops today in Night Life magazine and my AOL is doing its thing because I can’t pull up the October columns that I sent out.  If memory serves, I’m dropping three or four poems from Breathing Room Vol. II: rhymes & relics like they’re hot. 

That should be everything for today, webslingers.  If I forgot something, I’m sure I’ll keep you posted throughout the week.  In the mean time, don’t get fired from your day job!  Cheers,

Tom Waters

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Big Words Radio One Man Mobile Unit Episode XIII: The Intentionally Bald Mike Show!

October 22, 2008
Yo yo yogurt!
 
    Last week, while I was enjoying my voluntary exile on ‘this half-Lake of Rushford’, Intentionally Bald Mike took the prestigious honor of hosting the Intentionally Bald Mike Show on Big Words Radio.  In this ‘reversal of roles’, Mike used his vocal ‘shotty’ to blast both barrels of comedy directly at yours truly.  Dark Knight lines were employed, Guinneii were pounded down in rapid succession, Red Bull was funnelled through our mouths after three hour mini-comas, and local yokels were goofed on within the vicinity. 
 
-Cost of a novelty whoopee cushion, railroad whistle, plastic hand-clapper and portable half-tambourine: $9
-Cost of a twelve pack (bottles) of Guinnei: $12.95
-Cost of gas driving to and from this ‘Hotel of Belfast’: $8
-Cost of restorative and miraculous powers of Red Bull: $4
-Bar tab for one evening with Tom & IBM: $40
-Cost of dry wood for cabin stove in the middle of nowhere: $5
 
-Cost of implicating, insinuating, and infuriating Tom’s former company of employment:
 
Priceless. 
 
Tune in to all the madness and government cheese references by clicking on over at:
 
http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html
 
Big thanks go out to Intentionally Bald Mike (best host EVER), Richard Wicka’s phenomenal audio work, the Belfast Hotel, and last but not least, Gamestop for providing such great cannon fodder.  Soak it up, kids!
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Final Calendar Of Events For Fiscal Year 2008/Some Promotional Spots for ’09

October 15, 2008

Monsters Of Verse/Breathing Room Bookings Fall/Winter/Spring 08/09:

Friday, October 24th, 7 p.m., Think Twice Studios, Greg Sterlace t.v. show (Tom only)

Saturday, October 25th, 7 p.m., The Center For Inquiry, Amherst (Monsters Of Verse)

Tuesday, October 28th 8 p.m., Clarence High School, Poetry Club, Lit Mag reading, Q/A (Tom Waters only)

Wednesday, October 29th, 7 p.m., Think Twice Radio Studios, Big Words Interview with award winning comic writer/artist Jeff Brown (Top Shelf) and special co-host Michael Hagler (Tom only)

Friday, October 31st, 7 p.m., Think Twice Studios, Greg Sterlace t.v. show (Tom only)

Tuesday, November 4th, 8 a.m., Clarence High School, Poetry Club, Lit Mag workshop (Tom Waters only)

Thursday, November 6th or 20th Main St., Talking Leaves Books, Main St. (Monsters Of Verse)

Sunday, November 16th, 7pm, Desiderio’s on Broadway, (Monsters Of Verse)

Tuesday, November 18th, 7:55 a.m.-1:35 p.m., East Aurora High School English Honors presentation(s) (Tom only)

Saturday, November 22nd, FYE Transit (Amherst), 1-4pm, (Monsters Of Verse)

Thursday, November 13th, 7-9pm, Spot Coffee, Delaware & Chippewa (Monsters Of Verse)

Saturday, December 6th, 1-4pm, FYE Hamburg (Monsters Of Verse)

Saturday, December 13th, 3 p.m. -3 a.m. Tom & Lindsay’s pad, Batman marathon party, invite only.

Sunday, December 14th, Buffalo Indie Market appearance (Monsters Of Verse)

Saturday, February 7th, 1-4 p.m., FYE, Transit, Signing (Monsters Of Verse)

Saturday, February 7th, 6 p.m.-?, Don’s Atomic Comics!, Tom’s Atomic Poetry Kegger w/Monsters of Verse! Free beer for anyone with a book by Tom Waters, additional store discounts for everyone who brings a girl.

Wednesday, May 6th, 7 pm, Center For Inquiry (Monsters Of Verse)

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Monday Big Words Update! Week 95 on stands, Home Stretch!

September 23, 2008

     By this time next week, I won’t be a me anymore.  Legally, I’ll be a we.  In five days (and after almost four years), Lindsay and I are getting married this Saturday.  I want to thank everyone in advance for their generosity, their time and their friendship (whether blood related or otherwise).  The outpouring of help leading up to this wedding has been unexpected and is one of the few things that’s kept both of us from losing it altogther.  ‘Nuff said on that. 

     Now on to more good news: The first 20 copies of Breathing Room Volume I have sold out in a record six days.  I’ve got more on re-order and I’m hoping I’ll have them by Wednesday so that I can give away a comp copy to the boys from UB Generations, who will be interviewing me this Wednesday at a remote location in Amherst that I’ll be podcasting from.  What amazes me so far is that EVERY single person has read almost the entire book in one sitting and tells me that it’s the best book I’ve ever written.  It would be Ironic with a capital I if a book written as an homage to a dying art form actually made me financially independant as a writer once and forever.  All the capital from this point out is going right back into Volume I and Volume II and then after that it’s getting rolled into Slapstick & Superego, my final Print On Demand book with Authorhouse, which will be coming out in May. 

     Since Lindsay and I will be honeymooning in glorious Myrtle Beach next week, this will be my last Monday update for two weeks.  I’m going to try and take a digital recorder down with me for one podcast, but we’ll see what happens.  When I get back, I’ve got work, Monsters Of Verse related promotions and merchandising, radio interviews, public appearances and speaking engagements and oh, yeah, there’s my 33rd birthday to deal with at the end of October.   It’s going to be very busy for the better part of this year as well as fiscal year 2009.  This is a good thing.  As long as I’m busy, I don’t have an opportunity to allow myself to get depressed. 

     So far, ArtVoice, Buffalo Spree and both UB papers are on board for book reviews, interviews or profiles on Breathing Room by November.  I’ve been working really hard on getting the Buffalo News to commit, but I wouldn’t put that in the bank just yet.  After giving them a free copy of every book I’ve ever written and paying the postage (going all the way back to Soup To Nuts), I’ve gotten a one sentence review on ONE book.  Great.  After two years of giving them my soul, I really, really hope that they’ll take care of me on these two books.  We’ll see.

