Big Words Radio Episode 68: ‘I Was Wakened By Rage’

We definitely started the New Year with a bang.

    Yesterday’s show was unpredictable, volatile and flat-out hilarious.  Atomic Don contends that it’s the best interview I’ve done on the show thus far.  I’ll say that it definitely belongs in the top ten.  Here’s your synopsis:

Episode 68: ‘I Was Wakened By Rage’
Tom aggravates the bejesus out of artist Tony Millionaire (Maakies, The Drinky Crow Show) by waking him up earlier than his regularly scheduled noon morning perambulations. Atomic Don does his best impression of Ed McMahon and the boys regale each other with tales of hard drinking, great cartooning, Newt Gingrich and anti-Semitism.

-To hear the show in full audio quality click on over to:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

-To hear all 100+ episodes including bonus shows and additional clips click on over to:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

-You can also subscribe to The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour for free on ‘The iTunes’ by searching ‘Big Words Radio’ in the podcast section and clicking on the Comedy listing.

    We knew Tony Millionaire was going to be a good fit for the show, but I had no idea that he was going to be ideal.  The man was literally engineered for Big Words Radio.  A huge thank you goes out to Tony, Atomic Don and Producer Richard Wicka for orchestrating the perfect storm for our first foray into Season Five.  While Atomic Don gets a ‘runner’s high’ after jogging around for a few hours, I can always tell when we’ve had a good show because I get a warm, fuzzy feeling that lingers after we’re done taping.  This was one of those shows.

    Cartoonist Tom Beland (True Story, Swear To God) is on deck for February 7th along with co-host Michael Hoffert Jr. (It Came From The Long Box).  We’ve all got a tough act to follow, but it looks like Season 5 is off to one hell of a great start.

Enjoy,

Tom Waters

The Willy Wonka Theorem

Time to face facts.  Doubt It Publishing cemented the publishing house with Voices From The Herd: An Anthology For Buffalo, NY.  Despite the time involved, anthologies are an easy project to attract local writers.  The project was a colossal success and the proceeds that the book has earned for The Just Buffalo Literary Center will resonate for years to come.

Lightning struck twice when heretofore unknown Mark McElligott sent his manuscript along for Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind, which was easily one of the funniest books I’ve read in fifteen years.  While Mark (and the contents of his book) aren’t exactly family friendly, we found a niche for his talent and his book continues to entertain while finding a new audience.

The open reading submission for 2011 was less than satisfactory.  I’m slightly saddened to announce that there won’t be any Doubt It Publishing Author Of The Year this year because, truth be told, I put all of my eggs in two or three baskets.  Not one, but three promising manuscripts passed my desk that held promise.  One had potential but it wasn’t polished enough.  Another had stellar character development but the author’s needs and requests were unreasonable.  The final project was perfect but the person behind the collection couldn’t commit.

I’ve spent the last ten years interviewing writers to find out what works and what doesn’t.  What behaviors succeed, what personality traits work and which ones don’t.  In the same sense, I’ve spent a lifetime learning what it means to run a successful publishing business.  Many schools in the music business open their doors to anyone willing to collect a paycheck and find themselves on the verge of bankruptcy within a few years.  Other ventures weed out new creative endeavors after a short time and turn to subsidy publishing, choosing only to publish and copyright their own work.

Doubt It Publishing is an ideal.  A publishing house that was built to foster new, subversive and talented Buffalo authors and save them from the pitfalls and aggravations that I’ve gone through for the last ten years.  This won’t be a vanity house and it won’t be a catch-all for any author coming down the pike.  It has to be an imprint that welcomes those of you promising enough to make the cut who are willing to put as much work into promoting your book as you did writing it.

2012 is a wash.  The Doubt It Publishing docket for this year has failed.  So we grow, evolve and adapt.  Here’s the decision moving forward: The Call For Submissions will be year round from here on out.  As the Publisher and Editor In Chief, I will no longer depend on any one writer or any one manuscript.  There will no longer be a six month reading period.  If you have a promising work and you want to publish and promote it next year, I want to work with you.  The business model remains.  I’m still looking for one book to work with, but I’m swinging the submission gates wide open.

Tell me what you’ve been working on, Buffalo.  You’ve got all year to do it, and every year from here on out.

Please send your sample chapters, query letters or entire manuscripts to: bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com

Out With The Old, In With The New

2011 was truly a banner year all around.  If someone told me this time last year that I’d launch three books in the span of 8 months while working on two more and holding down a full time job, I’d tell them they were nuts.

Mockery got better media exposure than my last three books combined and went on to sell more copies faster than any other book I’ve released.  In terms of sales it’s second only to If They Can’t Take A Joke.  It continues to sell steadily even though the inaugural push is over with.

Mark McElligott’s Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind was a resounding breakout success from a talented and previously unheard of writer.  Together we managed to find a larger audience for his idiosyncratic brand of humor in his hometown of Lockport as well as throughout Buffalo.  And while there was no real launch campaign for Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick, it’s turned a tidy profit since its release in August that would make its previous poetry predecessors proud.  The collection was received as an entertaining step forward compared to both Breathing Rooms.

            Somehow this year I also managed to get banned from Time Warner Cable and earned a film credit for the music video ‘I Wanna Be Oprah’ (which is still available on YouTube).  I guess we can chalk both up to being in the right place at the right time.

While doing some site maintenance this morning I realized that some of the links to the right here were broken.  I updated all of them to ensure that they were functional, so for those interested, you can now click on Born Pissed and Zany Hijinx to buy my first two books or click on ‘The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour’ link to go right to the show.  All of the links on the right-hand sidebar are fully operational again, so browse at your leisure!

Speaking of Big Words Radio, Season 4 turned out to be the magic number.  Somehow despite the over-the-top comedy and subversive, offensive content the show turned out to be the Little Podcast That Could, finding an audience of over 3,000 listeners per month.  Season 5 promises to be just as crass and irreverent as it’s always been, so stay tuned!

The next two years should be light duty compared to this one.  I’m putting the finishing touches on Icarus On The Mend: Memoirs Of A Manic Depressive before working on the cover and interior design with cover artist Derek Patrick Evoy and graphic designer Brian Platter (Six Shot Studios) for a firm signed and numbered (50 copies only) hardcover release date of October 25th, 2012.  Exactly one year later the book will appear again in two trade paperback volumes for the general public.

It remains to be seen whether there will be a 2012 Doubt It Publishing Author Of The Year.  The book I devoted countless time into proofreading, editing and consultation on fell through due to contract negotiations and after Voices From The Herd I have zero interest in extending a call for submissions.  I am working with someone on something else but time will tell if the concept bears fruit or not.

Thanks for such a spectacular year, everybody.  I look forward to a productive and financially successful New Year!

 

Sincerely,

Tom Waters            

‘Notorious’: The Big Words One Man Mobile Unit @The 2011 Buffalo Night Life Music Awards

For those of you who weren’t in on it (drum roll please), The Big Words Finale was an elaborate prank that took five months to prepare for.  The joke’s on you, Buffalo!  You didn’t think you’d get rid of me that easily, did you?  Contrary to my cries of woe before the ‘final episode’, new and improved stats on both web sites have revealed that Big Words Radio is tracking at over 3,000 downloads a month.  And for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I had no idea there were so many of you with such a twisted sense of humor, so the show must go on!

Moving on then, co-host Minnick and myself set ourselves loose this week at Page’s Paradise Island for the 2011 Night Life Buffalo Music Awards.  The Big Words Poltergeist struck not once but repeatedly, as the batteries I charged before the show died, we lost a sizeable sound clip with Best Duo Act Busted Stuff and I had a number of headaches posting the show properly on Mevio.  Thankfully all the bugs have been worked out.  Here is your synopsis:

‘Notorious’: The Big Words One Man Mobile Unit @The 2011 Buffalo Night Life Music Awards

Tom and returning co-host/designated driver Kevin Minnick get tanked up during the VIP open bar at Page’s Paradise Island while rubbing elbows with Brian Kahle and his trusty new assistant Rebecca.  0-60 Scott brings the hammer down while The Blues Hounds bring the house down.  The boys find two fantastic new reasons to see Black Widow live, Tom receives an award of his own from Busted Stuff and Michael Hund from Widow Maker says hello.

-To hear the show along with all 100+ episodes including bonus clips, click your way over to:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com.

-You can also subscribe to the show for free on ‘the iTunes’ by searching ‘Big Words Radio’ and clicking on the Comedy listing in Podcasts.

-This episode will also appear later next week at:  http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

I’d like to thank all of the musicians as well as Brian Kahle for entertaining our questions with a good sense of humor.  I thought we were going to get kicked out last year so it was shocking that we amped up our obnoxiousness and were greeted with open arms.  Thanks are also in order to Ed Honeck from Night Life Magazine and Page’s Paradise Island for allowing us in the door and supplying us with emergency backup batteries.  Thank you also to Kevin Minnick for putting up with my abuse in a public setting for a return tour of duty.

There’s a very big year on the horizon for Big Words Radio.  Cartoonist Tony Millionaire will be coming on the show in January with Atomic Don and award winning musicians Strictly Hip, 100 Proof Justice and Widow Maker are all confirmed.  Dave and Cynthia from Busted Stuff are also discussing an intimate return visit.  Things will only get bigger and better as we continue onward and upward!

Stay tuned,

Tom Waters

The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour Finale Roast

After 100 episodes, who knew that my former co-hosts would have so much pent up rage towards yours truly?

Seriously though, Friday’s Finale taping was everything I was hoping for and more.  After some exhaustive editing and splicing work over the course of the weekend we’ve got nearly two hours of creative variety and hilarious lambasting coming your way.  Here are your synopses:

The Big Words Radio Hour Finale Roast Pt.I: ‘Fag Hags & The 99%’

A star-studded cast of co-hosts from the catastrophic history of the program turn up to kick Tom in his baby nuts on the way down for the craptacular finale to a four year run of The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour.  Intentionally Bald Mike leads the charge, playwright Jon Elston gets himself into trouble, poet/comedian Josh Smith tears Tom a new one, Gun Nut Brendan enjoys what’s left of his Tullamore Dew (after Tom ‘has his way’ with it), Timmy C. reminisces about ‘Foamy Cokes’, Diabetes Dave laments his mom’s last pap smear, and all of the co-hosts in attendance launch an intervention with painfully poor results.

The Big Words Radio Hour Finale Roast Pt.II: ‘I Was Just Looking For Q-Tips & Polyps.’

Zombie Chris comes out of seclusion to discuss ‘the Meeghan double dip’, Tom’s old roommate Charles ‘Chezzie’ reflects on their magical bachelor years and refines his comedy routine, Doubt It Publishing wunderkind Mark McElligott further incriminates himself, Intentionally Bald Mike and Gun Nut Brendan return to cross a woefully small sword, rock star Michael Bly makes an unexpected cameo with his girlfriend Danielle and Intentionally Bald Mike blows a gasket over some shocking news about the show.

The Big Words Finale Bonus Round!

Hawaiian and/or Filipino wind-up car enthusiast Terry Kimmel shares a magical fantasy with Tom in the lead role and Chezzie sharpens up his comedy routine with mixed results.

To hear all three finale episodes along with every episode in the show’s history, click your way over to:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

You can also download the entire catalog for free by searching the Podcast section and clicking on the ‘Comedy’ listing on ‘the iTunes’.  Part I & II of the finale will appear on http://www.thinktwiceradio.com by the end of the week.

I owe a huge debt of gratitude to everyone who called in and showed up to tear me a new one.  Thanks for making the Finale so memorable.  A very big thank you goes out to Intentionally Bald Mike as well for being such an influential force from the humble beginnings of the show all the way to the end.

Well what the hell are you waiting for?  Download the damn shows already!

Enjoy,

Tom Waters

Early Concept Art For Icarus On The Mend by Derek Patrick Evoy

Big Words Radio 67: ‘Tricky Dicks & Pregnant Possibilities’

Last night’s show was pitch perfect.  For the final studio episode of The Big Words I  Know By Heart Radio Hour I couldn’t have asked for a better guest, co-host or program.  For four years now producer and Think Twice Radio creator Richard Wicka has kept mostly silent for over 100 shows.  Until now.  Here’s your synopsis:

 

Episode 67: ‘Tricky Dicks & Pregnant Possibilities’

Tom rounds out his last show in the studio with Think Twice Nucleus Richard Wicka and co-host Carl Theil. The boys talk about their love lives, Occupy Wall Street, smelly hippies and an unexpected caller (Greg S.) weighs in without really bringing much to the table.

 

-To hear the show in full audio quality, click on over to:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

 

-To hear the newest episode along with bonus clips and the entire history of the show, click your way over to:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

 

-You can also subscribe to the show for free on ‘the iTunes’ by searching Big Words Radio in Podcasts and clicking on the show under the Comedy category.

 

Thanks are in order to Richard Wicka (who was a lot more candid and forthcoming with his answers than I expected), Carl Theil for bringing some class and actual big words to the show and Gregory Sterlace for calling in during the show (a bit of a first for us).  I got a little choked up during the end, but overall it was a magical evening.  Rich, Carl and I have had a lot of great discussions during meals over the years so it was great to finally capture our dynamic on the radio show.

We’re two weeks away from the Big Words Finale Roast, so in the mean time, I hope you enjoy this show as much as we loved doing it.

 

Sincerely,

Tom Waters

T-Minus Two More Episodes: Big Words Radio Slowly Says Goodbye

Saying goodbye is a bitch.

 

It just hit me today that Big Words Radio is nearing a very real and definitive end of the road.  After being a guest on Susan Marie’s ‘This Is Not The Apple’ on Think Twice Radio in June of 2008, producer Richard Wicka asked me if I’d be interested in doing my own show.  I was reluctant, but after chewing on it for a few hours I figured ‘Why the hell not?’

It took a few shows to get my legs, but somehow the format figured itself out.  With my marriage, stress and an unexpected firing, the show turned into my therapy along with a launching pad for some of my favorite local musicians, national comic book artists and writers, adult film stars and a never-ending roster of great co-hosts.  Intentionally Bald Mike soon gained favor as a crucial part of the show.  Insanity, tell-all comedy and schmaltzy sound props quickly became the order of the day.

I can’t believe that it’s been four years.  I can’t believe that I’m two shows away from saying goodbye.  Between three or four different web sites, iTunes and a number of incarnations, put-ons and lurches and upsurges in the rest of my life, this is it.  It was a peripheral hobby that looked promising until it wasn’t.  Listeners started disappearing over the summer and the numbers kept getting worse.  Not one to go down with a sinking ship, I made a clear decision to ride out on a high note.

Tomorrow I’ll be coming full circle by interviewing the man who helped me to get the ball rolling: Producer Richard Wicka.  In three weeks time, every co-host who’s ever appeared on the show has a standing invitation to get back at me for all of my taunts, attacks and threats over the years for the Big Words Radio Finale on Friday, December 2nd from 6-8 p.m.  If you’ve been a co-host in the past and you’ve relocated, please phone your roast in to: (716) 823-1750.  Mention the roast at the beginning of your message and we’ll splice it into the last show.

There are too many people to thank who’ve been involved with the show so we’ll do that another time.  Early on I decided to formulate a persona that was clearly over the top compared to the voice I employ in my books.  Walking in the footsteps of heroes like Don Rickles, Lenny Bruce and Andrew Dice Clay, I figured that I’d host a show that I’d want to hear.  The kind of show that made me die laughing as a kid.  A format that made fun of everything.  Offensive, ridiculous and insane.  I hoped that people would get the gist of the spirit of the show.  I was wrong.

There was a boom in 2009 when the show split onto MyPodcast.com, but downloads and site hits have started vanishing in the last six months.  I guess my brand of comedy is a bit too extreme.  In 2002 I used to run out of breath hearing industry greats like Opie & Anthony in the studio with a rogue’s gallery of stand up comics tearing into each other.  I wanted to make a show that appealed to the comedian’s comedian.  For awhile it looked like it was working.

Best not to drag it out.  Chalk this up to closure.  I’m walking into the studio one last time and then we’re recording the Roast in December.  It’s tough to say goodbye to something that turned into such splendid therapy, but I strive to focus my efforts on projects with the largest audience.  Big Words Radio no longer falls into that category.

Counting down,

Tom

Book Signing Dec.4th From 4-6 p.m. w/Mark McElligott

After a four month flurry of promotions together, Mark McElligott and I are still a bit tired and weary.  Nevertheless, we are planning some book events during the busy holiday season.  On Sunday, December 4th, we’ll both be at Talking Leaves on Elmwood from 4-6 pm signing copies of Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick, Mockery and Mark’s breakout hit Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind.  All three books will be available for $15.  Talking Leaves currently has all three books in stock at both their Elmwood and Main St. locations.

I’m also in the process of setting something up at Dog Ears Books in South Buffalo for December, so stay tuned for news about that.  On top of that, Mark’s shown an interest in booking an event at Café Karma in Lockport, so odds are strong that we’ll book something for him there.

Even when we’re not busy, we’re busy.  I’m promoting lightly on Poke The Scorpion until my calendar frees up, so please try to make it out to Talking Leaves if you want a copy.  My time for the next month is deeply invested in proof-reading an editing a possible manuscript for next year and everything else is on a back burner for the time being.  While my poetry books have never been blockbusters in terms of sales, they’re steady sellers over the years and they mean every bit as much to me as the humor books or other projects.

We look forward to seeing you in December,

Tom Waters

Big Words Radio Episode 66: ‘Tight Rope’

There are some days you just want to forget.  Yesterday was one of them.  After spending the majority of my birthday hungry and alone, I wasn’t exactly at the top of my game for the show.  Here’s your synopsis:

 

Episode 66: ‘Tight Rope’

Tom and co-host Brian Bogucki stammer through an interview with veteran journalist Joel Meadows, the editor in chief at Trip Wire magazine. Tom laments the worst birthday he’s ever had, Joel rolls with the punches and Brian does his best impression of a mime.

 

To hear the show on Think Twice, here’s your direct link:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

 

To download the episode with a smaller audio file or to listen to bonus episodes and additional clips, click here:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

 

You can also subscribe to the show on ‘the iTunes’ by searching ‘Big Words Radio’ and clicking on the ‘Comedy’ listing.

 

Thanks are in order to Joel Meadows for rolling with the punches for a show that wasn’t our level best.  Thanks also to Brian Bogucki and (as always) producer Richard Wicka for being on board for this disaster.  We’ve got two more shows left.  Join me next month when I sit down with producer Richard Wicka to figure out how and when the program went so horribly wrong.  After that, we’ve got the big finish in early December.

 

Thanks,

Tom

Something Borrowed, Something New

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

To say that the last four years have been interesting would be an understatement.  Fate has guided my career as a writer in directions I could never fathom.  After making more money on two poetry books than I expected (which is why I published them myself), I decided to found my own publishing company (Doubt It Publishing).  After that (with the help of co-editor’s Cindy Mantai and Alycia Ripley), we released Voices From The Herd, a non-profit anthology about Buffalo with all of the proceeds being deposited directly to The Just Buffalo Literary Center.  After that, it seemed like a natural step to publish one new author a year, so fate guided my hand again and introduced me to Mark McElligott, a 50 year old cartoonist whose writing was among the funniest I’ve ever read.  Around the same time, I wrote my autobiography (which isn’t coming out until next year).

What has all of this taught me after ten years of freelancing, writing, marketing and publishing?  To follow your hunches and stay out of your comfort zone.  I had a stray thought a few weeks ago to delve into the history of Rushford, NY.  As half a native (spending my summers there as a child and taking two weeks in the off season for the past ten years), I’ve always loved it there and part of my heart will always belong there.  While I despise history books as a genre and prefer biographies and autobiographies, Rushford is the one subject that I’d be willing to sink my teeth into.

So here’s the web site for it.  This was built out of a hope that some of you will find it and find yourselves willing to loan or email me documents, memoirs or heretofore unseen information about the history of Rushford.  When I used to conduct print interviews for Artvoice, I preferred to research my subject backwards and forwards before I even started typing; Rushford won’t be any different.  Research on the town has already begun, but this is a new genre for me and a much larger topic than a single artist, so any help I can get would be greatly appreciated.

I’m astonished to find that there isn’t much in the way of books in print, web sites or archived data about Rushford.  In Buffalo you can throw a rock and find three books about Niagara Falls, The Appalachian Trail or The Adirondaks.  It’s sad that there aren’t many books in print about such a beautiful man-made place and that alone solidified my decision to start writing this book.  I’ve got a three year window to research and write it.  I’d like to give the history of the area the justice it deserves.

Here’s where you come in.  If you have any out of print books in your possession, newspaper clippings, maps, old photos of the town or oral history about Rushford (that you can back up), please email me at your earliest convenience at:

bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com

This is a very long term project with a lot of hard work ahead for me.  Unlike the autobiography, there won’t be any play by plays, teasers or behind the scenes spoilers before the book is released.  If you live in Rushford, know something about Rushford that no one else knows or if there’s something about the town that you find important to its legacy, please email me.  You have my full attention.

Sincerely,
Tom Waters

Icarus Manuscript Fetches A King’s Ransom, Big Words Radio Wins An Award & Doubt It Publishing Looks For A New Author On The Roster

With such a large scale project accompanied by an enormous timeline, I thought it would be a natural idea to auction off the original manuscript (along with a copy of the hardcover when it’s released).  I started writing Icarus On The Mend last October (in 2010), spent the last two months proof-reading, spell checking and generally filling any gaps in the continuity and continue to put the finishing touches on the second read-through.  The auction started on FB this week and I’m astonished to see that the only copy that anyone can read for the next year is up to $225!  We’ll find out how much it fetches by close of business tomorrow.

A year from now, Icarus On The Mend will launch on my birthday (October 25th, 2012) in a limited, numbered hardcover edition comprised of 50 copies in an 8.25×10.75 format.  Due to the sheer size of the book (430 pages and counting in 6×9), I had to go bigger in order to make the book cost effective.  I’ve been working closely with a new artist on the cover concept and he’s researching mythology and moths for an acrylic painting due by August 1st.  Returning Doubt It graphic designer Brian Platter (Six Shot Studios) will be designing all three volumes of the book over the course of the next year from the interior to the wraparound cover layout.  Due to the nature (and content) of the book, I’m not in a big hurry to share it with everyone.  Regardless, the book is almost done and there seems to be a very large demand in the market for people to read it.  It’s been soothing to have a project that we can all take our time with for once so that we all make sure that the book is as perfect as it’s going to be by the time you buy a copy.

Once we all get around to October of 2013, Icarus On The Mend will come out in two soft cover trade paperback volumes in a 6×9 format with the addition of at least one new chapter.  Brian Platter is working on an original photo reel cover for the first volume along with an identical photo negative for the second.

The long term objective for all of this is to release a third volume some twenty years from now as a companion piece to the former two.  Many people have asked me how I can release an autobiography when my life is (in fact) not over with yet.  I decided to start writing it a year ago so that I could retain as much information as possible while it was still instantly retrievable.  After ten years of freelancing, it felt like the right time to reflect on my life in order to prepare for the future.  I also feel that my experience with manic depression might be able to help others coping with the illness, whether it’s relatives, friends of those diagnosed or people with the actual diagnosis.

The book has already drawn more controversy than I expected and it’s not even out yet.  For once I wasn’t trying to cause any trouble and it showed up to the party anyway.  The majority of the dissension came from the fact that (in almost every instance), I’ve used real names in this book.  My intent as to why I’d do this has been called into question and I’m going to address this by saying that there are two ways that you can pen a memoir: You can open up a big gray area where you edit what actually happened and try to apply a complementary image to your life or you can work on being unflinchingly honest about yourself and others.  I haven’t compromised my art so far and I’m certainly not going to start now.  I didn’t use real names as a marketing ploy and (unless the events reported could have caused someone immediate harm), I didn’t use real names to cause anything scandalous.  Again, it felt like the right thing to do and my intentions were genuine.

I’m shooting for a $40 price point on the hardcover and a $15 price point on each soft cover.  It’s been awhile since I’ve released a book in hardcover format (If They Can’t Take A Joke), so I’m not sure if this will be possible, but that’s what we’re aiming at.  I appreciate all the feedback that those of you on Facebook have provided in the interim whether it was positive or negative and I’m pretty shocked by the amount of money some of you have been willing to shell out towards the manuscript.  It’s been very encouraging and it’s given me the initiative for that final push towards polishing off what’s left that needs to be done.  This won’t be my last book by a long shot, but the production window is buying me enough time for starting a family, taking a long break (if I’m capable of taking it) or the opportunity to focus on other projects and other authors for Doubt It Publishing.

Wrapping up, it looks as if The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour is receiving a You Rock award at Bravo on October 22nd to commemorate the Busted Stuff two-party from earlier in the year.  British journalist Joel Meadows will be my distinguished guest on Big Words Radio on October 25th, Richard Wicka will be my guest in November and we’re doing the Big Words Finale Show early in December.  The Buffalo News has also accepted my third and final My View submission for the year which should be running some time in October.  They have a three submission cap and one of my goals this year was to hit all three.  There’s also one month left for promising Buffalo authors to submit their original manuscripts for possible publication as a 2011 Doubt It Publishing Author Of The Year.  Manuscripts can be sent to: bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com with ‘Submission’ in the subject field.

 

Have a great rest of the week and thanks for keeping up,

Tom Waters

Completely Clueless: Duff’s Wings On Dick Road Couldn’t Buy A Clue With A Free Gift Card & A Hundred Bucks

Back around November of 2009, Duff’s Wings opened a new location on Dick Rd. in Cheektowaga.  I’d never had their wings but (as an aficionado), people had been telling me about them for years.  You probably know by now how passionate I am about chicken wings.  For the last twenty years my buddy Ron and I have been getting a double of wings every Sunday like clockwork, so when they opened up in Cheektowaga, we decided to try them out.  We fell in love with the sauce and the size of the wings were fantastic.  We ordered them every single Sunday like clockwork.

Flash forward to around June of 2010.  President Obama chose the Dick Rd. location to try out what Buffalo had to offer and the ‘Hottie with a smoking body’ news story was born.  After that, Ron and I never got an accurate order.  For seven straight months beforehand we ordered a double of wings (ten flats with Suicide, ten drums Hot) and they never got it wrong.  After the Obama visit, they couldn’t seem to get anything right.  Both of us adhere to routine, so we kept ordering for another month or so.  Then we gave up.

Every couple of months I get a hankering for their Suicide Sauce and fool myself into thinking that they’ve righted the ship.  They haven’t.  I ordered a double of wings this evening and asked for mostly flats Suicide Hot and Saucy.  I got home and found a single of wings Hot and a single of wings Suicide and they were all Extra Crispy.  Unbelievable.

Most popular franchises are at least consistently mediocre and that’s why they keep branching out.  Duff’s Wings can’t even pull that off.  Duff’s has gotten 100% of my orders wrong since mid-2010.  Not even one order has been correct.  As a bar reviewer for the Buffalo News since 2007, I’ve been conditioned to support local and avoid chains.  Here’s another experience to reinforce it.

Duff’s on Dick Road needs either new management or a staff that knows how to clean out their ears with Q-Tips before they take a phone order.  I’m done with that location, I’m done with their wings and I’m done with the entire franchise.  You’ve fucked up your last order with me.  In the short run, that doesn’t matter since they continue to fill the restaurant with tourists eager to walk in the footsteps of our current president.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that restaurant trends change, and some day people will just stop showing up.  That’s when you learn to depend on your regulars, and if you don’t take care of your regulars, you might as well close your doors.

I look forward to the day that Duff’s closes their doors in Cheektowaga.  They haven’t lifted a finger to go above or beyond and they haven’t even approached the bare minimum of competence where I’m concerned.  In a city full of places that cook chicken wings well along with restaurants that make things the same way every time and actually write an order down and cook it correctly every single time, they’re playing Russian Roulette with the company’s profits.

Buying my wings everywhere else from now on,

Tom Waters

Big Words Radio Episode 65: ‘Anal Bleaching Changed My Life’

While Big Words Radio is winding down for the big farewell in December and I continue to toil away on the autobiography, I find myself more and more nostalgic.  That being said, it was a once in a lifetime treat to have my best friend of over twenty years Ron and our mutual friend and former coworker Mansel on last night for one of the last four or five shows.  Here’s your synopsis:

 

Episode 65: ‘Anal Bleaching Changed My Life’

Tom and his two friends of over 20 years (Ron and Mansel) reminisce about old girlfriends, great asses, getting stoned out of their tree and how Mansel bagged his trophy substitute teacher before the altar.

 

To hear the show in all of its audio glory, click on over to:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

 

You can also listen to all 95 shows along with bonus clips and out takes at:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

 

And lest we forget that you can subscribe to the show on ‘the iTunes’ by searching ‘Big Words Radio’ and clicking on the show under the Comedy listing.

 

Greg Sterlace, Paula Wachowiak and Robb Nesbitt also made a surprise (albeit silent) appearance last night in the studio during the taping, so I’d like to thank them as well for showing up during the tail end of the program.

It’s been decided.  I’ll be holding a Finale show on Friday, December 2nd from 6-8 p.m. and rounding up as many former co-hosts as I can so that we can see the show out in style for a good old fashioned roast.  The site hits and downloads just aren’t what they used to be.  Most of you have tuned out, so it’s time for me to move on to something else.  After four years it depresses me that I have to shut down so soon, but it just doesn’t seem worth it anymore.  Despite this, I’ll be following the year out to its natural conclusion.

I’d like to take a moment to thank my producer Richard Wicka for seeing some sort of promise in me that I haven’t fulfilled.  The show got off on the right foot, but somewhere along the line I took things too far and never regained my composure.

I’d also like to thank Ron and Mansel for coming back into the fold before the show finished up.  It meant a lot to me to link back up with some old friends who have known me for so long.

Back in June of 2008 I tried to come up with a comedy show that was extreme.  Something that pushed the envelope and made people laugh uncomfortably and effortlessly.  I guess I tried to hard and that most of Buffalo didn’t get what I was trying to do or didn’t care.  Whatever the case, it’s over.  Four more months and then the fat lady sings.

 

Please tell a friend or share the link to the show so that we can end on a positive note.

 

Have a great week,

Tom

Epic Fail: Gamestop Steps On Their Dick For A Record 117th Time

Here’s another brilliant move from Gamestop Corporate in a long line of them:

 

http://techcrunch.com/2011/08/24/screw-you-gamestop/?icid=maing-grid10|htmlws-main-bb|dl20|sec1_lnk3|89472

 

Recipe for company extinction:

 

1.  Underpay your brick and mortar managers and then churn and burn them for no reason.

 

2.  Fire the managers who break District sales records because they make $10,000 more than your starting managers.

 

2.  Piss off your customer base, screw them on their trade-ins and then take $50 out of their pockets by opening a brand new PC game for fear that you might promote a competitors streaming download service.

 

3.  Keep expanding and opening new stores so that you can fudge your Profit & Loss statements every year for your stockholders.

 

When are you going to wise up, Buffalo?  Ban Gamestop.

 

That is all.

Tom Waters

Big Words Radio Episode 64 ‘Story Of My Flife’ w/ Greg Sterlace

Everything comes to an end eventually.  I spoke with my producer Richard Wicka last night after the studio show and my numbers for The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour are grim, so it looks like I’ll be closing the doors on the show by year’s end.  It saddens me to see my audience disappear, but that’s what’s happening.  The good news to that is that I’ll be doing a farewell show in December and I’m welcoming all of my co-hosts back for the opportunity to roast me one final time.  I’m lobbying Rich to see if we can work out a two hour or two episode show for the occasion.  If you’ve ever co-hosted the show, I encourage you to join me in the studio (or over the phone) one final time for a good lambasting.

Last night’s show was spectacular.  Here’s your synopsis:

 

Episode 64: ‘Story Of My Flife’

Returning guest of honor Greg Sterlace is on the receiving end of a whiskey-less Tom while co-host Timmy C goes for the extra point.

 

To hear the show in full audio quality, click here:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

 

To hear all 94 episodes of Big Words Radio along with the new show, click here:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

 

You can also subscribe to Big Words Radio for free by searching Big Words Radio on iTunes and clicking on the show listed under Comedy.

 

I’ve got about four more shows and then it’s light’s out on Big Words Radio.  I’m grateful for all of the celebrities, artists, musicians, adult film stars, writers and cartoonists who have brought something fresh to the show.  British journalist Joel Meadows will be calling in for my next studio show in October, so I have that to look forward to as well.

Please listen to the new show and spread the word.  I’m trying to go out on a high note.

 

Sincerely,

Tom Waters

Poke The Scorpion Publicity Junket Rescheduled For Late October

I try to follow my instincts, and my gut tells me that it’s a smarter idea to promote Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick during the actual Scorpio season, which runs from October 23rd through November 21st.  While the book is already out online, it makes more sense to promote it effectively during the boom season for the rest of my tribe, so to speak.  While I’m not superstitious and while I don’t cling to too many pat philosophies, there are too many parallels and far too many coincidences associated with the Scorpio sign that are worth giving tribute to.  The entire book is devoted to the Scorpio mentality along with scorpions as a species.
While my poetry collections make up a very small percentage of my overall revenue, the new book is still worth hitting the road and promoting.  Some people shut down instantaneously when you even mention the word poetry, so they’re not going to even be receptive.  Other people’s ears perk up at the notion of something new and innovative.  Others can be converted given the right circumstances.  That’s the market I’m going after.  It’s my wish to incorporate a few readings, signings and related events along with some old tricks that have worked in the past.  Mark McElligott will be joining me on the journey in Buffalo and beyond.  The Monsters Of Verse will get back into the habit this fall with a few coffee houses and a few bookstores.  I’m entertaining the idea of even doing some guest bartending stints just for the hell of it.
Breathing Room Volume I was wildly successful considering the miniscule hopes I had for it.  Volume II did just okay by comparison, but it was weirder, so that’s okay.  The few people who picked up the first batch of Scorpion books have called it ‘the best poetry book I’ve written so far.’  It may be my last.  Locking into that frame of mind is difficult to do, but I’d be happy to go out on a high note where poetry is concerned.
Please enjoy your summers and free up a few weekends in late October and November.  Poke The Scorpion will be hitting you where it hurts soon enough.  In the mean time, I’ll be crouched in a small dark place waiting to strike.  Like most scorpions.
Thanks for staying tuned,
Tom Waters

The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour Episode 63: ‘But We Digress’ & ‘Sh*t Show: The Bonus Round’

A decade ago I used to bust a gut listening to Opie & Anthony on FM Radio.  The shows I loved the most were the ones where they had a gaggle of other comedians on and they’d devote the entire program to just tearing into each other with their claws out while they offended the living shit out of everyone else.  There’s comedy and then there’s a comedian’s comedian.  I’ve strived my entire life to be the latter.  I think we pulled it off on this show and the bonus round was just a hot mess, but still fun to record.  Episode 63 could be the closest embodiment to what I’ve been trying to do with The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour in the entire four years that I’ve been doing it.  Here are your synopses:

 

Episode 63: ‘But We Digress’

 

Tom welcomes back Big Words Radio favorites Gun Nut Brendan along with Intentionally Bald Mike in the co-host hot seat.  The sparks fly when politics are brought up, everyone gets yelled at for setting their two-fisted drinks down on the table and things get really wrong really quick.

 

Sh*t Show: The Bonus Round

 

The gents get hillbilly drunk on Guinnei and cheap whiskey and keep the meter running while they run off at the mouth about politics.

 

You can listen this instant by clicking over to:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

 

You can also subscribe to the show for free if you want to see us keep going by logging in to your iTunes and choosing Big Words Radio under the Comedy listing in the podcast section.  Please tell a friend, listen in your car or post a link on your own FB page or web site.  This show needs all the help it can get during such a fabulous summer where most people don’t take the time to consider downloading new comedy on the go.  We had a really great time last night.  Shows that fun should be criminal.  Since Think Twice Radio was experiencing technical difficulties you can look forward to hearing a studio show toward the end of this month.  The guest is yet to be determined.  If this is possibly the last year for Big Words Radio I’m going out with a bang instead of a whimper.  Stay tuned.