     And I have no idea which essay is running in Night Life this week.  With the computer issue earlier on, my ‘Sent’ mail is still spotty, so it’ll be a surprise to all of us as to which Big Words column runs.  I’ve got to send out all my columns for next month today, so I’m leaving you with that.   If you haven’t done so already, get off your ass and order Breathing Room Volume I: Free Verse.  You’ll be pleasantly surprised.  I can track individual orders too, so don’t think I can’t tell how many copies are going out the door.  Order a print copy or (I make more money on these and they’re cheaper) download a pdf copy to your computer instantaneously at:

http://www.lulu.com/content/2962892

     Not to play the guilt card, but as a newly married couple, we’ve got a house and children to start saving for.  Buy the book, read the book and enjoy it.  Do it.  NOW! 

     Seeya in two weeks, Monday Updaters!

Tom Waters

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Big Words Radio Episode XI: ‘Get Your Stinkin’ Hands Off Of Me, You Damned Dirty Apes!’

September 18, 2008
Heyo!
 
    Co-host and staunch Republican Gun Nut Brendan and myself (the only co-host I’m too afraid to be insulting to) filled an hour after adult film star Brandy Dean stiffed after two months notice jabbering about the NRA, Tarantino, the upcoming Election, gun rights and the reanimation/cloning of Ronald Reagan.  Much Guinnei was consumed.  I honestly didn’t think that the Auntie Linda episode (episode 4) could be topped, but as Patrick Swayze says, ‘we had the time of our lives’.  Tune in, click over, or dial it up on the intraweb over at:
 
http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html
 
    You NEED to listen to this episode.  A huge thanks goes out to Brendan for doing such a tremendous turn as a co-host and a right-wing genius.  Thanks to Richard Wicka for putting up with the both of us.  And a big thanks goes out to Greg Sterlace (who’s leaving for Arizona with his wife shortly) for inviting us both on his television show in early October.  More news on that as it develops.  Above all else, listen in.  Enjoy!
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Monday Big Words Update! Week 94 on Stands, Big Words Radio Episode 10(!) up now!

September 16, 2008

     The rant you know and love is coming out swinging this week in Night Life’s Big Words I Know By Heart column with ‘When In Sloan’, the now-epic, no-holds barred slam on ‘Sloanheads’ that seems to be everyone’s favorite Opening Shot from Big Words Radio Episode II.  Scoop it up on stands all week!

     And in case you didn’t catch the news flash yesterday, Breathing Room Volume I: Free Verse is available RIGHT NOW!  At $15 with a money back guarantee, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be racking up your credit and debit cards and starting your pre-ordering engines direct from my distributor at:

http://www.lulu.com/content/2962892

     Until I start seeing some orders placed, I’m just going to keep harping on it all over the web and in person, so get on there, grab a copy and enjoy the verbiage!  My initial 20 copy order is down to 15 in the span of two days, so you’re better off in the short run ordering from Lulu.  Volume II should and will be done by the first or second week of October.  Best case scenario, first week.

     I also spent four hours today lining up bookings for Breathing Room, myself and the other two Monsters Of Verse for the remainder of this calendar year at FYE, Talking Leaves, The Center For Inquiry and quite a few others.  The feelers are out and quite a few weekly, daily and campus newspapers will be conducting print interviews as well as book reviews for yours truly.  Since it’s a poetry book, I need total saturation if I’m going to give these two books a fighting chance, so expect to see and hear ‘this guy’ all around town and beyond starting October 25th. 

     And finally, we’ve reached Episode 10 (technically 11) of the Big Words Radio One Man Mobile Unit!  I recorded in sunny and fierce Las Vegas, Nevada last week and co-host Curt Kusckowski and myself blasted off on mob mentality convention crowds, implants, douche chips and a whole lot more.  The opening shot was ‘Bizarro Acrophobia’, a rant from Slapstick & Superego about the benefits of being a tall man versus going through life suffering from short guy syndrome.  Click away and dial it up on your Ipod over at:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

     The-that’s-the-that’s-the-that’s all, folks.  I’ll be dropping the confirmed appearance/reading/signing dates for October, November and December up first over at my YourHub events site, then Evite, then Myspace and beyond later in the week.  Stay tuned.  Same bat time, same bat channel.  And remember, I firmly believe that whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you…stranger.  Sincerely,

Tom Waters

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Back In The Saddle/Welcome Back To Buffalo!

September 12, 2008

I got back into town yesterday afternoon around 4 o’clock via Southwest airlines after five insane days in cripplingly humid Las Vegas at the luxurious Mandalay Bay Casino and Resort Hotel.  Myself and Curt (my roomate and subsequent co-host) managed to get one episode down for the radio show which is going to transmogrify into the historically epic Big Words One Man Mobile Unit episode 10 some time within the next few days.  I should have pictures up on Myspace by tomorrow night at the latest.  I was a very busy photog while I was out there.  Home again, home again, jiggety jig. 

     It’s good to be back.  I’m in the home stretch on the wedding and autumn is kicking in, which is traditionally a fantastic time of year for me, weather and otherwise.  In three weeks, we’ll be soaking up the sun at Myrtle Beach in South Carolina in the heart of the resort community for the honeymoon and hobnobbing on the Grand Strand during a competing Biker Week at the House of Blues among other things.  Hopefully I can get another podcast down during that, too.

     In classic Murphy’s Law fashion, ‘Our People’ (the rant about my new inlaws) ran in the Buffalo News My View section on Tuesday while I was out of town.  If anyone still has Tuesday’s copy of the Buffalo News, I would truly appreciate a copy of the print run. 

     Hennessey’s Bar and Grill on Broadway review ran this morning in the new issue of Gusto in the Buffalo News this morning.  Scoop it up if you’d like. 

     And finally, the first 20 copies of Breathing Room vol. I: Free Verse are en route via UPS as we speak.  The layout couldn’t look any more perfect.  Nick Peterson did a phenomenal job on the internal mechanisms for the book and I’m really excited about gearing up for the upcoming promotional junket!  If you’re interested in obtaining a signed copy of the book, contact me poste haste as there is a week delay in ordering/receiving more copies. 

     That’s all the news that’s fit to print for one day.  I’ll holler back on Monday for the routine update with any more developments.  Thank god I’m back in Buffalo.  Vegas is too crazy for me and there are too many opportunities for trouble out there, so it’s comforting to be back home.  Talk to you soon,

Tom Waters

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Sunday Newsletter Update: Radio Episodes 8.5 & 9 Up!