 

Thanks,

Tom Waters

A Big Bag Of Fail: McKinley Mall Gamestop Gets It Wrong

http://www.examiner.com/video-games-in-buffalo/local-gamestop-customer-banned-from-store

Big Words Radio Turning Point

The fourth year for Big Words Radio could be the final one.

 

Downloads have been dropping steadily for the last two months.  I like to stay productive, but I don’t see a discernable benefit to putting so many man hours into punching up a prospectus, booking guests and slaving over the production, sound editing, intro and outro music and everything else involved with each show if the audience isn’t there.  This time last year the show was on a roll while it was nearing extinction on Mypodcast.com.  Roll the calendar forward by twelve months and we’re moving in the wrong direction.  I’m not quite sure what’s happening or where my crowd went where the radio show is concerned.  The books are selling better than they ever have.  Site hits here & everywhere else have been blowing up.  The new Twitterverse following is growing exponentially.  Big Words Radio is dying a slow death & it doesn’t make sense.  Like some hosts I could pretend that the show is better than ever, but I deal in facts and abide by honesty.

Here’s what’s going to happen: If I don’t see a marked increase in free subscriptions on iTunes or a spike in downloads on Mevio.com by the end of this summer, the show is over.  It’s that simple.  I’m not going to keep investing what little free time I have into trying to make people laugh with over the top outrageous comedy if you’re not down with the cause.  In for a penny, in for a pound.  Now’s the time to show me if you’re listening because if you’re not, I’m not doing it anymore.  I’ll pick up my toys and go home.

Maybe the podcasting boom has burst.  Maybe all of you are busy this summer (very probable).  Maybe my readers only have so much time that they’re willing to devote to waxing my ego.  I get that.  In case you haven’t noticed though, I deal in absolutes.  If the show isn’t growing, then it’s time to close the door.

My career as a writer is turning a very sharp corner this year in an incredibly positive way that I never imagined it would & it’s all happening this year at a lightning pace.  As a podcaster, not so much.  Half of my life is most likely over, so I’d like to make good use of the next half.  Please let me know how to invest my time wisely.

Some radio hosts and some writers can create without one person reading or listening.  I’m not that kind of person anymore.  I’ve got too many plates in the air to play by those rules.

If you want the show to go on, hop onto iTunes & subscribe to Big Words Radio in the podcast section under the ‘Comedy’ listing.  Download your ass off.  There are almost 92 hours of material that’s pretty damned funny.  It’s been a good run, but it might be time to hang up my hat and say farewell.

If you don’t have an iPod, surf on over to:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

Download 5 episodes.  Download 92 episodes.  Tell a friend.  Listen in your car.  Please spread the word.  It’s been real and it’s been fun, but this could be the tail end of it.

 

It’s up to you.

Tom Waters

Eulogy For Renie (Waters) Ormsby

At the heart of things we’re all selfish in how we deal with the death of someone we love and it seems like the people we really love always pass near a major holiday.  This has more to do with the fact that we have more major and minor holidays than not, but there’s something to that that bears further inspection.  Out of everyone in my family, I’ve always forgotten my father’s birthday.  You may think that makes me a bad son (and you could be right), but he’s been known to go into hiding and (in some cases) to skip town when we’ve ganged up and decided to celebrate it, so it’s no wonder I forget it like clockwork every year.  Thanks to Renie, I’ll never forget it again.  The sweet and wonderful people of the world who we’re kind enough or lucky enough to have with us for the short time that we spin around together on this planet almost always leave us on a day that matters for a very important reason: they’re worth remembering.

My aunt left this earthly plane on Monday, July 18th on my father’s birthday.  I suppose that’s a superstitious way of demonstrating just how close the Waters’ family is to each other.  Renie was a devoted, loving wife to Gene Ormsby, a mother who would do anything for her two kids Brad & Brenda, a caring sister to what most would consider to be a large number of brothers and sisters, a daughter who grew up to be the spitting image of her mother in appearance and by her deeds and she was a damned good aunt to boot.  She touched a great many lives and her positivity and her persistent smile will continue to live on in all of us who knew her.

My grandma Waters loved to cook, she loved to play cards and she never tired of her family.  Renie was a spitting image of her.  You only get one family, so you can’t take them for granted and they both realized that.  No one can dispute that Renie was an excellent cook whether it was pastries, pies, fudge or anything else that required time, care and diligence.  I challenge you to find a member of the Waters tribe that won’t pace themselves when it comes to preparing a meal.  We’re all big people because we have big hearts followed by big appetites.  Before I got married (in February of 2007 and 2008) I got to go down to Frostproof and visit with Renie, Jean and the rest of the family.  Renie’s home was stacked to the rafters with pretzels, fudge, enough pies to feed the entire trailer park and a random assortment of sweets and assorted snack treats.  Renie had enough room in her life to cook, eat, spend time with her family and enjoy all three to the best of her abilities.  Her fudge was amazing and there’s probably not one person in that community that hasn’t eaten and thoroughly enjoyed one of her pies.  She cornered the market.

Let’s rewind, though.  Renie and her husband Gene married at an age most would consider too soon these days (and perhaps even then).  He showed my mother Lynn the ring before he proposed and married her while she was still in high school because he was so in love with her.  You could see that love every day that they were together.  They were crazy for each other.  There’s a pivotal difference between loving someone and being in love.  Most of us fall in love with the person we marry and continue to love them in a way that’s more secure and guarded and safe.  Staying in love with someone is next to impossible but they did it.  When you’re in love, it’s all you can think about, you want to spend every second with the object of your affections and you count the moments that you’re with them as well as the moments until you get to see them again.  Renie & Gene were in love with each other for the entire time that they were together and no one can dispute that.  They’re a prototype for the kind of blissful union that rarely occurs and an inspiration for the rest of us who are married, occasionally miserable or those of us who have settled into our regularly scheduled ruts.  They were good to each other because they meant everything to each other.  It’s that simple.

The Hormsby’s were no strangers to us growing up down at Rushford in the summer during the ’80s and ’90s.  It wasn’t a surprise to see their RV come down the road on a random afternoon unscheduled while I was out swimming, playing or finding trouble.  Gene had almost a room full of Western pulp paperbacks stuffed into the trailer along with their usual assortment of sweets and snacks.  While my cousin Brad was tough on me most of the time, we managed to meet each other in the middle and play rough somehow.  He took a shine to one of the girls across the creek one summer and they had something that resembled puppy love (another variety).  I wasn’t as lucky when my parents dumped me off for a week at Renie and Gene’s and I ran into one of the neighbor girls (I think her name was Corrine).  I was crazy about her but nothing came of it.

The rest of the week I spent with Renie and Gene (’86) was mostly paradise.  Brad was a hellion to me when I first got there but Renie straightened him out.  I managed to avoid any sort of real work on the farm (avoiding real work is a talent I’ve always had) and befriended a goat in their stables.  It was a cute little thing and his quite, simple manner offset Brad’s mischievous ways when I needed a break.  I had Cool Ranch Doritos for the first time when I was with them and never forgot that fact.  I ate as much of the bag as I could and licked the coating off of my fingers with gusto.  Weeks after staying with them I asked Renie how the goat was doing.  She informed me that they killed the goat and ate it.  City mouse, meet Country mouse.  I’m lucky in that I have half of each inside of me thanks to the Waters’ family as well as my upbringing in both Rushford and Buffalo.  We can never forget our roots, and as I get older and more sentimental I’m also giving in to my hillbilly underpinnings and reverting to the family legacy that I deserve to carry on.  I listen to country and bluegrass music and I would rather be out in an open field enjoying the soft silence and a slower pace of life than racing around in the city impatiently where grass is partitioned off and people are rude to each other frequently.

I regret that I didn’t spend more time with Renie as I got older but I’m grateful that we reconnected before and during my marriage.  Renie and Gene would give family the shirt off their backs if need be and they often did.  The two of them offered generously to let my wife and I stay at their timeshare in Myrtle beach for our honeymoon and we accepted.  The airplane that was leaking gas onto the tarmac at the Buffalo Airport had other plans for us, though, so we flipped a coin and wound up spending a week at Lindsay’s parents’ cottage in Silvercreek overlooking Lake Erie.  She was heartbroken that we couldn’t go, but we had the time of our lives regardless.  We settled in like an old married couple and went out to breakfast every day and napped as often as we could, resting up from all of the pressure and nonsense that goes into getting married.  Most of my family loves my wife more than me and I can’t blame them.  I’m a miserable, cranky, cantankerous curmudgeon and she’s a beautiful, cheery, down to earth girl from Elma.  Renie and Gene took a shine to her instantly and she cared a lot about them, too.  Her death yesterday hit us both pretty hard and we’re sorry that we couldn’t be there for her.  Lamentably, I have a job that thrives on good weather and we’re in the middle of a long, steamy summer that’s much deserved for those of us who aren’t snowbirds.

I loved my Aunt Renie truly and dearly.  She was an amazing woman who touched all of us and we will never forget her.  Her pain is over now and the sad, selfish fact is that we must all go on without her.  Our memories keep her beautiful soul alive in all of us and her existence gives me hope that people are genuinely capable of being nice to each other, that relatives are capable of helping to shape their nephews and that True Love isn’t just a goal, it exists and it is indeed real.  She even gave me a parting gift on the way out the door: I’ll never forget my father Butch (or as she called him, Jimmy)’s birthday.  Thank you for everything you did and all of the lives you touched and all of the incredible food you cooked and baked and most of all for your unconditional love that I inherited just by being born into this family, Renie.  You had a wonderful life and I’m grateful that I was a part of it.

 

A nephew who doesn’t know the first thing about making a real pie crust,

Tom Waters

‘I Want To Be Oprah’

Rather by accident (and because I was glad that they were back), I wound up ‘acting’ in Paula Wachowiak’s new music video ‘I Want To Be Oprah’.  I’m not exactly gung ho on acting, but it was a non-speaking role & the work was easy.  All I had to do was be an asshole, so it wasn’t really acting at all.  You can view the completed video at:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUafzrMKZjE

 

Please click the link & comment accordingly!  Paula & Greg Sterlace did a great job along with Richard Wicka at Think Twice Radio.  I’m glad to have a film credit under my belt since I don’t have any intention of pursuing acting in the foreseeable future.  That’s one more check mark off the Bucket List.

 

Take care,

Tom Waters

Poke The Scorpion Book Giveaway Contest

This month I’ll be giving away three random signed copies of Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick.  What do you have to do to get it?

 

1. ‘Like’ Poke The Scorpion on FB by following this link:

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/poke-the-scorpion-with-a-sharp-stick-selected-poems-2008-2011/16130225?productTrackingContext=search_results/search_shelf/center/1

 

2. Rate the book on lulu.com.

 

3. Post a link on your Twitter, FB, Google + or any other website you may have.

 

4. Leave  a comment on this post.

 

5. Drop me an email at bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com with ‘Contest’ in the subject heading.

 

Final deadline is August 1st, 2011.  Whether you live in Buffalo or beyond, I’ll hold a random drawing at the end of July.  If you’re local I’ll hand you a copy at the first scheduled reading or signing for Poke The Scorpion in August.  If you live out of state or in another country, I’ll send you a signed copy out of pocket.  I’d like to launch this book with a bang and I need your help to do it!

 

Game on,

Tom Waters

‘Sweet Is The Smell Of Success’

After four long rewarding and exhausting months of promoting Mockery as well as Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind  in the newspapers, on the radio, on the web and in bookstores, coffee houses, bars and anywhere else that would have us, Mark McElligott and I have earned a much needed break for the rest of the summer.  Our little tour was tremendously successful despite spotty attendance, unusual time slots, double bookings (in two separate cases) and other Spinal-Tap-esque occurances.  Mockery is on track to outsell every book I’ve released so far and it’s been selling faster than any book I’ve sold so far.  My wife remarks that every book looks better and tighter than the last.

Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick will be fun to promote, but it’s going to be more of a Travelling Wilburys deal: getting together with old friends and just having a good time for the sake of it rather than running full steam ahead to make money.  I’ve decided to wait until September for any serious promotions but I may pop up in a few unusual places in August.  I was asked to be a celebrity bartender for the third week in August and I may accept.  Mark and I have already booked a convention show at the Marriott in October.  Aside from that, I’m at ease for the next month and a half.  I’ve never traditionally enjoyed promoting books in public settings but this time around was different.  Mark McElligott was a true joy to partner with and we had more laughs than I ever would have expected.  I think that carries through on the live concerts that we decided to post on Big Words Radio.

Brennan’s Bowery Bar was a smash hit last night.  We had a solid turnout and it’s the first reading I’ve ever had where the average book sale was three different copies.  We made a boatload of cash and I’m grateful for every penny we made.  Thanks are in order to Dave Shatzel, Eve Barbour, Jen O’Hare, Lynn O’Hare, Eve Barbour, Nicole Cook, Fred Peterson, Joshua Hanzlion, Jeff Collins and everyone else who turned out last night.  It was the best way to end a long and winding promotion and we’re going to head back to Brennan’s in the fall for the same deal.

As for the rest of the Mockery & Random Thoughts junket, thanks are in order, so here goes: Eve Barbour, Brian Platter, Stephanie Rhinehart, Ryan Miller, Jennifer Lysiak of Metro Source, Jolene Zanghi from Bee Group Newspapers, Brian Kahle, RD Pohl from the Buffalo News, Geoff Kelly from ArtVoice, Dee’s Firehouse, Don and Jon from Don’s Atomic Comics, Maryan’s, Nance Gardner Lang, the Lancaster Public Library, Dog Ears Bookstore in South Buffalo, Jonathan from Talking Leaves, Christy from Rust Belt Books, Tom and the rest of the gang at Finnan’s, Dave Waters, Dave Lopian, Duane Muth, Stockman’s Tavern and every single one of you who were kind enough to come out and see us.  It’s been a long strange trip and this tour of duty is finally over.

This autumn will be a whole different animal.  Mark McElligott will be joining me for some of the promotions while Dave Waters and JR Finlayson will be partnering up for others.  We’re setting our sights for larger territory and we won’t stop at any state line either.  We’re well equipped to take Buffalo by storm all over again and we’re popping out to Rochester, Alfred, Philadelphia, NYC and possibly Charlotte, NC if a few free plane tickets come our way.  This year has been an incredible turning point so far and the last ten are truly starting to pay off exponentially.

 

Thanks for being a part of it,

Tom Waters

Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick: 30% Off Soft Launch Orders!

Here we go again…

It’s July 1st and (as promised), I’m proud to announce the heavily discounted soft launch of Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick, my third collection of angry, funny and oversexed poetry.  While I wouldn’t say that this go round is tamer than Breathing Room Volume I and II, it is softer somehow.  I wrote the bulk of the book right before and right after my wedding, so there’s a soft sense of acceptance and inner peaceto the body of work that sets it apart from the other two books.  I’m very proud of the collection for the leap forward in originality as well as the design and the format.  For those of you willing to take a chance on something different, you won’t be disappointed.  From now until August (when I plan on promoting the book in Buffalo), Scorpion will be 30% off if you buy direct on lulu.com.  Here’s your quick link:

 

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/poke-the-scorpion-with-a-sharp-stick-selected-poems-2008-2011/16130225

 

After four solid months of interviews, press releases, and appearances for Mockery, I’m ready for a break.  Mark McElligott, Dave ‘The Real Deal’ Waters and I have one more outing at Brennan’s Bowery Bar next Sunday (The Brennan’s Boxed Trifecta) on Sunday, July 10th at 6 p.m. and then I’ve got a month off before we kick back into high gear.  I’ve never felt that summer was a good time to promote because there are too many other events going on to compete with, so we’ll be resting up and waiting out the season before we get right back into it this fall.

For those of you who helped to make Mockery my fastest-selling book, thank you.  It’s on target to be my best-selling humor collection to date by year’s end.  There’s a momentum to all of this that seems to be catching up to me this year in a good way.  Hopefully most of you will make the leap of faith over to Scorpion and join me for the second half of this year.  Things are only going to get better from here on out.  There’s a lot left to accomplish.

Enjoy your 4th of July and buy my new damned book!

Tom Waters

Tom Tweets!

For those of you interested in following me on Twitter, my profile name is (you guessed it) ‘tomfoolery4′.  Here’s a quick link to make it easier for everyone, too:

 

http://twitter.com/#!/tomfoolery4

 

I’m committing to one post a day until further notice.  I don’t see what all the fuss is about, but it’s another form of free media that we can all dogpile onto en masse.  With luck, I’ll have an ongoing project up on YouTube by the end of the summer.  More on that if and when it happens…

 

‘Scorpion’ Rising, Icarus Ascends & Rust Belt Books On The Horizon

While Mockery is winding down and Mark McElligott’s Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind is still gaining momentum, I’ve been quietly preparing to go full steam ahead with promotions this fall with Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick.  Brian Platter (Six Shot Studios) and I finished the book in record time.  While I originally set a deadline for the final version of the book at August 1st, it’s already done.  You can buy the book in advance by clicking your way over to:

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/poke-the-scorpion-with-a-sharp-stick-selected-poems-2008-2011/16069791

Please click the FB ‘Like’ tab to the right of the book and feel free to review, comment or rate the book while you’re there.  There’s a ten page preview of the contents on the page in order to give you a sneak peek at how the book looks.

Starting on July 1st (through the end of the month), I’ll be running a 30% off sale on lulu for those of you interested in buying the book online.  This should offset their shipping rates and make the book more affordable to those of you who live out of state who are interested in picking up the third poetry collection.  After that I’ll be doing a soft launch on Sunday, July 10th at Brennan’s Bowery Bar in Williamsville at 6 p.m. along with Mark McElligott and a live musical performance by Dave ‘The Real Deal’ Waters.  If you’re a former classmate from Clarence High School, it sounds as if the classes of ’92, ’93, ’94 and beyond will be dog piling into Brennan’s on the same day for an informal reunion.  At last count, there will be no less than 50 other alumni showing up, so this event is shaping up to be a real barn burner.  Signed First Edition copies of Poke The Scorpion, Mockery, Slapstick & Superego, Breathing Room Volume I & II, and If They Can’t Take A Joke will be available along with Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind by Mark McElligott and 12 Priests & 3 Gnomes by David Waters.