August 31, 2008

 

Yep,
    I wanted to write sooner.  I wanted to get the last episode up sooner, but it wasn’t meant to be.  Rich (my producer) had to go in for some medical tests and everything came up rosy.  If there’s one thing the two of us have in common, it’s our love for a holistic lifestyle.  Right.
    Life has just been insanely busy lately.  I’ve been wanting to write more comic reviews, but I haven’t had time.  A week and a half ago, I had a Gusto assignment at Hennessey’s Pub out in Alden.  Last Saturday was my bachelor party, which I decided to make a podcast out of.  That turned into episode 8.5 (since I spent more time partying than recording, it was only a half an hour).  On Sunday (amidst a shit storm of aggravation), I wrote three poems.  Then I got lost somewhere on the 279 and ended up sleeping in my car.  This is why I hate large highways. 
    On Monday (after explaining to my wife, her parents and a few other people that the ‘reports of my death were greatly exaggerated’), I met up with ArtVoice Managing Editor Geoff Kelly at Mulligan’s Brick Bar downtown to record on location.  We had a knockout show and for some reason on a Monday afternoon at a bar on Allen there were six people who were unfamiliar with the term ‘inside voices’.  The podcast turned out great regardless. 
    Tuesday was my night at Desi’s.  On Wednesday, I returned to Buff State to chime in and sit in to enjoy Lisa Forrest’s Rooftop Poetry Club get together.  It was therapy that was well needed.  Weds. night I had a quiet night in with the wife.  That was well needed too.
    Thursday I was at work all day for the most part.  Friday was more work and another quiet night in with the wife. 
    Yesterday I had an assignment for ArtVoice that I had to be vague about.  I’ll just say that if you’re a true Elton John fan, you might be familiar with a certain reverse psuedonym that’s going to be popping up soon in their pages. 
    Check out the podcasts, though.  You can find both over at:
 
http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html
 
Episode 8.5 Tag Line
 
Tom commemorates his bachelor party with the drunkest podcast yet, strange boobs in the face, Mighty Taco, and projectile vomiting.
 
Episode 9 Tag Line:    
    
Tom sits down and pounds out the magic with Buffalo Wonder Boy and ArtVoice’s Managing Editor in Chief Geoff Kelly. Mayhem ensues, stout is purchased on Jamie Moses’ corporate credit card.card.
 
    The two Breathing Room poetry books STILL aren’t done.  I am now a month over my personal deadline for them and the first volume had better be finished come next week or somebody is going to be in hot water.  My layout person is still working on them and I don’t understand how the pdf can be so difficult when I knocked out Clean Up After Me, I’m Irish in a weekend.  I guess we’ll see what next week brings.  Volume I should be ready for order by the second week of September.  I’ll be in Las Vegas that week for work. 
    I think that’s just about everything.  I’m about three weeks away from my wedding and the majority of my immediate families (and friends, for that matter) hate my guts or think I’ve lost my mind altogether or both.  These things will happen.  In September, the Buffalo News will be running an essay I wrote about my new in-laws in their ‘My View’ section.  That makes my second accepted submission for the year and they allow three per person, so I’ll have to whip something else up as soon as ‘Our People’ runs.   
     Things are really starting to come together career-wise.  Word of mouth on something or other (or perhaps ALL of it) is hitting the ground running and I’d like to think that the money should be around the corner.  Geoff Kelly and I were talking about career goals, aspirations and objectives on Monday and I told him my conclusion was that ultimately, I wanted to keep busy.  Writing is a compulsive therapy for me now.  It’s something I’m going to do no matter what.  I’m knocking on wood here, because every time I say something like that, I block up for eight to twelve months.  There’s still too much to be done.  And I don’t give a shit about recognition anymore, inclusion, or critical fanfare.  I want to make money.  I want to provide for my new three unit family.  I want to be able to leave my job in two to five years so that I can do this full time.  I’m ready.  The steps are in place.  All I have to do now is keep at it.
    I’ll drop you a line again when I have a chance.  Take care of yourselves, Big Words readers.  Seeya on the flip side.
 
    Tom Waters
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Monday Update On Weds./Week 92 on stands/Fall Of Rome…

August 27, 2008

Now most of you know what a neurotic obsessive I am with my web site(s).  So the fact that my computer was demolished thanks to some ambitious hacker with a Trojan Worm this previous Friday caused me a great deal of grief.  For the second time this year, I had to have my computer restored to its default settings so that I could get back on track.  I’m very fortunate in that my future brother in law is a computer wunderkind, so he had it back up and running in a day and a half….

     The other good news is that Rich (my producer at Think Twice Radio) scored me a 15 Gig Ipod for 42 dollars.  So now I get to learn how to upload my 600 CDs (mostly Elton and Dylan) onto this thing.  It’s third generation, but what are you gonna do?

     Over the weekend, I recorded 12 and a half minutes of my bachelor party, read my opening intro and recorded a five minute ‘Question’ segment.  Somehow this worked out to be about a half an hour Big Words Radio Show (episode 8.5).  Check that out over at:

www.thinktwiceradio.com

     I’d give you a direct link to my feed on Think Twice, but the net still isn’t cooperating fully.  I’ll re-edit later on…

     I also recorded episode 9 on Monday at Mulligan’s Brick Bar with Geoff Kelly (managing editor at ArtVoice).  It was a great show, but my producer has been tied up with work obligations, so to the best of my knowledge, it’s not up yet.  It should be by week’s end, so I’ll get back to you as soon as it is.

     This weekend was hell and back and back around again.  I’m still coping with the emotional and psychic fallout.  I really wish that anyone who’s ‘concerned’ about my ‘erratic behavior’ and feels that i should ‘slow down’ could walk a mile in my shoes this summer.  A less durable person would have taken their own life by now or a whole bunch of other people’s and then their own by about mid July.  Four of my friends have had complete meltdowns, the world is crashing down around my ears and I’ve written two entire books, launched a radio show and freelanced my ass off on top of a forty hour plus weekly job.  So yeah, I’m going to be a little erratic.  Deal with it. 

     Five years from now, I’ll look back and see the upswing.  I’ll look on this time as the sheer amount of career leapfrogging I’ve been doing as a writer.  So I would do it again a million times.  When I can quit my day job and do the radio thing or the writing thing full time, things will be a lot easier.  I’m not the praying kind, but if you are, say one for me.  I’ve put my time in.  I’ve been writing since I was 13 and I’ve been on the radio for seven years in one form or another, so it would be really nice to make $40,000 to start to do what I love.  I’ll get there, but it would be nice to get there faster.  It infuriates me to think that there are so many talentless clowns who fell ass backwards into union jobs that I’ve worked my ass off to get to.  It’ll happen, but it really needs to happen sooner rather than later before I snap completely or lose everyone and everything I care about. 

     But I digress.  Week 92 of Night Life is on stands with a Big Words ‘uncut’ column of ‘Love Letter To Lancaster’.  I wanted to run it in August, but I didn’t get around to it.  Later today, I’ll be dropping in on Lisa Forrest’s Rooftop Poetry Club at Buffalo State, my old haunting ground.  Rooftop and the Center For Inquiry remain my two favorite poetry reading venues.  I’m going to try and record the reading for Think Twice, but we’ll see what happens. 