The hard launch for Poke The Scorpion will hit in August and Mark and I will start touring and promoting in Rochester, Buffalo, Alfred and beyond.  While I was apprehensive about releasing two of my own books in the same year, it was a necessary evil I had to carry out in order to devote the time and energy it’s going to take to bring Icarus On The Mend in on time for a fall 2012 launch as a numbered hardcover limited edition of no more than 50 copies.  I’ll be devoting at least six months to proofreading, editing and re-writing the manuscript so that it’s grammatically correct as well as entertaining from a pacing standpoint.  One year later in 2013 I’ll be retiring the hardcover format and launching two smaller volumes of the same book with the intention of releasing a third volume when I get older.  Somewhere in the interim I’ll release Travesty, a return to shorter form where my bombastic essays are concerned.

Mark McElligott and I will both be reading this Sunday at Rust Belt Books on Allen St. in the heart of downtown Buffalo at 5 p.m.  We may be a little late, so please be patient with us as we’re both driving from the suburbs.  We’re paying to rent the space, so attendance and book sales for this event will be crucial.  The turnout will determine whether I go back to Rust Belt books or not, so if you live downtown, make Sunday count for us please.  This is the first reading I’ve done at Rust Belt in almost a decade.  Mark is polished and primed and almost pitch perfect where his timing and delivery are concerned.  Stockman’s, Caz Coffee and Finnan’s were good practice for breaking his teeth on audience response and now he’s ready for prime time.  Look out, Buffalo, because we’re ready to make a sizeable entertainment dent in the collective populace for the rest of this year and we won’t stop until we win you over.

See you this Sunday,

Tom Waters

Doubt It Publishing Logo

Big Words Radio Episode 62: Auto Erotic Ass Pixelation (w/Brian Kahle)

On the playback, I felt that last night’s show with Brian Kahle couldn’t have been any more perfect.  Brian was charming, funny and well-spoken.  John Kindelan was funny, engaging when it was called for and well-spoken.  It was just the right blend of offensiveness, revealing answers and intelligent responses.  If every show was like this one, I’d do it a hell of a lot more often.  I made a conscious decision a year ago to devote one calendar year on the show to booking guests that I had an existing rapport with versus landing national celebrities and wound up somewhere in the middle.  The proof is in the pudding right here.  Here’s your synopsis for Episode 62:

 

Episode 62: Auto Erotic Ass-Pixelation

Tom settles in for a bucket of scotch while he trades industry stories with Buffalo icon Brian Kahle (Magic Marketing) and co-host John Kindelan (theboompage.com).  The boys discuss mustaches, helipads and their enormous financial largesse.

 

To hear the show, click here:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

 

You can also hear the new show (along with every previous episode and bonus clip) here:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

 

I applaud Brian Kahle for his frank and candid discussion as well as his career as a whole.  For a Buffalonian, I couldn’t have any more respect for him as a person.  It was a genuine thrill to be in the same room with two of the biggest marketing influences of my lifetime (Brian and Richard Wicka).  Thanks to both for making this show happen.  Thanks are also in order to John Kindelan for taking the time out to co-host.  He did a bang-up job of rolling with the punches.

I’ve got some entertaining things planned for the next two shows that should prove to be fun for listeners.  You’ll find out more in July.

Thanks for tuning in,

Tom Waters

Final Wraparound Art For Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick

Cheers & Jeers: Events As They Develop

Okay, here’s the rundown for this particular week…

 

Doubt It Publishing Author Mark McElligott will be reading selections from his breakout debut book Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind  this Saturday at Caz Coffee Café at 7 p.m. in South Buffalo.  Our turnout was less than ideal at Finnan’s Pub last Sunday, so it would be really nice to see some of you who might be remotely interested in supporting local arts actually show up.  While we both realize that the weather is nice out, we’re in the final stretch of a three month junket and we’re busting our asses to get his book out to a new audience.  If you live in (or near) South Buffalo and you’re free on Saturday, please show some support and stop out to see us at Caz Coffee Café.

Most marketing and PR experts would suggest that I shouldn’t complain about a lack of turnout because it makes me look whiny or it makes us look bad.  I simply don’t care.  Mark and I have both invested a great deal of time and money into publishing two books and promoting them and it seems as if (now that the weather has improved) most of you have no interest in discovering just how funny his book is.  Please prove me wrong.  Clear up your schedule, skip a forgettable trip to the beach or a laughable summer venue and come out to see something real.  If you’re the sort of person who needs a newspaper to tell you what you should be interested in or what you should spend your disposable income on, take a chance for once and discover the actual art scene in Buffalo versus the Reader’s Digest abridged version.  Copies of Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind will be available for $15.

On the whole I’ve been deeply disappointed with audience turnout for this junket.  I have no control over it and there’s no way to analyze it, but many of you have let us down.  It’s easier to do nothing than it is to do something, so take comfort in your complacency.  To those of you who continue to show up for the book launches, readings and signings and those of you kind enough to tell your friends, spend money at our scheduled venues and spend your hard earned money to support our work, we really appreciate it.  If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t be able to continue creating and publishing new books.  If there were more people like you in Buffalo, there’s a strong possibility that we’d actually be able to make a living wage doing this and we’d be able to produce a larger body of work, but odds are that that will never happen since most people in Buffalo (again) need to be told what art is worth buying by their local media like lost and sluggish sheep.

I appreciate the cross section of you smart enough to make your own decisions and the fact that you march to the beat of your own drummer.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for making your own informed decisions based on internal judgment instead of a deep-seated need for peer approval or a desire to have someone else tell you what is and isn’t entertaining.  If you receive this message via email, I understand that it’s infinitely easier to delete this message than it is to take the time to read it and react or respond to it, so for those of you who are reading this right now, thank you.  To those of you who reply or react by showing up to a reading, thank you even more.  I’ll get off my soap box now.

At the time of this writing it is now June 9th, so the Doubt It Publishing call for submissions is now wide open until November 1st.  Again, if you’re a local (Buffalo) writer and you have a completed manuscript or a draft in the realm of fiction, non-fiction, poetry or short stories, please send your manuscript in at: bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com.  One of you will be chosen for publication in 2011 and I’ll give you the full force of my attention and publicity skills to ensure that we both turn a tidy profit on your brain trust in addition to setting up a slate of appearances and book signings.  If you’re willing to put in the work, so am I.

Thanks in large part to graphic designer extraordinaire Brian Platter (Six Shot Studios), Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick is coming along at a brisk pace.  The book should be available by August 1st at the rate we’re going, but I won’t count my chickens yet.  The format size is being developed so that it bridges Breathing Room Volume I and II.  The size of the book will be somewhere in between both, which says a lot about the content.  The cover looks gorgeous and I couldn’t be happier with the bold design choices that Brian has made for the interior.  For those of you daring enough to jump head first into a poetry book, you’re in for a pleasant surprise this fall.  JR Finlayson, David Waters and a host of other local poets and I will be touring throughout Buffalo after the festival and concert season in autumn to promote the book as well as other books.

This Sunday I’ll be returning to Think Twice Radio to interview broadcasting icon Brian Kahle for The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour along with local artist and blogger John Kindelan.  We’ll be talking about censorship, the line that’s blurred between advertising an investigative journalism and the current state of Buffalo broadcasting.  The conversation will be bold and uncompromising, but I’m sure you’ve come to expect that from me.  Your frequent (and often vocal) encouragement has molded me into the person I am today.

These are exciting times.  While my pace may be brisk and my candor unforgiving, it’s all because I’m building the framework for a larger plan.  The first ten years of my professional career as a writer are over.  I’m headlong into the next ten and the scope and landscape of a grander design is well underway.  For those of you willing to participate and play along, I’m eternally grateful.  As for the rest of you, you’re missing out on something very real and extremely fun.

 

Race you to next week,

Tom Waters

Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick Cover Art

Two New Big Words Episodes Live From Stockman’s

More news later in the week, but for now here are two new live performances for Big Words Radio.  It took awhile to work on the audio for these, but here are your synopses:

 

‘For Real: Mockery Live At Maryan’s’

Tom returns to Stockman’s Tavern (where he recorded and thoroughly enjoyed his bachelor party in 2008) for an evening of comedy and music.

 

To hear the show, click here:

http://www.mevio.com/episode/283569/for-real-mockery-live-at-stockman-s

 

‘Is That A Frampton Reference?  Dave Waters Live At Stockman’s’

Dave Waters regales an indifferent and easily offended crowd at Stockman’s Tavern.

 

To hear the show, click here:

http://www.mevio.com/episode/283568/is-that-a-frampton-reference-dave-waters

 

‘Stockman’s’ was misspelled in the synopsis as ‘Stockan’s', so we all have my wireless keyboard to thank for that.  Sorry, Stockman’s!

The last episode (‘My Balloon Know Will Stay Firmly Tied’) went straight to the top of the download charts with over 600 downloads in two days!  Please keep up the great work and keep listening!  I hope you enjoy the new shows and I’ll be recording a new studio show this Sunday with broadcasting giant Brian Kahle.

More on everything later this week.  I’m in a hurry, so I’ll talk to you all soon.

Thanks,

Tom Waters

Banned In Buffalo: The Greg Sterlace Show Pulled From Time Warner Cable

Last Saturday, I appeared on a television show for public access on Time Warner.  The regular host of the show decided to pull it before it even aired.  His decision came a little bit too late as the show was already slated for a Wednesday slot in the suburbs of Buffalo.  Fearing doom and a perceived threat of legal reprisal (and a Republican outcry?), he pulled any future airings of the show and banned it from inclusion on an accompanying web site.  After one broadcast, the show elicited a positive response from a viewer.

Four years ago (when I started my radio show), I had two goals in mind: making the program more outrageous than my writing and making the show different than my essays.  It’s safe to say that I accomplished that.  Thanks to industry pioneers like Don Rickles, Lenny Bruce and Andrew Dice Clay, I found amusement in a comedic technique where ad-libbing and outrageousness are used as tools for extracting the maximum amount of laughter.  This brand of humor has paid off.  I went into this show last Saturday with the intent of making an audience cringe and forcing people out of their usual malaise by either shocking them or making them laugh because of the outlandishly ridiculous comments that I made.  We’ll never know what the widespread outcome of that show will be.

I’ve spent my entire life trying to make people laugh.  Put the books aside and throw the radio show and the television shows out the window, because at the end of the day, that’s all I want: to make people laugh.  Everyone involved with the show watched it right after we taped and laughed their asses off.  The producer of the show (who was laughing right along with everyone else) saw fit to warn the usual host of the show (even though a different person’s name is in the title) about the possible offensiveness of my remarks.  Without even seeing the show, this man axed the entire program.

I’ve also spent the last twenty years defending free speech from high school newspapers to national policy and everywhere in between.  What makes me so dangerous is that I know exactly what I can and can’t get away with.  If there was anything to be worried about from this show, the burden probably would have fallen squarely on my shoulders.  The regular host was advised that he was in no legal trouble, but he killed the show anyway.

I will not (nor will I ever) compromise my comedy or my artistic integrity.  Because of this, I informed both hosts (the one that interviewed me and the one who has legal rights to the show) that I will never appear on their production again.  That’s it.  The fact that two people who have a reputation for being outrageous would draw a line in the sand dictating how far they’re willing to go when it comes to being outrageous is pathetic.  When it comes to free speech, there isn’t one person in this equation noble or entitled enough to appoint themselves judge, jury and executioner.

There are two hard and fast rules when it comes to broadcasting from a legal standpoint: Do Not attempt to incite a riot and Do Not promise harm to a person or recognizable entity.  If you do one or both of those things you’re asking for legal problems.  I did neither last Saturday and assumed that this production wanted more viewers along with some healthy buzz.  Apparently they’re happy just to stay with their safe form of outrageousness and their near non-existent audience.

You can play it safe when you write for a newspaper, host a television show or a radio show or create any kind of art in Buffalo.  Just don’t expect me to be a part of it.   At the end of the day, I’ll still be doing what I’ve always done: Trying to make the greatest amount of people laugh by offending some of them and making the rest of them think about the material.  I respect my audience enough to know that they’re intelligent enough to determine that my personality isn’t identical to who I really am in real life.  It’s a shame that some other people don’t respect their audience enough to formulate the same opinion.

I don’t agree (or condone) anything that I discussed last week, but I’ll defend anyone’s right to say it on a public broadcast tooth and nail.  I lost a large shred of dignity where this show was concerned in the course of twenty four hours.  Someone once said that if you piss somebody off, then it proves you stand for something.  By extension of that logic, you’re a coward if you spend your life reacting out of the fear that you may piss someone off.  I can still live with myself at the end of the day.  I wonder if they’ll be able to.  Censorship is for cowards who refuse to stand up for what they believe in.  They can continue cringing in a corner and self-editing their art while I keep pushing the limits of what I can get away with and gaining a larger readership (or viewership) at the same time.  Controversy equals more publicity, but you probably already know that.  There I go assuming that anyone reading this is marginally intelligent again.

 

Deeply disappointed,

Tom Waters

A Few Acres Of Ground To Cover: New Books, New Shows & A Reality Check

What a productive week!  After telling multiple newspapers that I had no intention of writing an essay collection ever again, I found a way to write another essay collection: make it fun again.

Unlike any book I’ve written to date, it started with the title: Travesty.  My goal is to make every piece live up to the title of the book and to make sure that every single rant is shorter, funnier and more offensive than anything I’ve written to date.  I also set a few ground rules: nothing longer than three pages, every rant has to be written in one sitting and I can’t cover a topic I’ve covered so far.  I started last week with one rant about the supposed Rapture and haven’t stopped.  One third of the book is already done.  The only problem is that I have no idea when to release it.  Doubt It Publishing has a full dance card for the next two years, so I may have to piggyback it with the numbered hardcover release for Icarus On The Mend in the fall of 2012 and I’m leaning strongly towards that.

Pre-production on Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick (my third collection of poetry) is progressing at a rate that’s astonishing and well ahead of schedule.  Brian Platter (the graphic designer behind Six Shot Studios) has taken the bull by the horns and he’s tackled the book head on with a bold look, some daring choices for the title and content fonts and a beautiful presentation where the headers and footers are concerned.  For those of you who were trusting enough to make the leap along with me where Breathing Room Volume I and II were concerned, you won’t be disappointed.

The content has evolved since the original two poetry books to the point where I’m no longer aping my own heroes and I’ve developed my own voice where poems are concerned.  While it’s not necessarily a jumping off point, it is a progression, so we’re working overtime to create a size format that bridges the jump between Breathing Room Volume I and II.  If you buy this book this fall, you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the growth.  Two major national literary magazines (The Chiron Review and Chronogram) have already gotten on board with three different poems that they’ll be publishing in short order.

I devoted a week to submitting the content to the top poetry trades in the country along with putting the final touches on the manuscript and it’s already paying off.  While poetry books don’t pay off as well as my rant collections, it’s a labor of love and something I would do whether I turned a profit or not.  This new book means a lot to me and Six Shot Studios is doing a spectacular job on the appearance.  Expect the specialty format this fall by the time Mark McElligott and I get very serious about touring on a regional scale.

Last night I reconnected with two dear friends in person for the first time in three years: Greg Sterlace and Paula Wachoviak (sp?).  Greg and Paula are back in town for a limited time and he’s taken back the reins for The Greg Sterlace Show, his wildly popular Time Warner program spanning back over the last ten years.  The results of the show taping were horrific and hilarious at the same time.  For those of you who catch it on TV, it’s the epitome of cringe comedy.  I’ll have a link for you in a week or two, but in the mean time, here’s a sneak preview of a small percentage of the wrongness at play here on the Mr. Ski Mask show that Mark McElligott and I taped almost a month ago.  Click your way over to:

http://sterlace.com/episodes/index.php/2011/04/the-greg-sterlace-show-832

And finally, there are two new belated episodes of The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour available online as well as for free on iTunes.  Almost a month after the actual in-store event (I had to pick up a new SD Card Reader), I hammered out the content and edited it for full-scale enjoyment this morning and posted these two abominations.  Here are your links and synopses:

Episode 61: ‘My balloon knot will stay firmly tied’

Tom kicks off a comic book promotion at Don’s Atomic Comices with a star studded cast of special guests including Carrie & Ron Gardner, Monster Matt, Terry Kimmel, John Kindelan, Michael Hoffert Jr. and Brian Platter.  Newcomer Brian Bogucki gets blindsided while Mark McElligott rolls with the punches.

To hear the show online click on the link below:

http://www.mevio.com/episode/282800/episode-61-my-balloon-knot-will-stay

Tom’s Atomic Bonus Round: ‘Parting Words’

Tom closes out an evening of hilarity and insanity by getting a few more cheap shots in at Terry Kimmel’s expense and dropping a few promotional plugs for once.

To hear the show online click on the link below:

http://www.mevio.com/episode/282797/tom-s-atomic-bonus-round-parting-words

-You can also conveniently subscribe to the show for free on iTunes by searching ‘Big Words Radio’ under the Podcast section as well as the Comedy listing.  The Literature category is a dead link that is no longer active, so please subscribe and the entire library will be at your command!

May was a horrible month for the show in terms of downloads and requests, so I implore you to visit the sites or subscribe to the show.  Without a noticeable increase in traffic I see no reason to keep devoting so much time to working on pre-show prep, research, questions, guests, recording time, production and posting time.  If you enjoy the show, please tell your friends, spread the word and download at will.  Big Words Radio has been booming since September of 2010 and it’s crushing to see the latest numbers.  For a show production that costs me so much in man hours without collecting any monetary revenue, I could really use your help.  Download, listen and tell your friends.  Unlike some other podcast hosts, I don’t cook my numbers.  Despite some recent turbulence that has zero bearing on this month’s numbers, I would really appreciate your ears (and your feedback) on the show.  I’ve spent four years slaving away on a free hobby and it would mean a lot to me if you pitched in and clicked a link or shared the show with the people you know.  All I ask for is a spreading contagion on my stats by the end of June.  Please help me out.