     ArtVoice has also decided to run my graphic novel reviews.  And they’ve given me the green light to do three Pro-Buffalo PD interviews.  At least one writer in this goddamned town should be an ultra conservative, so if it’s gotta be me, so be it.  It’s early in the morning, so I’ll leave you with that.  Four days without the web or a computer has left me behind the eight ball, so I’ve got other things to do. 

     Listen to the radio show.  Grab a copy of Night Life.  We can branch out from there.  Peace out,

Tom Waters

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Monday Big Words Update! Week 91 on stands/Heaven’s To Megahertz! Episodes 7 & 8 Up Online Now!

August 19, 2008

A busy, bustling seven days.  Four podcast episodes for Think Twice in seven days.  A score of poems, a few rants, some networking, some marketing, some booking work on the Monsters Of Verse gigs…I don’t know where to begin!  Whelp, how about the beginning?

These Monday updates are supposed to be about the Night Life Big Words I Know By Heart column, so let’s get back to that.  Week 91 assaults the newstands today with the third and final installment (conclusion) to ‘Alia Iacta Est’, the serialized print version of the Buffalo Rising jihad.  I’m still not done with them by a long shot, but I thought that print readers might want to be in the loop and it’s a good venue for talking even more trash.  Night Life’s got my back through and through, which is why I’m so loyal to them.  

     Saturday night, Carrie and Ron Gardner came over to our posh Lancaster bungalow to record podcast episodes 7 and 8 of the Big Words Radio One Man Mobile Unit!  The reason why I waited so long to post the Monday update today was due in large part to the fact that I was waiting for Rich to post episodes 7 and 8.  I appreciate his efforts and due to a seperate studio booking yesterday, we were unable to ‘put the tracks down’ in their entirety yesterday, so there was a two day delay in posting them up online.

     Episode 7 is an informal interview with Carrie and her ‘man candy’ Ron Gardner regarding her career, Ron’s music, composing, poetry and a lot of other uncomfortable topics.

    Episode 8 is an informal ‘concert’ we held in my dust-caked hell hole of a basement with a PA system and the third member of the Monsters Of Verse, JR Finlayson.  We were all very pleased with the results.

     Dial both of the new episodes up on your Ipods at the intraweb address provided:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

     I’ll leave it at that.  Monday is supposed to be ‘date night’ with the wife and I’m cutting into it, so I’ll scoop you all with more of ‘the knowledge’ later in the week.  That’s all, folks!

Tom Waters

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Big Words Radio Episode 6: ‘The Monsters Of Verse’ Saddle Up!

August 14, 2008

     Believe it or not, once I got my hands on Think Twice’s Marantz portable digital recorder, I had to do another episode!  Jeff Finlayson, Carrie Gardner and myself have been discussing the concept of doing a few rehearsals so that we can work on our timing, our intonation, our delivery and our familiarity with our poems leading up to the paying gigs booked from October through May for our ‘Monsters Of Verse’ Algonquian thinktank promoting poetry, our books and the general belief that no one person should be more important than anyone else. 

     We’re really psyched about this ‘tour’, as it were, with a Screening Room gig in December, a Center For Inquiry Gig in May and a bunch of other spots I’d have to check my calendar to go over.   You’ll know more about it as the dates approach.  So last week, I approached a friend of mine about doing a series of secret shows at their restaurant on Tuesday nights when it was quiet.  Since he cancelled the notion after this first podcasted concert, I guess I can give up the ghost: it was Desiderio’s.  This saddens me, but if you listen to the show, you’ll find that it was a bit…intimate for a mass audience that wasn’t primed for the experience.  Carrie came down with a sore throat yesterday and couldn’t make it, so JR Finlayson and myself took to the stage along with Lindsay (who has volunteered as a backup reader in the event that depression takes me during the slated bookings). 

     I’m really proud of the show.  After the previous two, it’s inarguable that I was capable of pushing the envelope any further (comedically), so I decided to go in a different direction.  Think of this as a ‘very special’ episode of Big Words.  I’ve still got a few more plans in the works, but get yourself up to date over at:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

     I just might have one more episode up my sleeve at week’s end but we’ll see where the week takes us.  I’m also very proud to announce that my entire SLATE of graphic novel reviews (the handful that Elena Buscarino at Buffalo Rising was too half-witted to publish on faith) have been gladly accepted over at Comicsbulletin.com.  You can read the latest post (‘Country Nurse’ by Jeff Lemire) at:

http://www.comicsbulletin.com/reviews/121864989018626.htm

    Busy busy.  By most reports from friends and loved ones lately, I need to slow down anyway, and to be honest, I hit the glass ceiling some time earlier this week and I’m starting to embark on a slow descent.  Everyone needs a rest some time, don’t they?  Whelp, it should be a nice downhill slide.

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Big Words Radio Episode III: Priceless! (or) ‘A Prostate Exam For Your Mind’

August 7, 2008
Cost Of A Bicycle Horn: $5
Cost Of Gas Transporting Insane and Heavily Sleep Depraved Radio Host: $3.50
Cost Of Medium Red Bull and 20 oz. Coca Cola Classic: $4
Cost Of 8 Pack, Guinness Stout: $12
Cost Of Friendship With Guest Co-Host Intentionally Bald Mike Due To Obvious and Brutal Homosexual References To His Personal Persuasion: $200
Cost Of Stomach Cramps Due To Pissing My Pants Listening To Show Two Times In A Row: $40
Cost Of Any Career Legs Up From Award Winner Alex Robinson: $4 Million
Cost Of Never Getting To Use Previously Mentioned Bicycle Horn Again Due To Giving Radio Producer ‘a headache’: $?
Cost Of Visit To Therapist Resulting In Sociopathic Comedic Freedom: $50 Co-Pay
 
Cost Of The Best Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Show Yet?
 
Priceless.
 
http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html
 
Every single one of you NEEDS to listen to Episode III with Alex Robinson and guest co-host Mike Hilliard.  Thanks to Alex for being such a great sport, Hilliard for taking it sitting down over and over again (You LOVED it!), and to Richard Wicka for incurring a comedically-inspired migraine.  There is no way to describe this episode.  Treat yourself and then go back and listen to the other two if you haven’t caught them.  Slide whistles and bicycle horns.  The bicycle horn for the first and, indeed, final time.  Historic.  I’ll have to think of another prop next month in the studio for guest co-host gun-nut Brendan  and adult film star call in interviewee Brandy Dean.  Enjoy,
 
Tom Waters 
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I Am Legion, For We Are Many: (Yet Even) More Correspondance Re: Buffalo Rising’s Wacky Antics

August 6, 2008

Far be it from me to beat a dead horse, but my longstanding readers get off on this kind of thing.  Enclosed are a few more words of wisdom from first time emailers and longtime readers.  Christina (a tremendously succesful magazine editor/writer in the Buffalo pipeline) writes with:

Tom,

So sorry to hear about your treatment at Buffalo Rising.  That’s the problem with local papers: they forget they’re expecting you to give it away, that you’re doing them A FAVOR.  Now you’re supposed to put everything else aside and “rewrite endlessly” ’cause they can’t articulate clear guidelines from the outset?

You ARE a writer-to-kill-for, and we all deserve better treatment.  They’ll learn in time.

Christina continues in another email with:

Tom,

After reading all this, my afterthought: Inexperience!

Elena sounds like a beginner trying to feel/fake her way through.  I now suspect she doesn’t have a clue how to be an editor or manager, let alone how to do so efficiently and effectively, least of all diplomatically.  She also evidently has no experience, or even idea, of how to treat volunteers, let alone volunteers who’ve long ago paid their dues and could be spending their time on paid opportunities. 

And my own personal Deepthroat (the informer who brought Nixon down) has been supplying me with a steady stream of intel that may or may not be substantiated.  He/she has emailed me with a lot more info, but I seem to be unable to access my email account on BRO’s site.  Here are some snippets from what this out of towner has been feeding me.  I can neither confirm nor deny their allegations/accusations:

Oh, my password is ok but I can’t post any longer. Even after a little back and forth between myself and…”Precious”. But I will admit that your flameout on the boards will incur her wrath. Big Deal. Do check your profile and password on Twitter, much potential for mischief there but if you’re writing for the web and receiving payment, she would be an idiot to fuck with you like that considering the legal implications. (BTW:she’s an idiot) Also, I received word that Newell no longer owns BRO and was locked out of their offices recently, that he has some weird relationship to BRO as a figurehead but that he’s otherwise no longer The Man. Got no other proof for you. Either way, note that BR is perpetually on the cusp of going under and that several departures, Christa Seychew chief among them bode poorly for their continued existence. ( one of the reasons you were invited to post with them was the fact that they couldn’t afford any regular contributors and now rely on “community contributors” ) I hope they get bought out by someone with better taste in editors and enough dough to replace their 1920’s era server. Check your mail, I’ll have some tasty tidbits from Elena.

This individual was kind enough to send me ten or eleven great emails, but ignored my advice to send them to my fan address.  Again, PLEASE re-send to:

bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com

A second email disclosed this:

Well, in a post last May, Elena actually said that she was a “harness child growing up in Chicago.” This was in the context of Mother’s Day reminisciences. The Newell thing was provided to me by none other than BuffaloPundit.  BTW, it was another Mother’s Day Post by Elena that got me whacked from BRO. Check it out, I said something about “Siciliane big hair” and I guess that was more than she could take. I didn’t even use my fallback line: “Che facia bruta!”. Thin skinned, that one.

Sicilian big hair!  That’s great! 

That’s all the muck that’s fit to rake for today.  I’ll be going to hash things out with my therapist this afternoon and then I’m off to Think Twice studios to wrap and upload the third historic podcast episode of Big Words Radio with Alex Robinson and my special guest co-host Michael Hilliard (or as Night Life bar review readers may remember him from back in the day, I.B.M. or Intentionally Bald Mike).  Expect to hear slide whistles, bicycle horns, Alex on maintaining a functional relationship/marriage when one or both parties have a creative bent, and, as always, your opening shot.  You won’t wanna miss this one.  I’m wound up and ready to let loose on everybody willing to listen!  The show should be up online by about ten pm eastern standard, so tune your dials in and click away at:

www.thinktwiceradio.com

Meanwhile, the word of mouth on Big Words radio has been through the goddamned roof.  One of my work contacts has been telling all the guys on his route that they’re going to piss their pants laughing if they give the show a chance.  That’s promotion you can’t buy. 

BRO would do well to earn that kind of word-of-mouth instead of pissing in every young-upstart freelancer that winds up at their virtual doorstep.  And that number is dwindling down to a narrow few contributors.  In a few more weeks, they’ll be left with just Queenseyes (Newell), Buffalo Rising (Newell/Elena) and Elena Buscarino for contributors.  I can see how it would be difficult to re-tool other people’s material if you’re placing the fastest publication on your own work first and writing three quarters of the publication.  Life’s a bitch, ain’t it? 

And the site hits continue to soar into the stratosphere on the BRO YourHub posts.  We’re in the neighborhood of 3 or 400 individual post hits total on the campaign and yes, Night Life did get the first installment of (Alia Iacta Est: ‘The Die Is Cast’) into the print magazine.  Suck on that, Buffalo Rising!  Suck it long and suck it hard!  The title refers to Ceasar’s legendary remark during one of Rome’s epic battles, so I found it suitable for a war with a crazy bitch from the ass of the boot, so to speak. 

This armageddon is just getting started.  I’m not done with you by a long shot, E.  I haven’t heard peep from either of them since last Wednesday and don’t expect to.  And in the mean time, I’ve got so many personal appointments, free drinks and luncheons to take with all of the reputable newspapermen and women in the WNY area that I’m going to have to burn the midnight oil to keep slinging this much mud.  Whelp, I’ll get more than five hours of sleep a night when I’m dead.  I’ll see Buffalo Rising buried first, though, and I’m holding the motherfucking shovel.  Cheers,

T.W.

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Monday Big Words Update: Stop The Press, I Wanna Get Off!

August 5, 2008

     If I had a request to pass along to the Fates, it would be that they didn’t let all the important things happen in the last week of each month this summer.  This makes twice now that I’ve had to phone in to Night Life magazine and essentially tell them to ‘Stop The Press!’  With a four rant block of essays already in place, I changed tack in light of last week’s events and decided to publish the Buffalo Rising campaign ala Lenny Bruce by serializing the ordeal.  Every email, every column and every late breaking event will be disseminated in a two or three part column series IN print in Night Life magazine under the auspicious title of ‘Alia Iacta Est’ (or, for those of you familiar with your Latin, ‘The Die Is Cast’. 

     There were a lot of updates I wanted to write over the weekend, but Linds and I skipped town and set sail for Lake Erie.  Some time late on Friday, I finally (after many hits, misses and total mistakes for the notion) came up with a lasting title for Essay Book Six (technically Book 9.  Are you ready for it?  Maybe we should get a drum roll going because the title is unbelievably perfect for the content.

-Drum Roll Please

First of all, you’re all (most of you) familiar with the next Rant Book Title, Slapstick & Superego.  We’ve got that one covered at least.  I’m looking at May or June of next year depending on how long the Breathing Room promotions will spill over.   But the book after that, the rant collection that’s clocking in around 107 pages thus far, is:

-Drum Roll, Please!