Mockery is selling better and faster than any book that preceded it, so thank you so much for that.  Every appearance has been positive and the book is breaking down barriers heretofore unheard of.  You have no idea how grateful I am for all of the people who have come on board and spread the word about my work and my book.

Three people in the same week commented or asked about the level of my output lately (a lot) and I wish I had an answer for all of you.   I’m in a good place.   The big picture is clicking comfortably into a lifestyle that leads me to bigger and better things along with the ability to write more and publish more often.  Things will only get better from here.  Doubt It Publishing is not a short term subsidy house or a slash and burn print on demand concept, it’s quickly becoming a reality.  I’m going to have to make a hard decision in November when it comes around to picking a new Author Of The Year to work with.

At the risk of sounding insincere or faux-humble, here’s what’s always guided and informed me: William Carlos Williams.  He was a popular poet, a family man and a practicing physician.  After a full overtime shift and an appropriate amount of time eating dinner and tucking his kids into bed and spending time with his wife, he added some hours to his waking existence to writing poems.  I’m an artist from Buffalo.  This is the only option that any of us have for expressing ourselves.  If your work means that much to you, make the time for it.  That’s it.  None of us are busier than William Carlos Williams was, so what’s your excuse?  If what you have to say and want to say is important, you’ll find a way to express it and make the time to do it above and beyond every other responsibility that you have.

I’m nobody special.  Writing is the way that I cope with a world that I can’t grasp or deal with without figuring it out on paper.  None of us are heroes or gods or legends and the majority of us do it because we need to.  Otherwise we’d lose our minds without the outlet.  All of this is work.  All of this is important and vital and crucial to me.  Whether it’s a mountain or a mole hill, this is what keeps me relatively sane.

Thank you so much for making it a lucrative side business.  In another ten years, I hope to make it a career.  Please help me work towards it.

Keeping busy,

Tom Waters

Back On The Horse: Call For Submissions & Two Important Promotions This Week

As previously stated, Doubt It Publishing is rolling forward in June with this year’s round of submissions for our 2012 Author Of The Year.  From June 1st through November 1st I’ll be reviewing full length manuscript submissions for fiction, nonfiction and poetry.  Doubt It Publishing is looking for: humor, horror, short stories, self-help, memoirs, essays, rants, poetry and suspense. If your book is gripping and engaging I want to see it!  Send either a query, sample chapters or full manuscript to: bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com.

There is no reading fee or entry fee of any kind.  The only criteria is that you must reside in the Buffalo area and possess a talent for writing along with a willingness to work hard promoting your book when it comes out next year.  As 2011 Author Mark McElligott knows, marketing and campaigning for his book (Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind) is every bit as important as writing it.  You can review the Author Agreement details at http://www.doubtitpublishing.blogspot.com or by joining the open Doubt It Publishing group on Facebook.  If you know someone who’s working on a book, please pass the word along.  Again, I am only picking (and working with) one author per year so that I can give them my undivided attention as well as the full brunt of my networking, marketing and media experience.  If you have any additional questions, feel free to email me at: bigwordsmalbag@yahoo.com.

Getting back to Mark McElligott, he chose to promote alongside me shortly after I launched Mockery, so while I’m starting to wind down on appearances for my book he’ll be taking the baton and running with it in the coming months.  This Thursday I’ll be reading and signing at Talking Leaves Books on 3158 Main St. from 7 p.m. (SHARP!) to 8 p.m.  Talking Leaves is another venue very close to my heart because it’s local, I’ve done a promotion there for almost every book for the last decade and it’s a great store.  Somehow Jonathan has a knack for stocking the ONE Bukowski book that I don’t own every time I visit.  If you like poetry, they’ve got one of the largest selections in the tri-state area and they feature a comprehensive and diverse selection of local authors.

This Saturday, Mark McElligott and I will both be reading at Stockman’s Tavern on 9870 Transit Rd. in Swormville (between Amherst and Lockport) from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m.  Stockman’s is a great bar with a great crowd, so please mark your calendar and make the time to come out and join us.  This will be Mark’s first full-length reading, so please join me in welcoming him and his incredibly funny new book Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind.  Copies of Mockery and Random Thoughts will be limited, so either show up early or buy both on http://lulu.com  for the low low price of $15.

I’ll see you out on the town this week.  Ladies and gentleman, start your submissions!

Thanks,

Tom Waters

Elston Takes The Gold, Mockery Sells Through & A Few Surprise Books Launching…

The ArtVoice 2011 Best Of Buffalo Awards came and went and Jon Elston (the resident playwright for the Road Less Travelled Theater Company) won for Best Writer.  To be honest, there’s no one I’d rather lose to.  Jon’s a talented and prolific writer in addition to being a great guy and we’ve known each other too long to let something as petty as an awards show get in the way of our friendship.  Congratulations are long overdue for Jon and his accolades are well deserved.  I suppose I’ll just have to campaign harder and start earlier next year when it comes to AV’s poll process.

On to more pressing business and the importance of timing, though.  A funny thing happened on the way to the Caz Coffee reading: I checked my inventory and somehow I’ve gotten down to two remaining copies of Mockery.  The book has performed so well for the initial slate of launch events that my first payload is depleted.  The book is doing very well and it’s selling a lot faster than I expected, surpassing the break even mark (recouping production and design costs) and far exceeding it.  More copies are on order and they’ll be in stock in time for the Talking Leaves Main reading next Thursday (7 p.m.) as well as the reading and signing at Stockman’s Tavern with Mark McElligott on the 21st (7 p.m.).  If you want or need a copy before then, you can pick one up at either Talking Leaves location or order direct from my distributor at http://www.lulu.com.

As far as book releases go, I’ve always tried to release no more than one of my own books for year.  That policy is changing.  With the amount of people who have voiced their interest in the autobiography (Icarus On The Mend), there’s another side project that’s been scooted front and center in order for me to release an Icarus limited-run numbered hardcover in the fall of 2012 (50 copies) followed by a two volume trade paperback launch in 2013.  The manuscript for the memoirs is massive, and it’ll take no less than six months to proof, edit and revise.  After promoting Mockery and doing some light piggyback promotions in the fall with Mark McElligott, I’ll be blocking out some time to dig my heels in and get the work done.

This week I finalized the structure and the basic manuscript for Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick, my third book of poems.  Unlike Breathing Room Volume I and II, it’s a step in a different direction: an original one.  While both Breathing Rooms were an homage to the people who inspired me to write poetry (Charles Bukowski, e.e. cummings, Rosemary Koethe and Tracy Zullo, respectively), Scorpion shows evidence of an emerging, original voice.  Like any writer (and much in the same manner in which I started out writing essays), I aped my favorites.

The wake of that process has a momentum of its own, and the result is an amalgamation of some standard tricks along with quite a few new ones.  The Breathing Room  books were never blockbusters in terms of sales, but the content was important to me, and they’ve sold slowly and steadily enough to warrant a third collection.  The response I’ve gotten from those of you who enjoy poetry as well as those of you brave enough to try something new has been overwhelmingly positive encouraging.

The only speed bump in working on the layout was dealing with comments from many of you that Volume I: Free Verse was the best book I’ve ever written.  How in the hell do you top a comment like that?  With hard work, frequent revisions and a liberal dose of elbow grease.  Much like the pre-production on Mockery, I’ve gone out of my way to creative a cohesive, seamless book that can be read in one sitting.  Anything that didn’t feel right got tossed and anything written after the initial draft that felt like it belonged alongside the source material was added.  I hope that you’ll be pleased with the results.  Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick is slated for a September release this year.  I’ve already got an artist working on the cover art (mixed media) and Brian Platter from Six Shot Studios will be working on the interior design and cover layout.  More details as we get closer to the launch.

Meanwhile Mr. Mark McElligott is doing quite well with his Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind.  His debut collection of rants broke even the week it came out (within two days of sales) and the word of mouth on how funny the book is has been generating a lot of referral sales.  While my humor leans towards the universal, sarcastic and psychotic, his headspace is a lot more user friendly.  Mark’s manuscript won me over with his unique voice, his left-field observations and his bravery in the face of self-deprecation.  It’s paying off.  Doubt It Publishing’s first release from a single author is a hit.  The book will continue to reach new heights (and sales records) once we actually begin promoting it next Saturday at Stockman’s.

And finally, I’d like to work a plug in for an old friend and comrade.  JR Finlayson (whom you may remember from the Monsters Of Verse) has released Multiples Of Eleven, his first full-length collection of poems for the clever price of $11.11.  To buy a copy of the book, click on over to:

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/multiples-of-eleven/15597052?productTrackingContext=search_results/search_shelf/center/1

With one new poetry book out and another one on the way could there be a Monsters Of Verse revival?

I certainly wouldn’t rule it out.

Have a great week and I’ll keep you posted,

Tom Waters

ArtVoice’s 2011 Best Of Buffalo Nominations/Mockery Promotions Thus Far…

After a turbulent week of surprises, promotions and nominations, it’ll be nice to relax for a few days.  The first month of promotions for Mockery is over leaving three months and change for the rest of the scheduled readings and signings.

The Lancaster Public Library reading went off without a hitch and even though the Sabres were busy losing the playoffs, we still had a great turnout with plenty of books sold.  Fellow Monsters Of Verse alumni JR Finlayson made a surprise appearance and read a few selections from his upcoming book Multiples Of Eleven (due out soon).  The evening took an unexpected turn when a few members of the crowd requested (and encouraged) a few passages about manic depression, so I read a piece from First Person, Last Straw along with some of the Jekkyl & Hyde poems from both Breathing Rooms.  Thanks to everyone who attended for making it such an intimate and interesting evening.  I’ll definitely keep the Lancaster Library in mind should Mark McElligott and I decide to promote locally in the fall.

On the same day, Minnesota podcasting great Gary Holdsteady and I recorded Episode 60 of The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour.

You can listen to the show by clicking here:

http://www.mevio.com/episode/278282/episode-60-i-was-hoping-to-get

-Or (as always) you can subscribe to the show for free in the podcast section of iTunes under the ‘Comedy’ category.

Gary and I have been great friends for years and this was one of the few episodes where I didn’t work off of notes or pre-formulated questions.  Our rapport (and his conversational candor) was strong enough that we ad-libbed the entire show with great results.  To hear Gary’s podcast you can listen on iTunes by searching ‘Independant Stream’ or you can listen online by clicking:

http://independentstream.podomatic.com

Thursday proved shocking when ArtVoice announced their 2011 Best Of Buffalo nominees.  Somehow all of you managed to get me on the ballot for their Best Writer category.  The winner hasn’t been announced yet, but regardless of the outcome, I’m deeply grateful to all of you who voted in addition to every one of you who have supported my work for the last ten years by buying a book, making a reading or spreading the word.  I don’t put a lot of stock in contests, but a lot of people look to them to decide what’s hot and what’s not and with the new book out, it can’t hurt to campaign a little bit more.  Keep your fingers crossed and I guess we’ll see who takes home the gold soon enough.

Last night we had a four hour marathon at Don’s Atomic Comics in Depew for ‘Tom’s Atomic Comic Giveaway’ with special guests Mark McElligott (Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind) and Michael Hoffert Jr. (host of ‘It Came From The Longbox’ on http://www.thinktwiceradio.com).  Don and I have done a promotion for every book since Soup To Nuts and his shop is always a favorite destination during the tour.  The sale went great, I recorded a lot of great audio and a few other surprise guests turned up including Monsters Of Verse alumn Carrie Gardner, Monster Matt, John Kindelan and Brian Platter from Six Shot Studios.

The events for this book have been wildly unpredictable compared to previous years.  Te ones I’ve expected to do well haven’t and the ones that I thought would be a waste of time turned out to be anything but.  It’s hard to predict an outcome for anything in Buffalo with so many conflicting events (sporting and otherwise) and such a melting pot of cultural tastes.  Mark McElligott and I are going to keep plugging away until the end of July at a steady pace with our heads up.  Next Saturday (May 7th) I’ll be reading and signing copies of Mockery at the Caz Coffee Café on Abbott Rd. in South Buffalo at 7 p.m.  If you’re free that night I’d love to see you there.

Resting up for the rest of the week,

Tom Waters

Mockery Live At Maryan’s/Talking Leaves Now In Stock!

Saturday was a banner reading for Mockery at Maryan’s.  Even after a losing Sabres playoff game, the crowd was into the material right from the jump and the laughs were legion within minutes.  I’ve been telling Mark McElligott (who’s gearing up for his own slate of readings soon enough) that the events you’re positive will do well often don’t and the ones you never expect to succeed end up surprising you.  It’s always a crap shoot and you can’t predict any one promotion, so the best thing to do is try everything once and stick with what works.  Due to the great audio (and the great crowd), I’ve posted two separate concert shows up on Mevio as well as iTunes.  Here are your synopses:

‘In The Crease: Mockery Live At Maryan’s': Tom takes to the stage after a losing playoff game for the Buffalo Sabres at Maryan’s in Depew and by some miracle manages to win the crowd over.

-To hear the above episode on Mevio, click on this link:

http://www.mevio.com/episode/276964/in-the-crease-mockery-live-at-maryan

 

‘Love Those Water Boys’: Dave ‘The Real Deal’ Waters rocks out his first live musical set in almost two years at Maryan’s in Depew.

-To hear Dave’s half of the concert, click here:

http://www.mevio.com/episode/276963/love-those-water-boys

As always, you can subscribe to The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour on ‘the iTunes’ by searching Big Words Radio and clicking on the show listed under Comedy.  If you’re a current subscriber, then you already have both episodes!

Thanks so much to Dave ‘The Real Deal’ Waters, Nance, Sam, Val, Mike and the rest of the spectacular staff as well as the crowd at Maryan’s.  If every reading and signing went that well I’d never stop touring!  There are no promotional events this week since it’s Easter week, but I’ll be gearing back up again next Tuesday the 26th at the Lancaster Public Library (7:30 p.m.) and then Don’s Atomic Comics on Saturday, April 30th for my Tom’s Atomic Comic Giveaway promotion from 8 p.m. to midnight!  The book promotions at Don’s always have a special place in my heart because a) I’ve done something there for every single book I’ve released, b) it’s always a great time and c) I’ll make a boat load of cash!  To hear how the last promotion went (Tom’s Atomic Poetry Cliffhanger), you can click on:

http://www.mevio.com/episode/166205/episode-xxx-tom-s-atomic-poetry-cliffhanger

and:

http://www.mevio.com/episode/166196/tom-s-atomic-poetry-cliffhanger-the-shocking

And finally, Mockery is now available at both Talking Leaves books locations, so if you live in the city and you can’t make it out to any of the suburban events, feel free to pick up the new book at the Main Street or Elmwood locations.  Talking Leaves has been another long time friend for every single book over the years.  While it’s a hassle to set up some promotions, Atomic Don and Jonathan at Talking Leaves have never needed more than a phone call to iron out a date and time and for that I’m grateful.

I hope you all enjoy your Easter and perhaps I’ll see you out on the road next week!

Sincerely,

Tom Waters

Wrapping Up Loose Ends/Semi-Retirement

There’s a lot of new business this week, so I’ll try to cover it all quickly and efficiently.  First and foremost, I’d like to thank everyone who took the time to vote for me in ArtVoice’s 2011 Best Of Buffalo polls. Regardless of the outcome, I truly appreciate everything that all of you have done for me over the years.  You’ve all encouraged my tantrums, supported my work and continued to stand behind me every step of the way.  There is no way to properly express my gratitude for everything that all of you in the Buffalo community (and beyond) have done.  Thank you for riding along with me through all of the peaks and valleys.  I won’t get my hopes up about all this awards business, but I guess we’ll find out together.

Secondly, I’m incredibly proud to announce the early release of comedic ingénue Mark McElligott’s book Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind from Doubt It Publishing, the little publishing house that can and will.  Mark’s a remarkable talent with a one-of-a-kind sense of humor and I’m looking forward to introducing his comedy to newer and larger audiences in Buffalo and beyond.  To buy an early edition of his book, feel free to click on the quick link:

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/random-thoughts-from-a-broken-mind/15436437?productTrackingContext=search_results/search_shelf/center/1

Mark will be along for the ride this Saturday at Maryan’s at 7 p.m. to show his support.  The two of us will be riding each other’s coat tails for the next three months and then some, so please pop out and give him a warm welcome.  You can either get behind his work now or hop on the bandwagon mid-summer after his work has been lauded and praised by most of the right critics and crowds in Buffalo.  Either way, Mark and I will be storming your doorstep to wring the belly-laughs right out of you.  Support local and hop on this particular book tour not because newspaper a, b or c tell you it’s the hip thing to do but because you can formulate an opinion on your own.  To read a few of Mark’s sample essays, click on over to:

http://www.randomthoughtsbrokenmind.blogspot.com

And finally, on to a tiny bit of nasty business.  After almost a month of provocation from two individuals recently, I was forced to take action.  After facing the consequences of their actions, they had a sudden crisis of conscience.  Let’s get something straight if we can.  I’m getting older.  I’m slowing down, time is at a premium and if it were up to me, I’d be much happier to be left alone and move away from the whole ‘waging war with fill in the blank’ phase of my life.

I’m a married man who’s 35 with ten books under my belt, a publishing house, a radio show that’s a hell of a lot of fun to do and a loyal audience.  I have nothing left to prove and I don’t pick fights or jump into pissing contests for the sake of pride.  As a blanket statement for those of you who wish to attract my immediate and undivided attention be you a publication, radio show, web zine, individual or an author in your own right I beg you to listen carefully when I say this:

Please don’t for both our sakes.

Think like a journalist, gather your facts and draw an informed opinion before you make the hasty decision of taking a run at me.  My fuse gets a lot longer as I get older but that doesn’t mean I won’t employ the full brunt of my investigative knowledge to maximum benefit if you get my dander up.  Kindly leave me alone.  If you want to exorcize your inadequacies or any other number of neuroses on someone rather than seeking therapy, be smart and don’t…pick…me.

I would truly like to be left alone.  Aside from the book promotions, I’m trying to move further away from any kind of public presence, personality or finely tuned image.  Hopefully in five or ten more years my family and I will have a house in the country that’s no less than forty five minutes away from a normal shopping center where I can listen to Bob Dylan, drink whiskey on my porch and an incoming phone call will be a major event.  Please keep this in mind should you choose to wage a war against me.  Poor etiquette will no longer (nor has it ever been) tolerated.