Merry Prankster

     I agonize over the naming of things.  This title knocks my socks off, though.  It’s an obscure reference to the ’60s, The Tarot, my lifestyle, the material and my way of life.  It works.  If it turns out that someone else has used that handle, I’m still using it.  It’s perfect, it has a nice ring to it, and I can’t think of Rant Book Six as anything other than.

     I spoke with a lot of Buffalo Industry Veterans today regarding the Buffalo Rising fiasco and they’ve all given me some sagely advice.  Whether I follow it is irrelevant, but it was nice to get their opinions.  People who have been toiling away in the business of newspapers for over a decade (and in some cases, two or three).  In many cases, this experience has opened (or re-opened) a lot of doors for me into new endeavors with old friends and new alike.  A few interviews will be finding their way into the pages of Buffalo Spree, a slick magazine publication with nationwide circulation that Elena was blinded with rage over being unable to trump.  A few others still will be finding a home with ArtVoice after Editor in Chief Geoff Kelly and I manage to trade some old journalistic muckracking anecdotes over a stout or two and come to agreement on the Buffalo Police series.  And I’m going to find a way to work something out with WNY Media, as I think they deserve a few fresh pieces from me after sticking their necks out along with me last week when no one else would.  That takes guts.

     Nicholas Peterson has joined the brigade with myself and Carrie Gardner in putting the finishing polish on both Breathing Room manuscripts.  He’s a wiz on formatting, desktop publishing and layout and he’s been kind enough to volunteer his efforts on rescuing the headers, footers, fonts and formatting headaches that have just about gotten the best of me.  I’ve already begun work on a THIRD volume of poetry (shooting for 3-400 pages for the next tome) entitled Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick which, if I’m lucky, will not be complete for another two years or so with all of the other plates spinning in the air. 

     RD Pohl didn’t see fit to accept any of my submissions for this month’s installment of the Poetry Page in the Buffalo News.  Florine still hasn’t run ‘token excuses for block’, which is understandable as they only seem to run poems once in a blue moon in the ‘In The Margins’ section of ArtVoice.  ‘poem for Lindsay’ continues to garner decent votes on poetry.com, but I’m going to need more credibility for certain parties with the poems if I’m going to move some copies.  It’ll all fall into place over the next three or four months.

     I’m lining up some phenomenal concerts/readings/performances that center again around the ‘Monsters Of Verse’ concept.  Three poets, one location, and the occassional musical guest between sets.  Carrie Gardner, Jeff Finlayson and myself will be headlining a Screening Room reading in mid-December that pays.  Carrie and myself will be featured as readers at the Center For Inquiry as part of Just Buffalo’s ‘Literary Cafe’ readings hosted by the ever-entertaining Perry Nicholas.  All signs point to yes for a launch-window (late October) trifecta reading at Talking Leaves on Main St near UB North.  And discussions are being bandied about regarding doing the official launch at the Market Arcade Film and Arts Center on Main St. downtown.  Most of these events are paying and the majority of them are going to come to pass.  The ‘Monsters Of Verse’ concert concept just feels like more of a downtown Buffalo venue, so I’ll be focusing most of my efforts in and around Buffalo, where poetry seems to thrive in multiple pockets and genres.  Buffalo Spree has even informed me that they’re willing to jump in ahead of the curve and do an Artist Profile and me, which is tremendously flattering. 

     After two months of typing furiously, my right hand is suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome.  I’m afraid I’ll be taking a break from writing (and posting) for the majority of the week so that I don’t put any undue strain on the nerve and tendon clusters in my forearm.  I will, however, be running some emails that a certain Informant on Buffalo Rising has been supplying me with intel from mid-week.  The new Big Words radio show wraps this Wednesday night and Uncle Hal and I are STILL trying to find a good time window to do the 60th episode together.  We’ll hammer something out.  That’s a lot of ground covered.  Talk to you soon,

Tom Waters

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Rock Bottom Club Watch Hits Gusto, or: Hare-Brained Today/Gone Tomorrow

August 1, 2008

After two months of one-review only coverage, my review for Rock Bottom (on Transit Rd. in Amherst) starts off August with a bang.  And with the wedding just around the corner, any extra revenue is truly appreciated.  In the wake of the Buffalo Rising all out cage match, it’s a big plus to get some extra credibility.  Some of us actually get paid to write, and the smarter writers have editors with a high level of professionalism who do indeed edit our work (which is an editor’s job, if I’m not mistaken) instead of telling us to edit it.  I was just talking to Deanna Russo (one of the frontrunners at Buffalo.com’s YourHub) about life, the universe and everything on Wednesday and we agreed that despite what ill everyone may have to say about the Buffalo News (most of them losing competitors), I’ve never had any problems with them.  Their staff and their writers have always had a level of diplomacy and professionalism that is unparralleled in Buffalo and I truly, truly appreciate it.  After working closely with Brian Connelly (the editor for Club Watch) for well over eighteen months now, I don’t think I could ask for a better mentor. 

     And meanwhile, out and about, I continue to tell every living soul about what a reprehensible piece of shit Elena Buscarino is.  Apparently she’s the lead singer in a big band, so if you see her out, feel free to throw some rotten produce in the vicinity of her fat mouth.  A ball gag would serve better, but what’s a fella to do?  The old saw goes that when a customer has a poor experience, he’ll tell ten people.  I’m ahead of the curve on that one.  If I have a poor experience, I just won’t be capable of ending my infinite ire regarding the situation.  You made a very large mistake, BRO.  I want Elena’s job by week’s end, her sanity by the end of August, and the paper to fold by New Year’s of 2009. 

     It would most likely be the best thing in the world if ArtVoice would buy them out (like they did with Blue Dog Press in the yesteryear of 2002) and sink the ship to avoid any media confusion.  And say what you will about ArtVoice, but they are an institution, and they march to the beat of their own drummer instead of kow-towing to the public opinion of a small group of simpletons.  Jamie Moses (publisher) and Geoff Kelly (managing editor) are men of conviction, and they follow their passions wherever they happen to carry them.  AV has vision, drive and intensity, and they make a brilliant bookend to everything that is good and true about Buffalo print.

     I tried to contact Geoff about all of this business this week by phone and via email, but to no avail.  Smart odds would bet that AV is going to sit this one out.  I have yet to speak with Elizabeth Licata (whom Elena Buscarino has been less than complimentary regarding), but I’m interested to see if Buffalo Spree magazine would take the hook on my interviews with Kevin McCarthy, Michael Bly and Bob ‘Ernie’ Insana.  I’m also wondering if ArtVoice will bite before Buffalo Spree.  Perhaps my reputation is shot, but I stopped caring about that a long time ago.  As long as I’ve got the Buffalo News, Night Life and my readership on my side, I could truly and honestly care less. 

     Early response to the radio show has been overwhelmingly positive.  Next Wednesday, I’ll be heading into the studio with Harvey and Eisner Award winning comic book artist/writer Alex Robinson.  There will not be a Buffalo angle.  We’re not so insecure that it’s warranted.  Buffalo does fine on it’s own.  It has enough writers who waste their careers and their creative efforts licking Buffalo’s ass like a lollipop that I’d rather not throw mine away on something so timely and trifling.  The thing about local writing is that it’s here today, gone tomorrow.  After the day, you can wrap a fish in it, toss it in the trash or use it as a recepticle for parrot shit.  Write  a good national interview or universal piece about the foibles of the human struggle, though, and you can pimp that feature out for a lifetime.  This is one thing that a lot of respected journalists (and established hacks) will never get.  Yeah, I’m talking about you again, Elena.  I’m not done with you by a long shot.

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Scenes From An Italian Restaurant: Desiderio’s on Podcast!/Site Hit Record Broken & Doubled!

July 31, 2008
As of right now, episode II of Big Words Radio is up online and ready for downloading, ipoding and streaming audio in broadband and dialup.  I talk with Jay Desiderio (one of the owners of my favorite restaurant in the world) about panties in ficus trees, pricing, the economy, the theater and his lifetime passion for cuisine.  I also fire off on Sloan-heads, air a five minute clip with my Uncle Dick.  It was a good night.  Give it a listen yourself over at:
 
http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html
 
Many thanks to Jay Desiderio for being such an entertaining and lovable guest, Richard Wicka (as always) for being a wunderkind producer, and to my Uncle Dick for jumping at the chance to tell a story about my old man back in the old days.  Let me know what you think, Big Words fans!
I’m also ecstatically pleased to announce that the Big Words web site has reached a new hit record.  For the first time in almost a year and a half, the site exceeded it’s original all time high of 107 unique site hits, doubled and kept going! 
The final tally for Wednesday was 264 unique views.  That’s a pretty big deal.  Here’s to hoping that all of you come back and stick around for the fun.  Now that Buffalo Rising has fascistically seen fit to block my IP from offering my opinion on their drivel, you’ll just have to park your ass here if you need your fix.  Thanks so much for helping me to hit this new and momentous milestone.  I’m looking forward to the ride ahead!
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Monday Big Words Update! Week 83 (‘Kicked In The Monthly Mailbag’) Simulcast!

June 23, 2008

     I’m still riding high from yesterday’s Think Twice Radio show.  If you haven’t listened yet, click your butt over to:

www.thinktwiceradio.com

-and click on my ugly mug for some really funny stuff.  Don and Ian made great guests and my buddy Ron and I were practically wetting our pants listening to the show last night during our weekly guy’s night.  Yet here it is a Monday again which means that the new print issue of Night Life magazine is hitting stands all around Buffalo and the lower Canadian regions with a Big Words installment of ‘Kicked In The Monthly Mailbag’, a severely tongue in cheek response to the fact that I begged, pleaded and cajoled for some letters or suggestions from readers and got ZERO responses.  Thanks a lot, folks.  Since I’m still aggravated about that, I’m going to run today’s column right here for you bastards as well.  Take a hint!  My ego needs constant care, feeding and nurturing, so send me some goddamned mail already!  The address (in the event that you haven’t been beaten over the head with it enough already) is: bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com .  If you want to hear me read your letter on the Think Twice radio show, put ‘Radio Show mail’ in the subject heading.  If you want to see portions of your letter in print, write ‘Print Column’ in the heading.  After lowering my expectations and still getting let down on reader mail, I’m not expecting much.  Thanks for nothing. 

     So that’s all I’ve got.  If you haven’t been checking the site, last week was a busy one, so scroll down if you want to get caught up.  Seeya in the funny papers,

Tom ‘rain, sleet and snow’ Waters

 

  Kicked In The Monthly Mailbag
 
 Last month, I begged and pleaded with all of you to send me some mail so that I could see what you had to say.  I encouraged everyone who read this column to direct their comments, questions and suggestions to: bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com.  Here’s what I found in my email box.  I will try and answer each email respectfully and pleasantly:
 
 Michele Hanah writes in saying that I can ‘Expand my male organ with infinite inches running on the best therapeutics.’  Thanks for writing in Michele!  While I appreciate your suggestion, my male organ is doing just fine.  I don’t like to brag, but I sometimes knock furniture over with the length and girth of my male organ.  I’m not sure how you can guarantee infinite inches of measurement (as that’s scientifically impossible), but I guess I’ll never know, because I’m not going to buy your product.
 
 Adela Martinez writes to notify me that ’I am looking for a foreigner who will stand as the next of kin to MR.Ruben Martin. After processing the paper works that will reflect you as the next of kin to our late client you will henceforth become the new and sole beneficiary of the total funds.’  She also claims that I can stand to inherit ‘US$30,000,000.00’While this could be a lucrative proposition, Adela, I was really looking for something along the lines of feedback on my articles and rants that run in the pages of Night Life magazine.  I’m impressed that you found an outlet that distributes Night Life magazine in Berlin, Germany, and even I didn’t know that they had such a wide swath of newspaper distribution.  While I could find some good uses for ’US$30,000,000.00’, I highly doubt that you have those sort of funds to give me.  I could buy a lot of drinks for myself and a few for other people with a couple of million.  You’ll just have to find another rube for your ’Spanish Prisoner’ scam.
 
 Nanchang Kyber emailed me with a subject line that read ’You can achieve the whole world with Viagra Pro’, yet her email itself had this to say: Leaving the assistants to clean up and hide the wreckage of the alloy-resonance generator, he gathered all their lab notebooks “for security reasons,” and later destroyed them. The famed inventor liked Co think he was in control of his life.
“Or do you simply miss our fascinating company?” Juno inquired with an abrasive snort. “Perhaps you grew lonely after so much time by yourself.”
She grinned. Selim had taught them how to live by the most austere means, yet whenever they captured supplies from their enemies, the outlaws celebrated. Within an hour, the festivities would begin.’  While I consider myself something of an outlaw, I’m not sure how this is relevant to my recent rants on rules about women (‘Perpetual Estrogen’) and the value of silence (‘Quiet Time Or Else’!).  And while I consider myself a fairly intelligent person, I have no goddamned idea what an alloy-resonance generator is.  Thanks for writing in, though!
 