That’s it for today.  Sorry for the negative backlash, but this had to be addressed.

Sincerely,

Tom Waters

Big Words Radio Episode 59: A Big Basket Of Shameful Joy

I’m going to apologize right off the bat for behaving myself.  I respect writer/artist Mark Kalesniko and I value my friendship with Atomic Don too much to batter either of them vocally on the show.  While I goof around on most of the shows, I played this one straight and we had fun despite my apparent professionalism.  Here’s your synopsis:

 

Episode 59: A Big Basket Of Shameful Joy

Tom dials up Mark Kalesniko (the writer and artist for the new book Freeway by Fantagraphics) along with returning co-host Atomic Don to talk about Asian women, working for Disney and ‘the acid shits’. Diets are changed, beers are consumed and Mark plays along with the boys like a champ.

 

 

To hear the show in full audio quality, click on over to:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

 

To hear all 81 episodes including the new one along with bonus clips, out-takes and additional episodes, click over to:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

 

You can also subscribe for free to The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour on ‘the iTunes’ by searching ‘Big Words Radio’ in the Podcasts section.  Dial it up and rate high, folks!

 

 

Thanks to Mark Kalesniko and Atomic Don for rolling with the punches.  Thanks are again in order to producer Richard Wicka for putting up with/dealing with my horrendous artistic temperament before, during and after the show.

With a recent cancellation for my May show, I’m putting a call out for a new guest!  If you’re a local artist, musician, writer, painter, etc., now would be the ideal time to get ahold of me.  Kindly send me a query email at: bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com.  The Big Words I Know By Heart One Man Mobile Unit will be taping in about two or three weeks, so speak now or get lost in the vacuum.  If you have an observable talent and a small degree of conversational savvy, now’s the time to let me know!

That’s all for today.  I’ve got a few more aces up my sleeve later this week, but I’m saving them for the time being.

Talk to you soon,

Tom Waters

Dave Waters Radio

For the last month or so, my little brother David and I have been quietly working on building a show site for his musical legacy.  After uploading nine live concerts from his Central Park Grill years, we’re finally ready to share.  Ladies and gentleman, welcome to Dave Waters Radio.  To hear the show online, pop on over to:

 

http://www.davewaters.mevio.com

 

You can also subscribe to the show on iTunes by searching ‘Dave Waters’ in the podcast section.  Dave has been recording and performing in Buffalo for the last decade with a blend of rock, blues and folk that have garnered a loyal and diverse audience.  While he’s been focusing more on publishing his poems (having recently released 12 Priests & 3 Gnomes through Doubt It Publishing), we wanted to preserve his musical legacy.  For an up close and personal interview with Dave on Big Words Radio, you can click your way over to:

 

http://www.mevio.com/episode/166169/episode-xxviii-the-real-deal (interview episode)

as well as:

http://www.mevio.com/episode/166180/episode-xxix-how-dare-you-site-there (concert episode)

 

Dave and I are proud to bring you such a wealth of new musical content as well as a new library on the horizon.  If you’re interested in picking up Dave’s latest book, feel free to visit:

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/12-priests-and-3-gnomes/11908614

There’s a lot more to come as far as Dave’s music and poetry.  Stay tuned for more shows and books as they develop!

Thanks,

Tom Waters

Tom’s Atomic Comic Giveaway Flier by Brian Platter (Six Shot Studios)

‘Tom Waters Mocks You’ in ArtVoice Daily, AV’s ‘Best Of Buffalo’ Awards

Artvoice Managing Editor Geoff Kelly was kind enough to punch up a quick and engaging blurb (with cover photo) about the new book online for their ‘ArtVoice Daily’ section.  To view Geoff’s write-up (with one of the more scathing samples from the book), click over to:

http://blogs.artvoice.com/avdaily/2011/04/01/tom-waters-mocks-you/

Thank you to Geoff and ArtVoice for the wonderful mention.  And again, I’m asking all of you to take the time and (if you’re willing), vote for me for Best Writer and Best Radio Personality in ArtVoice’s ‘Best Of Buffalo’ Awards.  Every little bit of promotion helps for Mockery and AV has a lock on the downtown Buffalo audience.  Please consider me for these two crucial categories by logging in at:

http://best.artvoice.com

This isn’t an ego thing.  I’ve never officially ‘run’ for either category before, but with the new book out, winning (or even being considered) would be a great help.  And finally, if you’d like to hear ‘Stop The Press!’, my interview with Geoff Kelly from Big Words Radio (way back in August of 2008), click over to:

http://www.mevio.com/episode/164954/episode-ix-stop-the-press

Have a great week and I’ll talk to you all soon,

Tom

Tom’s Atomic Comic Giveaway Art

Flier design by Kyle Kaczmarczyk (The Red Eye, Pulp)

Dee Day: Mockery Book Launch & Two New Pieces In The Buffalo News

After trimming Mockery to a fault of any essays that were decidedly serious or introspective, there was a lot left on the cutting room floor.  Now whenever I launch into a whirlwind of a book promotion, I try and get some more publishing credits in locally and nationally to raise awareness.  A few months ago I decided to send in an essay about coping with manic depression for most of my life without any regard for what the public’s reaction might be and no idea of the long-range consequences knowing full well that it would be accepted.  It ran today in The Buffalo News’ ‘My View’ Section.  Here’s the link:

 

http://www.buffalonews.com/editorial-page/from-our-readers/my-view/article381948.ece

 

(You’ll also find a new breed of Club Watch review in this week’s Gusto.)

 

I haven’t touched upon this aspect of my life often before (mentioning it briefly in two or three other books) because it’s something I’m incredibly uncomfortable discussing when I’m depressed and I’ve always felt that it was a moot point when I’m manic.  A lot of people treat their diagnosis or an ailment as a crutch and I’ve never thought of bipolar disorder in those terms.  After years of dealing with it, I look at it as a gift that comes with consequences.  While I’m concerned about how the general public will react to it (anger over condoning the avoidance of prescription medications or an outpouring of sympathy over the illness itself), it’s high time to stop hiding it.

We’re at the top half of the 21st century and I won’t be part of the moral minority that still perceives any mental illness with blinders on.  That and I have an autobiography (Icarus On The Mend) due out in another year and a half that delves a lot deeper into my struggles and triumphs with manic depression.  The bottom line is that my wife and I both feel that I can function effectively in society without the benefit of medication for now.  We’ve both researched the topic thoroughly.  Those diagnosed typically get worse as they get older (longer and more debilitating depressions mainly) and our average life spans are drastically shorter due to symptom-related health hazards.

I’m hoping (rather foolishly) that the two of us can find a kind of Beautiful Mind-like cognitive anecdote to stave off the worst of the highs and lows.  This piece will be misunderstood and most likely controversial, but you and I both know that this isn’t my first rodeo in either department.

We’re mere hours away from the official launch for Mockery at Dee’s Firehouse at 7 p.m. tonight.  All in all a pretty good week in terms of print media saturation.  Whatever my life span may be, I truly hope Buffalo remembers me when I’m gone.  In the mean time, let’s have some fun tonight!

 

Tom Waters

Commence Mockery in 3, 2…

Starting tomorrow, I’ll be embarking on a three month promotional junket for Mockery, what may be my final essay collection.  After a short break to allow ample time to focus on Mark McElligott’s Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind, we’re taking our act on the road to Alfred, Rochester and parts unknown.  I feel strangely peaceful about the upcoming launch and subsequent events.  Two interviews hit Buffalo this week with Metro Source Lancaster and the Lancaster, Depew, Cheektowaga and Clarence Bees.  To read Jennifer Lysiak’s interview,

 

click here: http://www.metrowny.com/news/900-442-Waters_releases_ninth_book_April_1.html

 

For an excerpt of Jolene Zanghi’s interview,

click here:  http://www.clarencebee.com/news/2011-03-30/Lifestyles/Making_a_Mockery_of_pop_culture_human_behavior.html

 

The full Bee interview will be available in four weeks.  In the mean time, you can pick it up on stands throughout Western New York.  Night Life magazine is also running some additional press about the impending launch this week.  A big thank you goes out to Jennifer and Jolene for taking the time to sit down with me at Dee’s to talk about the book, the promotional events and what I’ve got planned for the future.

Tomorrow is the official launch for the book at Dee’s Firehouse on 4628 Broadway in Depew at 7 p.m. with special musical guests One Hot Minute.  If you’ve been to a reading before, then you know how wacky and unpredictable each one can be compared to the next.  If you haven’t, then I look forward to winning the rest of you over.  I’m going to try to read something different at every event so that if you come to more than one you’ll be appropriately entertained.  In addition to having a limited amount of First Edition copies on deck for sale ($15), these are the other books I’ll have on hand:

-If They Can’t Take A Joke (HC) $20

-Breathing Room Volume I and II (Trade Paperback) $15 each

-Voices From The Herd: An Anthology For Buffalo, NY (Trade Paperback) $13

 

I plan on stocking Slapstick & Superego at other upcoming events but I wanted to make sure I had a decent stockpile of Mockery to start off with.

Throughout April I’ll be contacting more of the local press and setting up more radio interviews on the FM dial.  Please help me to make this launch (and the subsequent readings) events to remember.  The turnout we’re expecting so far sounds excellent. As we transition from my book to Mark’s, I hope that you’ll give him the same level of attendance and laughter that you’d give me.  For those of you willing to take a chance on a new author, you’ll find Mark’s collection to be every bit as funny as anything I could come up with.

Thanks for all your support and encouragement over the years.  A huge thanks goes to Dee, Kathy and the rest of the madding crew at Dee’s Firehouse for making tomorrow’s launch such an easy venue to schedule and for buying multiple copies of the new book in one fell swoop.  Thanks are also in order to Brian Platter (Six Shot Studios) for the great promotional flier and to One Hot Minute for performing tomorrow night.  There are some great shows lined up for the spring and summer.  I can’t wait to see you there!

 

Sincerely,

Tom Waters

A Quote To Consider This Weekend

‘There’s no such thing as bad publicity.’

I understood that rule by the time I was 20.  Others spend the rest of their lives trying to wrap their brains around it.  Two people recently threatened me with promises of character assassination, bad press and a barrage of insults.  Their knee-jerk responses were a gross over-reaction to be sure, but they obviously don’t have a firm grasp of publicity.  There’s no such thing as bad publicity, comprende?  My only rebuttal to whatever childish, unfunny dick and fart jokes they can manage to muster up by the end of this weekend is: have at it.  I won’t be baited, threatened or leaned upon.  I don’t negotiate with morons.  The smart thing to do on their part would’ve been silence, but again, that would’ve been the smart move.  Drop my name a million times.  Thanks for the promotional consideration in advance.

Sincerely,

Tom Waters

It Begins! Radio Appearances, Print Interviews & A Very Important Birthday…

Okay…

There’s a lot of ground to cover this week, so I’ll try and hit all the bases.  This Wednesday, Mark McElligott and I will be high-tailing it out to Lockport to make an appearance on Kahle & Co. on 1340 AM (WLVL) at noon.  We’ll be talking about both our books with my longtime pal Brian Kahle.

ArtVoice has started taking ballots for their 2011 Best Of Buffalo Awards.  I’ve never really rallied the troops for this contest before, but with a new book literally right around the corner, there’s no such thing as bad publicity, so please take the time to log on and vote at:

www.best.artvoice.com

If you’d be kind enough to vote for me for the Best Writer and Best Local Radio Personality, I’d be deeply grateful.  I cast some votes for my favorite bars, comic shops and local artists while I was there, too.

The Mockery Book launch is NEXT FRIDAY at 7 p.m. at Dee’s Firehouse in Depew with special musical guests One Hot Minute!  I really hope to see you out there so you can meet Kathy (one of the best bartenders in Buffalo), Dee and the rest of the gang!  First edition copies of Mockery will be available for the low, low price of $15, so show up on time because they’re going to go fast.

Interviews will be hitting Lancaster Source as well as The Lancaster Bee by the end of this week.  I’ve got a new My View bombshell hitting the Buffalo News either by the end of this month or the beginning of April.  This isn’t exactly a quiet week in terms of promotions, but this is the calm before the storm.  This is the last week of quiet private life (more or less) before a four month junket of readings, signings and book promotions for two books that are definitely going to do very well for Doubt It Publishing.

And finally, my dear friend Gregg Sansonne is celebrating his 50th birthday this Saturday at Griffin’s Irish Pub on 81 Abbott. Rd. in South Buffalo at 8 p.m.  Ten years ago I was starting off with Night Life magazine writing bar reviews when we ran into each other by dumb coincidence while he was starting out as a tremendously talented musician at Route 66 (now closed) downtown.  His performance bowled me over.  His piano playing and his vocals amazed me and they still do.  Please join me, my wife and the rest of Gregg’s friends for such a monumental milestone.  Gregg has been a wonderful person to a lot of people and it’ll be nice to share the occasion with him.

Have a great week and I hope to see you all soon,

Tom Waters

Big Words Radio Episode 58: ‘Your Own Personal White-Out’

Okay, this episode was just plain wrong, there’s no two ways about it.  This month (for the radio show) has been a real rollercoaster ride of comedy between the ‘Huge Stuff I Rember From Repetition Dude On The Move Station’, and the comedic brutality unleashed upon Mark McElligott.  It’s in everyone’s best interests if we all just have some quiet time to ourselves to reflect on what we’ve done and who we’ve wronged until Fantagraphics journeyman Mark Kalesniko enters stage right in April to talk about his new masterpiece Freeway. For the time being, here’s your synopsis:

Episode 58: ‘Your Own Personal White-Out’

Tom sits down with Doubt It Publishing Author Of The Year Mark McElligott (Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind) and tears him a new one.  In addition, they make some cheap wisecracks about previous co-host Terry Kimmel, statutory rape and the mentally handicapped.  All in all a good show.

To hear the new show this instant click your way to victory at:

http://www.bigwordsmevio.com

-or you can just subscribe right now for free by searching ‘big words radio’ at ‘the iTunes’ store and clicking on the Comedy listing.

The show has toned down a bit in previous months so it was refreshing to have a guest on who I was positive about being able to handle a relentless barrage of jokes that were far beyond wrong.  This is literally the worst show I’ve done on an offensiveness scale since July of 2009, so it was a treat to take the kid gloves off and go to town on an unsuspecting mark (in this case, Mark).

A big thanks goes out to Mark McElligott for being such a great sport.  In addition to getting a taste of what you can expect from his upcoming debut collection Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind, the two of us will be hitting Buffalo with a vengeance this summer to promote both of our books together in a reading frenzy.  Please click, download, subscribe, laugh, rate high and enjoy.  I’m taking a well-deserved break from podcasting until mid-April.

Enjoying long, sticky white donuts,

Tom Waters

Spring Event Calendar For Mockery and Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind from Doubt It Publishing

While these appearances are far from final, here are the events we’re currently looking at for April through June.  When I add more dates, I’ll update this list.  Mark your calendars and get ready to laugh, folks!

Friday April 1st, 7 p.m. to midnight: Mockery Book Launch at Dee’s Firehouse, 4628 Broadway Ave., Depew 651-0711.  Reading and signing at 7 p.m. followed by a live performance by One Hot Minute (Red Hot Chili Peppers cover band) at 8 p.m.  First edition copies of Mockery by Tom Waters available for $15.

Saturday, April 16th, 7 p.m., Mockery Book Signing at Maryan’s, 4921 Broadway, Depew  683-0590.  Live musical performance by David Waters (Whiskey Suicide).

Tuesday, April 26th, 7:30 p.m.  Reading and Signing with author Tom Waters (Mockery) at the Lancaster Public Library, 5466 Broadway, Depew

Saturday, April 30th, 8 p.m. to midnight.  Tom’s Atomic Comic Giveaway! at Don’s Atomic Comics, 6354 Transit Rd., Depew 684-5981.  Buy a copy of Mockery by Tom Waters and get a free back issue.  Midnight madness discounts on graphic novels and collectibles.  Special Guests Josh Tonn (Costumed Crimefighter Comics, Stupid Funny Comics), Mark McElligott (Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind) and Kyle Kaczmarzcyk (The Red Eye, Pulp, Monster Matt’s Bad Jokes Volume I).

Saturday, May 7th, 7 p.m. to 10 p.m., Caz Coffee Café, 668 Abbott Rd., Buffalo 825-7806.  Reading and Signing with Tom Waters, author of the humor collection Mockery.

Thursday, May 19th, 7 p.m., Talking Leaves Books, 3158 Main St., Buffalo 837-8554.  Reading and Signing with Tom Waters, author of the humor collection Mockery.

Saturday, May 21st, 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. Mockery Book Reading and Signing at Stockman’s Tavern (9870 Transit Rd., Depew 688-9896) featuring Tom Waters with live music by musician Chris Squier.

Saturday, June 11th, 7 p.m. to 10 p.m.  Caz Coffee Café, 668 Abbott Rd., Buffalo 825-7806. Reading and Signing with Mark McElligott, author of the humor collection Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind.

Sunday, June 26th, 5 p.m. to 7 p.m.  Doubt It Publishing presents a book reading by Mark McElligott (Random Thoughts From A Broke Mind) and Tom Waters (Mockery) at Rust Belt Books (202 Allen St., Buffalo, 885-9535).  Admission is free, signed first editions of both books available.

Big Words Radio Episode 56: Straight Up Gangsta

Episode 56 Synopsis:

T-Rex, J-Dog and Chromey drop the knowledge on that dude who was in Wall Street on that tv show, that politician who took his shirt off for dudes who were really chicks and how the man is trying to bring us all down.

Give it a listen right now at:

http://www.mevio.com/episode/272473/episode-56-straight-up-gangsta

Thanks to Chrome Dome Mike for ‘bringing the heat’ and J-Dog for rolling with the punches.  This episode was EPIC, yo.  One love.

Mockery Book Launch Flyer by Brian Platter (Six Shot Studios)

Mockery Soft Launch, Doubt It Publishing Blow Out!