 So what have I learned from my repeated attempts to get a once-a-month mail column going?  Theory A)With the miracle of the internet, there are still idiots out there who think that some poor sap will fall for buying snake-oil boner fuel and get-rich-quick schemes.  Theory B)Nobody reads this goddamned column in Night Life magazine.  Theory C)There IS a readership for this column, but the readers are too goddamned lazy to interact with said author.  Theory D)There IS a readership for this column, but the readers are either too cheap or don’t have access to a computer, and therefore, the email capabilities offered by the World Wide Interweb.  Theory E)Don’t ask for readers to email you because it’s a waste of time.  Theory F)You’re reading this right now, and you have no idea what I’m talking about and I’m astonished that you’ve read this far. 
 I could go off on a blind rampage here and swear never to do a mail column again, but I never say never.  If you want to send me an email, great.  If not, then go fuck yourself.  I will say that I’m never going to beseech my readership to write in again but I will respond to any emails sent to me.  On to other matters.  A massive announcement!
 Starting in July, Big Words I Know By Heart will be expanding to the realm of a radio show.  I’ll be hosting my own pod cast under the same name online with special guests including Buffalo musicians, artists, writers, businessmen etc as well as reading some of my tirades in the hopes of reaching a larger audience.  My hope is that I can draw more people to the print column and draw the print column people to the pod cast radio show.  Look for the Big Words I Know By Heart radio show online starting next month on www.thinktwiceradio.com.  And as always, you can find out more about my work by clicking on over to www.tomfoolery4.wordpress.com.  Thanks for reading, damn you for not writing, and I’ll see you all next week in the pages of Night Life!
 
  Wondering if Buffalonians even know how to type,
   Tom ’disgruntled’ Waters  
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Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Episode I! Don’s Atomic Podcast!

June 22, 2008
Heyo!
 
    After a fantastic day in the studio at Think Twice Radio and a photo shoot for the dashboard pic, myself and the boys from Don’s Atomic Comics came up with some podcasting gold!  Big Words I Know By Heart Radio is now a reality.  There’s an ‘opening shot’ from the pages of Night Life this week with ‘Double Barrell Diplomacy’ (about visiting Canadians) along with a protracted discussion with Don and Ian about Guinness, comics, Alan Moore, porn, and a few other topics.  Give it a listen or a download at:
 
http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html
 
    What a great day!  After what we got away with for the first episode, I can’t wait to see how much further Uncle Hal and I can push the envelope for Episode 2 in August!  Thanks to Josh, Rich and definitely Susan Marie for getting my foot in the door.  And keep in mind, this is DEFINITELY a Hard R-rating on Episode I.  If you’re easily offended, don’t bother.  Enjoy!
 
Tom ‘Guinness’ Waters
 
p.s. I’ll be popping some of the studio pics up on Myspace and YourHub later today.  Now it’s time for a nap.  Let me know what you think!
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Think Twice Radio Interview Up Already (?!), Gift Horses

May 28, 2008

I had an unbelievably good time with Susan Marie on her ‘This Is NOT the apple’ radio hour on Think Twice Radio last night.  So much so, in fact, that both of us felt renewed and revitalized after the experience.  We ad libbed, played it by ear, and had a generally great time chewing the fat with very few studio notes and I got to make friends with Rich (the producer/engineer/Wizard of Oz at Think Twice).  Astonishingly enough, the interview was up online before I walked out the door for the evening.  You really should check it out over at:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/sue-marie/sue-marie.html

Oh, and one or two more things: Think Twice is going to be recording and podcasting the Monsters Of Verse show on June 16th!  How about those NOT the apples?  They’ve become the official sponsor of the Monsters Of Verse concert in less than three weeks!  Also, they’ve asked me if I wanted to host my own radio show.  Hmph.  After mulling it over for an evening, I can’t imagine why or how I could say no.  With over 5,000 site hits a month and a cultural zietgiest of their own, that’s an audience and a crowd and an opportunity that I can’t and won’t afford to miss.  I’ll be brainstorming a format and working on a guest list over the next few weeks.  As for the title, how could it be anything other than Big Words I Know By Heart?  Stay tuned for more details.  I’ve been in and out of radio for three or four years now and this is the perfect opportunity to jump in with both feet. 

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Monday Big Words Update! Week 79 on stands/3 Weeks to the Monsters Of Verse/Think Twice Radio Gig Tomorrow!

May 26, 2008

Whelp, after a week of kicking back and freezing my ass of in Rushford and three days and two nights at Lindsay’s folks’ cabin in Angola, I can honestly say I’m rested and relaxed and ready to get back to the grind.  With no real promotional plan or upcoming book to promote, the engagements are piling back up anyway.  Gusto ran the Riley St. Station bar review on Friday and last Monday saw the conclusion to ‘Perpetual Estrogen’ in my Big Words I Know By Heart column in Night Life magazine.  Today, ‘Quiet Time Or Else’ hits the stands in the pages of Night Life magazine, a blind rant on the agitations of uncontrollable noise pollution.  Tomorrow (after a long delay dating back to last August), I’ll be hunkering down in the booth with poet, promotional wunderkind and music reviewer/interview Susan Marie for her show, ‘This is NOT the apple’ on Think Twice radio.  I’m not sure when it will be done with production and so forth, but keep checking over at: www.thinktwiceradio.com for details and I’ll throw up a post when I’m sure. 

     And after years of talking about it and originally missing a scheduled headline reading at the Center For Inquiry that we booked a year in advance, Carrie Gardner and myself with finally be sharing the stage together (along with the band Shaky Stage) at Desiderio’s on Broadway on Monday, June 16th at 8pm.  For all the details, scroll down to the previous post, but we’re three weeks away and this will in all likelihood be the ONLY time I’ll be performing on stage and signing the final batch of first edition hardcovers for If They Can’t Take A Joke at $20 a pop.   That night isn’t really about me, though.   The spotlight is on Carrie and Evil Is A Terrific, Rubbery Goblet, her phenomenal collection of very accessible and newby friendly poetry and prose which she’s selling for a cool $10.  I read it in one sitting, I’ve been a huge fan of her work since I interviewed her for ArtVoice back in 2004, and this is her first book of collected work.  If you can make it out that Monday and bring friends, do so.  And the gang at Desiderio’s have become (as I’m sure you know by now), dear, dear friends of mine.  I’ve reviewed a million bars for a million different papers over the years, but Desi’s is the only place where I hang my hat and I consider it a second home.  I’ve also come to know the band members for Shaky Stage and they’ve got some great songs and a rock-solid stage act in their own right.  We’re three weeks away.  Mark your calendar, rally up some people and make the trip.  You’ll be glad you did. 

That’s all I’ve got for today.  After being out of town on and off for so long, I’m chasing deadline on some new columns for Night Life for June, so I need to hammer out at least one more new piece for next month.  Have a fantastic Memorial Day and I’ll drop some more knowledge on you later in the week,

Tom Waters   

 

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