Okay gang,
Are you ready for the big secret? I hope you’re sitting down (and why wouldn’t you be if you were at your computer?). Here it is:

-Mockery, my ninth new collection of ONLY funny rants is actually available for purchase RIGHT NOW!

The book launch doesn’t happen until April Fool’s Day (7 p.m. at Dee’s Firehouse in Depew with live band One Hot Minute). Even the local press hasn’t gotten a complimentary copy yet! And I’m going to sweeten the pot on top of all this:

-All of my lulu.com titles will be 10% off until April 1st INCLUDING Mockery.

Slapstick & Superego and Breathing Room Volume I & II AND Mockery are all available for 10% off the cover price. If you order ANY or ALL of these books any time between now and April 1st, you save money, AND you can pick up Mockery for less than what I’ll be charging throughout the launch. Think of it as a huge, wet kiss for all the years that all of you have helped me make money with your continued support doing what I love.
There are some great things in store in the next four months, so a) if you live out of town or b) if you want to save money or c) if you’d rather not make the bar appearances because you’re giving up fried food, having fun or guzzling hooch for Lent, now’s a great time to scoop up some great books. Mockery is going to retail at $15 (my lowest price on a humor collection in over 5 years). You can buy it now for $13.49. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

To buy Mockery this very instant, click here: http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/mockery/15050885

To visit the entire Doubt It Publishing Shop on lulu.com and save on my last three titles,
click here: http://stores.lulu.com/tomwaters

No gimmicks, no hustle. Please rate high when you visit each individual book. Three years ago I decided to publish two little poetry books on my own because I assumed they wouldn’t make any money. They made a decent amount of money for me, so I branched out. Like e.e. cummings, Allen Ginsberg and a score of other writers, I decided to go into the publishing business. Help me to turn this publishing house into a legitimate one.
Thank you so much. Mockery is a knockout collection and it’s unlike any rant book I’ve released to date. I designed the book to mimic a standup comedy act with light jokes and quick rabbit punches at the beginning, big belly laughs in the middle and a soft, fuzzy feeling at the end. The flow and pacing are better than anything I’ve done to date. I really hope you like it.
So what are you waiting for? BUY MY NEW GODDAMNED BOOK ALREADY!
Start your engines,
Tom ‘literary prostitute’ Waters

Gamestop In Trouble Again? Go Figure.

This link comes courtesy of Intentionally Bald Mike.  I don’t understand why anyone continues to support this company with their patronage.  As another poster commented, you can get higher trade in values and cheaper prices on Amazon.  Here’s the link:

http://ps3.ign.com/articles/115/1152196p1.html

I’m glad to be free of traditional retail and I haven’t played a video game since I was wrongfully terminated from the company in 2008.  Do us all a favor and stop shopping Gamestop.  That is all.

Tom Waters

Big Words Radio Episode 55: Wind-Up Mountain Dew Cars & The Land Of The Long White Cloud

Here we go,

    Magnanimous thanks to Dylan Horrocks as well as co-host Terry Kimmel.  Dylan was an ideal guest and Terry was a perfect co-host.  My guest was cordial, engaging, intriguing and charming while playing along with my antics.  Terry did his research before the show and chimed in when it was appropriate in addition to weathering out my insults.  Here’s your synopsis:

    Big Words Radio Episode 55: ‘Wind-Up Mountain Dew Cars & The Land Of The Long White Cloud’

    Tom and Sanford & Son-esque Designated Driver Terry Kimmel talk to Drawn & Quarterly writer/artist Dylan Horrocks about New Zealand, weather patterns, the importance of escaping Buffalo and the tenth percentile of great comics in the industry versus Image publishing.

    Thanks are also in order to mastermind Think Twice creator and producer Richard Wicka for recording the bumper promo and the show itself.  He remains one of my leading inspirations and I’m genuinely grateful to have him as a guiding influence and mentor in my life.  Enough sentimentality, though, here’s where you can hear the show:

    http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

    To hear all of my episodes in partial sound quality, click over to:

    http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

    The show will be up by dawn Friday for subscription via ‘the iTunes’.  Pledge your allegiance and your soul to Big Words Radio on Apple iTunes.  Download in bulk and rate high!

    Join me next month for uber-talented Lockport author Mark McElligott! 

    Excelsior (or some such nonsense),

    Tom Waters

Mockery Cover!

April 1st, 2011 will be here before we know it.

The Dark Knight Rises Bombshell?

            So here’s what we know so far about The Dark Knight Rises…

            Tom Hardy is going to play Bane.  Anne Hathaway is cast as Catwoman.  Christopher Nolan penned the script with David Goyer and Christian Bale is returning as Bruce Wayne/Batman.  Joseph Gordon Levitt was recently brought on board as…?

            There have been speculations that he would play Robin or Nightwing.  There’s no way in hell that will ever happen as Nolan and Bale have repeatedly stated that if Robin showed up the world they inhabited that they’d walk.  Nolan may like to throw curveballs, but he wouldn’t do that. 

            Out of all the rumors I’ve heard online, I truly can’t believe that no one has jumped to this conclusion yet. 

            The Dark Knight trilogy is based on realism.  A fictional city where super powers don’t exist with heroes and villains who could actually appear in our own world.  The Dark Knight dealt with the idea of someone else taking up Batman’s ‘mantle’ once he was too old or no longer fit to serve as Gotham’s protector.  Harvey Dent was a worthy successor until he was corrupted by the criminal underworld as well as the Joker. 

            The Dark Knight Rises will certainly explore Batman’s outcast status with the Gotham P.D. and his criminal image with the public.  In addition to protecting the innocent and wiping out crime when the underworld is scrambling for a way to wipe him out, Batman now has the added frustration of dodging the cops while he’s trying to do his job.  Enter Bane (played by Tom Hardy).  So who will Joseph Gordon Levitt play?

            I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that Levitt will play Azrael, the man that Bruce Wayne recruits as Batman after his back is broken.  Bane is going to break Batman.  It may be his back or it may be something else, but that level of violence would be a strong departure from the flamboyant embarrassment that Joel Schumacher’s Batman & Robin portrayed Bane as.  In the DC Universe, Bane broke Batman’s back and Azrael took up the mantel for a brief time, broke Batman’s rules and eventually had to give up his title because Wayne took it back after rehabilitation.  It was a key moment in the Batman mythos. 

            I may not be an expert on a lot of subjects, but I’ve read Batman all my life.  I’ve studied Nolans films (before and after) with a Jesuit-like thoroughness.  I’m calling it right here, right now: Joseph Gordon Levitt will play Azrael.  There’s a reason why his casting hasn’t been announced by Warner Bros.  Once you tip that domino, the entire plot clicks into place. 

            I’ll go one step further and say that Bane’s character will be more of a steroid-injecting addict than a man with a tube in the back of his head.  That sort of cartoonish grandstanding won’t hold up in Nolan’s mind.  Expect to see Hardy shooting up with a needle, plan on seeing Christian Bale as a near-invalid trying to rehabilitate his body with Alfred’s help and plan on watching Levitt take his role as Gotham’s Guardian one step too far. 

            When I wrote for Buffalo Rising, I predicted that The Dark Knight would meet or beat the international box office draw for Titanic.  It came within spitting distance.  Levitt will play Azrael.  Count on it.

Miscellaneous

            A lot of projects are in the planning stages currently and it’s more a matter of juggling and strategy than inspiration and execution.  Book 9 (Mockery) is in the last legs of pre-production and designer Eve Barbour and I are aiming for a hard April launch.  I’ve always been fond of doing book launches on April Fool’s Day (which falls on a Friday this year), so don’t be surprised if you hear about a large public event and bookstore insertion then.  At $15, it’s the lowest launch price of any rant collection I’ve ever released, so I’ll be shooting for volume rather than profit margin. 

            After that, Mark McElligott and I will be going into pre-production on his book, Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind while we schedule appearance dates at the same time.  We’re looking at a summer release date for his book around the same price point.  While Mark’s never published a book before, he’s got a diverse back ground in music, cartooning and stand-up comedy that should translate well on stage once he gets up and running.

            As for the radio show, Eisner and Harvey award winner Dylan Horrocks (Hicksville) will be talking to me and co-host Terry Kimmel on Thursday, February 24th.  Mark McElligott returns as my guest in March and in April I’ll be discussing the hilarious and often controversial books of Mark Kalesniko (Alex, Mail Order Bride). 

            After agonizing over how and when to release the autobiography (Icarus On The Mend), I’m leaning towards publishing a limited print run of 100 hardcover first editions in 2012 for around $29.95 with no complimentary copies for the local or national media included.  Everyone who knows about the book wants to get their hands on it right away, so I might as well give you all what you want.  Once those hundred are gone, I’ll release two volumes of trade paperbacks for $15 each with complementing photo negative covers and possibly an additional chapter. 

            As for the third poetry collection (Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick), I’m not sure how to gauge demand for the book, so don’t be surprised if it’s released alongside one of the autobiography print runs.  While both Breathing Rooms reached (and exceeded) the 100 copy mark, they’re more a labor of love than a concerted business decision.  Poetry is a tough sell in any market, so I was glad to net over $2000 on the first two in the first year.  The third collection will be the last for a long time, so hopefully readers will enjoy the aftermath to Breathing Room by realizing that the content is new and unusual, not just scraps left over from the first two books. 

            I’ve never had this much material on the slate before at any one time.  Hopefully by 2013 I can buy back the rights to Born Pissed and Zany Hijinx, relaunch them with better cover designs, tighter editing and a lower price point.  If there’s one single piece of advice I can offer budding writers, it’s this: Don’t publish with America House.  There’s no reason why you should give 90% of your royalties away to a publisher for a manuscript that you put 100% of your effort and inspiration into. 

            It’s a bittersweet situation to be in.  I’ve got three years before I have to write another word.  I’m considering writing a novel, but for the time being I’m going to rest and relax since this is the calm before the promotional storm.  Thank you for reading and supporting my work.  People often ask me ‘Do you make any money off of your books?’ and my answer is always that I wouldn’t keep putting them out if I didn’t.  From a fiscal standpoint, 2011 is going to be a great year to make money while making people laugh at the same time.

A Grammatically Inept Email From Paula Cambria

Two weeks ago, I left my part time job at Gianni Mazia’s On Main in Clarence, NY after Paul Cambria (a newly minted owner) accused me of doing something I didn’t do while swearing and threatening my job in front of other members of the staff.  I’d seen his unjustified rage against other workers many times before, but after working for twenty years, I can honestly say that I’ve never had to put up with it personally at any other company, so I quit.

Last Thursday night, I received an email from Paul’s wife Paula via Facebook.  Here’s the majority of that email:

tom, u have a lot of guts bud, first of all, let me clarify your anger towards my husband ….u were out of line and he confronted you with it…and like any man, they would’ve said i’m sorry and water under the bridge, but no, not u….it’s all this anger, and personally u need to shut your mouth.  I’ve taken u back to work for me every time someone didn’t work out for u, all i can say is you were nothing but a phony in my eyes, keep talking to porn chicks and living in your f’ed up world, and we will ours,…..go figure people, no manners there! f u tom……

Most friends, family and enemies have learned by now not to send me any of their missives, because odds are that I’m going to turn their own words against them.  I saved Paula’s email on my Facebook account just in case.  Here was my response:

A lot of guts working hard, showing up early and doing everything that you and Rob asked? I’m not sure how I was out of line. I only went back to work once for Mazia’s. I’m sorry if your view of everything is distorted and it’s a shame that things turned out the way they did. I may be angry, but I’ve been a better manager than Paul ever was. I don’t threaten people in a work environment and I’ve never terrorized or talked down to people in front of other co-workers. I wish you both the very best,
Tom

Now I’d assume from the eight year old grammar and syntax that Paula didn’t actually send me that email, but it’s tough to say.  Paula’s husband is also a free speech lawyer who came up with some common sense guidelines for the adult film industry, so I doubt that his trophy wife would accost me for interviewing adult film stars in print as well as on my radio show.  After this email, I received a flurry of insulting comments from Paul and Paula’s children Ryanne and Lauren on FB.  The next day, I got a judgmental comment from Paul.

I’m just glad to be done with my tour of duty at Gianni Mazia’s.  That’s another chapter of my life that’s over.  I feel sorry for the employees who continue to get yelled at every weekend by the owners whether they’re personally responsible for the subject in question or not.

I’ve since blocked Paul, Paula, Ryanne and Lauren from my Facebook account.  While some of them may maintain squeaky clean public profiles, I refuse to comply with their tantrums after hours.  While I may be a nasty, spiteful person, at least I display my only face proudly.

Tired of being accused and abused in the workplace,

Tom Waters

Big Words Radio Presents The Busted Stuff Boxed Trifecta!

Yesterday was an incredible day across the board.  Dave Abbatoy, Cynthia McCaffrey, co-host Mark McElligot and I really had a blast together recording the interview portion of the show at my Lancaster grotto.  Some rough questions were asked and they weathered them out like champs.  I got both of their last names wrong and they brushed right past it like true professionals.

Shortly after taping the interview, the four of us skedaddled down to Dee’s Firehouse in Depew, where Dave and Cynthia gave a once-in-a-lifetime performance to a packed house.  Former co-hosts Zombie Chris, Diabetes Dave and Charles ‘Chezzie’ Amabile were all in attendance along with a large cast of good friends and thirty patrons.

 

Here are your synopses:

 

Episode 54: Maccatoy Vs. Nixon

In less than an hour, Tom manages to f#*$k up both Dave and Cynthia (Busted Stuff’s) last names while offending everyone in the room in addition to his wife.  Pitch-hitter co-host Mark McElligott delivers the ‘opening shot’ and the gang gets misty about Buffalo music while Tom considers stapling the back of his wife’s head.

 

Episode 53: Busted Stuff Live At Dee’s Firehouse (pt.I): The Devil Went Down To Depew

Busted Stuff opens with a scorching set to an increasingly packed house at Dee’s Firehouse on Thursday, January 27th, 2010.  Tom and his cohorts manage to drain four pitchers, a score of finger sandwiches, a double of wings and more than a few doubles of whiskey.  The crowd rejoices.

 

Episode 52: Busted Stuff Live At Dee’s Firehouse (pt.II): Bringing It All Back Home

Dave Abbatoy and Cynthia McCaffrey bring it home for the two point conversion with a once in a lifetime set list of covers, fan favorites, Tom’s favorite version of Peter Gabriel’s ‘In Your Eyes’ and a live version of their award-winning Live Lake Local Music Compilation song ‘Pray To Rain’.

 

A huge thanks goes out to Dave and Cynthia from Busted Stuff for contributing so much of their time and talent to a free show as well as my off-color sense of humor.  Thanks also to Dee, Jim, Cathy, Melissa and the rest of the gang at Dee’s Firehouse for hosting their event at their fantastic bar and restaurant.  If local bands or artists contact me in the future (and believe me, they will), I’d love to do it again at Dee’s.  Thanks are in order to Mark McElligott for co-hosting with a week’s notice and everyone who showed up for the show, ordered drinks and food en masse and helped to make the night one to remember.  So when can you listen to these historic episodes on ‘the iTunes’, you may ask?  They’re already posted.  I rushed home after the show, produced all three and uploaded them before I conked out for the night, so search ‘Big Words Radio’ on iTunes (the show listed under Comedy, NOT Literature), subscribe and rate high!  If you don’t have ‘the iTunes’, you can just as easily hear all three shows over at:

www.bigwords.mevio.com

 

Have a great rest of the week and I’ll talk to you all again in late February when I interview graphic artist/writer Dylan Horrocks with co-host Terry Kimmel!

Tom Waters

Two From The Vault/MOV Legacy/Busted Stuff Countdown

     They say everything happens for a reason.  Well, two weeks ago all I wanted to do was put the new Elton John/Leon Russell album onto my iPod.  Due largely to my technical ignorance, my new computer or Apple’s stringent sharing policies, I had to wipe my entire iPod and start from scratch.  After a week, I got all of my songs back on there and then some.  In the following week, I figured out how to get Big Words Radio back onto ‘the iTunes’ through their approval process and got all of those episodes back on, too. 

            You can now subscribe to The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour on iTunes by searching Big Words radio and clicking on the show listed under the ‘Comedy’ category.  The ‘Literature’ show is outdated, so I’m working on having it taken down.  As of today, the show has received over 984 downloads in 16 days this month.  That’s pretty damned good. 

            Within the past week, I’ve uploaded all 14 of the original Monsters Of Verse shows onto their own individual site.  Apple should be approving that within the next few days, so keep an eye out for it if you have an interest in poetry and comedy.  It’s hard to believe that it’s been over three years since JR Finlayson, Carrie Gardner and myself set out into the Buffalo wild to spread our wings as a traveling literary triumvirate.  Maybe it’s time for a reunion. 

            As an added incentive, I also culled the last existing episode (#58) of The Pissed Off World Of Uncle Hal that I co-hosted on.  Hal has moved on to other areas of interest and claims that the show is over and that he’s moving on in his life.  While this saddens me (as well as many others), I was glad to be a part of the angry magic that took place every time Hal created a new episode, and I wouldn’t be a show host at all without him, so for that I am grateful.

            And last (but definitely not least), I spoke with my uncle last week and got his permission to post his debut album online.  For the first time in 25 years, Dick Lobdell’s ‘Thank You Very Much’ is available as a free download on iTunes!  Here’s the synopsis for his music site:

            From the late ’60s throughout the ’70s, ’80s, ’90s and today, country singer Dick Lobdell brought country and bluegrass to Buffalo, NY, playing at bars, juke joints, honky tonks, dance halls and concerts. He continues to perform across the country to this day. This web site is devoted to sharing that love of Country and Western music with a wider audience along with Dick’s one-of-a-kind voice, journeyman guitar playing and incomparable passion.

            You can listen to the album online directly by visiting http://www.dicklobdell.mevio.com.  You can also download the album on iTunes by searching ‘Dick Lobdell’.  My uncle and I have been talking back and forth and he has some other rare live footage that we’ll be posting in the future.  As soon as it’s up, I’ll let you all know. 

            We’re also about a week away from the big Busted Stuff show at Dee’s Firehouse in Depew, so don’t forget!  It’s next Thursday (the 27th) at 6 p.m.  They’ll be playing a 90 minute set of mostly original material from their upcoming debut album and we’ll be posting the two-part show on Big Words Radio shortly afterwards.  Busted Stuff is excited.  Dee and the rest of the gang at the Firehouse are excited.  I’m pumped.  You don’t want to miss what will arguably be the best free show of 2011, so mark your calendar, call your sitter and put on your dancing shoes!

            With two books in the can and one on the way, I’ve got a two year lease on life to do whatever the hell I want creatively.  For the time being, I’m going to work on expanding the listener base for Big Words Radio and continue to strive towards great new experiments in audio and comedy.  It’s time to welcome a legion of new fans into the fold. 

Sincerely,

Tom Waters

Big Words Radio Racks Up The Downloads!

2011 is already shaping up to be one hell of a year.  I checked the download stats for The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour and for the month of December there were 1087 downloads on Mevio.com alone!  The Think Twice Radio site had an uptick in traffic as well, garnering 240,177 unique site hits along with 8,951 visits to the site.  What does this mean?  This means that the show is kicking ass!  I still have no idea where all of this traffic is coming from but I’m not complaining.

I urge those of you who listen to shoot me an email at: bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com with your geographical location along with a brief description of how you came across the show. You can also phone your comments or impressions of the show in at (716) 823-1750.  The next studio show is at the end of February (with New Zealand writer/artist Dylan Horricks) and I would love to air some phone calls during the show.  Do you want to hear your voice on the air?  Do you want to plug your band, book, business or project or possibly make your way onto the show as a future guest?  Calling or emailing is a quick and easy way to do so.

I’ve also heard from some of you that Big Words Radio is no longer available on iTunes.  This simply isn’t true.  While the site was shut down on mypodcast.com, there’s a quick and easy way to switch feeds and download all 69 episodes of the show.  I did some homework today and Big Words Radio is indeed still on iTunes. If you go to http://www.bigwords.mevio.com/, just click on ‘subscribe on iTunes’ near the icon on the right hand side. You’ll be able to download any or all episodes onto your iPod within minutes.

We’re also less than two weeks away from what will surely prove to be a historic ‘parter of two’ at Dee’s Firehouse on January 27th at 6 p.m.  Dee’s is located at 4628 Broadway Avenue in Depew NY just minutes away from Transit Rd. on the corner of Broadway and Lackawanna Ave.  2010 Buffalo Night Life Music Award winners for Best Rock Duo Busted Stuff will be playing a free concert while I record the event for inclusion on Big Words Radio.  We’re all collectively putting the word out, so this concert is going to be a real barn-burner.  Mark your calendar, tell all your friends and for god’s sakes, take off of work the following day because this show is going to be epic!

Thanks for listening, thanks for downloading and thanks for spreading the word about Big Words Radio.  Please take the time to email or (better yet) call in with a quick impression on the show.  I really appreciate your support.  If it wasn’t for so many listeners, I probably never would have come back from my self-imposed hiatus.  Here’s to a bright, beautiful future for Big Words Radio!

 

Sincerely,

Tom Waters

Also (an excerpt from the upcoming collection Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick, e.t.a. 2012)

Also

f scott & zelda

had the right idea

hemingway

knew what he was doing

ellis

mcinerney

capote

chinanski

 

tie one on

 

(& off topic entirely)

salinger

 

shut out the voices

the muses

the drive to keep writing

day & night

find asylum

detox

sanctuary

a sanitarium

or a safari

away from everything

& try to forget

 

(although it goes against the grain)

 

slough it off python-like

a maturing

let it go

find comfort in 80, 90 & near toxic

proof

(s)

 

if only it were the seminal

prodigious

30s again

with a wellspring of talent

a readership chomping at the bit

& a sun that rose

also.

2011: Veni, Vedi, Veci (‘I came, I saw, I conquered’)

Happy New Year everybody!

            2011 is going to be an incredibly busy year for myself and Doubt It Publishing.  I’m not even sure where to begin, but I guess we’ll proceed chronologically.

            The deadline for Doubt It Publishing’s Author Of The Year has come and gone and it’s time to make the announcement.  I’m proud to let you all know that I’ve chosen Mark McElligott’s Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind for publication this year.  It’s an uproariously funny collection of hilarious, ‘out there’ rants that made me laugh out loud on multiple occasions.  His sense of humor is a blend of Woody Allen, Dave Attell and Steve Martin.  He’s goofy, perverse and tremendously talented and we’re both looking forward to showcasing his work to a much larger audience this spring!    

            I’ve got a full slate of new bar assignments for the Buffalo News Gusto that I’ll be knocking out at a rate of one bar per week.  After reviewing The Dog House in Alden, I was saddened to discover that they closed until further notice before I had time to do the write up.  My condolences to the owners as well as the staff there for the unfortunate incident that led to their shutting down.  I had a wonderful time when I went and there was a roofing accident a week later that led to their demise. 

            At the end of this month (on Thursday, January 27th at 6 p.m.), The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour will be recording live on location by hosting a free concert with 2010 Buffalo Music Award winners for Best Rock Duo Of The Year Busted Stuff at Dee’s Firehouse on 4628 Broadway Ave. in Depew.  If you’re free, we’d love to see you at this event!  Dave and Cynthia are great people and they’re incredibly talented, so I look forward to hearing them play again.  They’re also launching a debut CD of original music around the same time frame, so hopefully they’ll have copies on hand to sell.

            As far as my autobiography goes, the first draft is finished.  Icarus On The Mend: Memoirs Of A Manic Depressive clocks in at a hefty 430 pages (so far) and if the book gets any larger upon revision, I may have to split it into two volumes from a cost standpoint.  I’d prefer not to charge more than $30 for the book in a soft cover format, so that could be the direction I take when the book is released in either 2012 or 2013.   The book is unlike anything I’ve written before, and while I’ve been guarding the manuscript for its explosive content and the cacophony of sensational revelations within, I’ll be auctioning off the second draft this spring.  The current bid is at $50.  If you want to read the book before it comes out, feel free to email me with a bid before spring.

            In February, I’ll be interviewing artist/writer Dylan Horrocks (Hicksville), who hails all the way from New Zealand.  This will be a studio show for The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour.  His breakout book was just republished this previous summer from Fantagraphics press and it’s one of the best graphic novels I’ve ever read.  Don will be co-hosting with me.

            By April, my ninth collection (Mockery) will launch online and in stores.  It’s a 130 page collection of nothing but finely tuned rants and the book is layered like a stand up comedy act.  This is the first book where I’ve worked diligently on the pacing of the humor throughout the book and the effect on readers should be noticeably different and vastly improved.  It’ll retail for $14.99 and while I never say never, this may be my final essay collection.  Eve Barbour (of Eve Barbour Designs) will be working on the cover layout and interior and Ryan Miller took the cover photo (a black and white picture of me laughing at a little girl who dropped her ice cream cone).  I’ve started working on a fiction novel which I’m not prepared to discuss in any capacity yet as the work is still fresh. 

            I’m not sure what the back half of 2011 will hold for me, Doubt It Publishing, Mark McElligot and The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour, but I’m certainly looking forward to it.  This is going to be a great year and I look forward to taking the journey with all of you.  As always, stay tuned to the web sites for more details as they emerge.  To sum everything up, get ready to laugh.  A lot. 

Sincerely,

Tom Waters

Big Words Radio Episode 51: ‘Altered States’

 

Tom and co-host ‘Stoner Steve’ dial editor, publisher, author and musician Wil Forbis up on ‘the Skype’ to talk about their collective illicit drug use, Wil’s magazine (Acid Logic), Wil’s band (Wil Forbis & The Gentleman Scoundrels) and a variety of other topics about the West Coast, pop culture and who can blow any of them.

 

To hear the show in full audio quality, feel free to click on over to:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

 

or to hear the show along with ALL of my previous episodes, you can visit:

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

 

    A big thanks goes out to Wil Forbis for publishing me for over a decade and for agreeing to be on the show.  Thanks also to Richard Wicka for recording and producing this episode as well as accommodating our multiple drinks situation in studio.  Thanks to Stoner Steve for lending some comedic value to the show and hanging on to the experience for dear life. 

    My next guests will be Buffalo Music Award ‘Best Duo Act Of 2010′ Busted Stuff.  We’re recording a live concert on location at Dee’s Firehouse on Thursday, January 27th around 5 p.m.  Mark your calendar and meet us out there for the fun!

 

Thanks,

Tom Waters 

Brief Eulogy For Kevin Callahan

            Kevin Callahan died today of a heart attack at the age of 40.  He was one of my brother Joseph’s best friends growing up and the world will be a lot less interesting without him.

            He was a constant in Joe’s life growing up.  In addition to Joe Keller, Bruce Torrey and Marc Miller, Joe and Kevin were as thick as thieves.  Kevin was a big boy at an early age, so he often wrestled with Keller in his spare time or intimidated others (including me) with the sheer bulk of his body.  He was a cheery man, though.  The majority of my memories about Kevin involve his strong, irresistible grin.  The kind that would lead you to believe that he was about to deliver a punch line, but he wasn’t ready to let it go yet.  Kevin was a jokester. 

            Three of my strongest memories of Kevin revolve around partying.  He loved to drink.  For those of us who are Irish, it’s almost encoded into our DNA.  One night in the summer (after I graduated from middle school), my brother Joe took me to a party at one of his friend’s cabins on the other end of Rushford Lake (where my parents have a summer home).  We sat around a bonfire, pounded some beers, traded some stories and wholeheartedly insulted each other.  Joe was attending Alfred Tech at the time, so I was thrilled that I was being allowed to hang out with the older cool kids (as well as my brother, who I idolized and saw rarely). 

            Joe drove us home to the dilapidated gray cottage that my dad bought to get rid of our unruly neighbors.  We used it as a party way station and a flop house.  This was one of the first times I’d gotten drunk (without puking or turning mean on everyone), so all I wanted to do was go to sleep and get rid of my bed spins.  After the lights went out, Kevin Callahan and Joe Keller started messing with each other.  I don’t know how it started, but they ended up wrestling their way from the raised living room area and flopping onto the floor with an alarming thud onto the main floor of the cottage.  The combined weight of their alarming muscle and massive bulk, created an impressive tectonic shift in the ground while all Joe and I wanted to do was pass out.  We all yelled at them and once one of them gave in, they finally called off the play-feud.

            A few years later (after Joe was done with Alfred and living at home for a brief time to save for a house), Kevin was back in town from Pennsylvania for a visit.  Joe and I were drinking beer, watching tv and tolerating Twerp, a truly insane cat that Joe gave my mom as a gift for a previous Easter.  We were eating Cheese Puffs.  In my inebriation, I dropped a few cheese curls on the floor by accident and the cat had licked the powder off of them and left the remainders.  When I saw the small collection of Cheese Puffs on the floor, I put them back in the bowl.  Kevin came into the house (already drunk) like a whirlwind and he was excited to see Joe again.  The two of them struck up conversation and Callahan decided to sit down in a chair.  The one I was sitting in.  While I was sitting in it.  He had to be about 300 pounds at the time and the sheer weight of him crushed me.  He helped himself to the Cheese Puffs our cat had already licked and Joe and I were too amused by the turn of events to say anything.  He passed out in my bed and I had to sleep somewhere else.  Joe and I were glad to see him again.

            A decade after that, Joe had his house built on the border of Lockport and I was visiting on a Sunday while we downed a few doubles of Knob Creek.  Kevin was engaged and he called Joe on his cell from a bar in Philadelphia (I think).  He was trying to talk to Joe and someone else in the bar was being too loud.  Kevin started shouting at the guy and started a fight and the phone cut out.  Joe shook his head with defeat because he was all too familiar with Kevin’s (and his own) antics in a bar environment.  It was another anecdote to tack on to their unbelievable (and improbable) legends.     

            Kevin Callahan was an unpredictable force of nature.  The absolute velocity of his charisma was inspiring, and I’ll truly miss him for that.  He was a big, funny animal, charging through life like a bull in a china shop, endearing his childhood buddies for life and taking the world head on.  I looked up to my brother and all of his best friends for acceptance, guidance and best practices for picking up women.  Kevin was the wild card that I didn’t see often, but never forgot for the few instances that we crossed paths.  I wish you well, you irrational beast.  For some of us, life is too extreme and we aren’t meant for the long distance marathon.  You used up your longevity and substituted it with intensity.  Thanks for peppering our lives with a steady diet of bombastic craziness. 

Rest in peace Kevin,

Tom

Big Words Radio Episodes 49 & 50: 2010 Buffalo Nightlife Music & Club Awards

Episode 50: ‘Night Life Music Awards pt.II’ or  ’Mullets, Drooping Cleavage, Love Socks & Flaccid Roast Beef Platters’

            On Thursday, December 9th, Tom and co-host Minnick attended the 2010 Buffalo Night Life Music & Club Awards at Page’s Paradise Island in the technical Town of Depew, NY.  Tom talks with Ed Honeck (the publisher and sometimes editor of Night Life), Dave and Cynthia (from Busted Stuff), Tom’s Top 5 fantasy diva Lana (Black Widow), Gregg Sansonne, Frank Pussieteri (Only Frank.com), Gregg Sansonne, professional audiovisual freelancer Chuck Eckert, and Dave Koestner (Night Life).  Minnick’s worthlessness as a contributing co-host worsens while Tom gets ‘the high hat’ treatment from bartenders and shrinking violets alike.  Bands Copperhead and Vince Vega rock it out in the background.

Episode 49: ‘Night Life Music Awards Pt.I’, or ‘Objects In Front Of Us May Be Larger Than They Appear’ or ‘Third Person, No Straw’ or ‘Balloons, Bottle Blondes & Ihmotep’

            The wacky antics continue as Tom speaks with Sam Gigas (Elmwood Lounge and King’s Court).  Tom and Minnick ogle barely legal boob action, Welcome Back Kotter hair and reptilians wearing bizarre hats of all shapes and sizes.  Gregg Sansonne and Ed Honeck dish a smidgeon more during buckets of gin & tonic, shit gets crazy and Tom plans an escape route before being detained for public drunkenness.  Margo, a Lockport ‘cougar’ relentlessly hits on Tom and Minnick and Video Pix gets a free plug.  Everyone keeps asking Tom for a card and he continues to demonstrate his unprofessionalism while shamelessly plugging his books.  The boys ignore the ceremonies, log on to ‘The Facebook’, check out shambling mummies with button hats and Tom shoves things in Minnick’s mouth.  Busted Stuff bust out a stellar rendition of Peter Gabriel’s ‘In Your Eyes’ and Tom rounds out the night in the top echelon with old time pal Ed Honeck. 

 

     Minnick and I had an absolute blast last night.  Thanks to Minnick (a much better co-host this time around), Ed Honeck and everyone who contributed their time and talents to the event.  To hear both shows in full audio, click on:

    http://www.bigwords.mevio.com 

    If you haven’t signed up yet, it only takes a minute to do so.  The iTunes site is down for the time being, so this is the only way you’ll be able to hear both shows until I post on Think Twice Radio next Friday.  

    Enjoy!

    Tom Waters    

2010 Buffalo Night Life Music and Club Awards

            I know it’s short notice, but I’m writing this morning to inform you of the 2010 Buffalo Night Life Music & Club Awards.  The event will take place this evening at Page’s Paradise Island on Transit Rd. in Depew at 7:30 p.m.  This is literally the one night out of the year where Buffalonians have the opportunity to see every great band and solo act in town under one roof.  Young ingénues, industry veterans, rock, blues, and country artists will all converge on the club to toast the best in the business.  A string of incredible acts will perform in rapid succession on the main stage and Night Life publisher Ed Honeck will hand out multiple awards to the most deserving recipients. 

            I haven’t gone since 2008, so I’m looking forward to touching base again with a lot of old friends of the radio show and beyond.  Gregg Sansonne, Michael Bly, Lenny Revell, Kevin McCarthy, Tommy Z, Black Widow, Busted Stuff, Widow Maker, Mick Hayes, Johnny James and scores of other multi-talented musicians who play out hundreds of times every year for our entertainment. 

            So if you’re not doing anything tonight (or even if you are), I’d strongly recommend that you ditch your plans and head on up to Page’s Paradise Island.  It’s one of the biggest events of the year every year and I’m certainly not going to miss it this time. 

See you there,

Tom Waters

Voices From The Herd Reading Booked For Monday, December 6th@Desiderio’s!

     I’m overjoyed to announce that the writers, poets and talents behind Voices From The Herd: An Anthology For Buffalo, NY will be reading and signing copies of the book at Desiderio’s On Broadway (5827 Broadway Avenue on the corner of Broadway and Bowen) on the dinner theater stage on Monday, December 6^th at 6:30 p.m.  We realize that the holiday season is a busy time for everyone, which is why we planned the event early in the month before things get too hectic.

     This is a great opportunity to enjoy a wonderful evening of free entertainment in a fine dining atmosphere, support local arts, contribute to a great cause, buy a reasonably priced book for Buffalo readers and expatriates and help out the Just Buffalo Literary Center all in the same night!  Copies of the book will be available for sale ($13) throughout the event, but supplies will be limited.  We strongly encourage you to buy a copy ahead of time through lulu.com.  Royalties are sent out directly and quarterly to Just Buffalo and so far the book has raised almost $300 for the organization. 

I’ll be recording the event for podcast inclusion for my show on thinktwiceradio.com and we’ll announce attending artists as the date approaches.  In the four years that I’ve lived in Lancaster, Desiderio’s has become a second home to me in addition to my first choice for all of my book launches.  Desiderio’s has earned a reputation for excellence at multiple locations for their exceptional food, personalized service, comfortable atmosphere and unique entertainment.       

In addition to the Voices From The Herd live reading, they’re launching ‘My Three Angels’, a play by Sam and Bella Spewak from Dec.4th through January 30th. It’s the story of three convicts who come to the aid of a good family in need. Call early to book a reservation at 683-7767. Dinner/show packages range from $36-46 depending on your entree. Thurs, Fri, Saturday dinner is 6 p.m. (Show is 8 p.m.). Sunday Dinner is 5 p.m. and Show is 7 p.m.

Desiderio’s has also announced Tom Sartori’s Holiday Caberet on December 16th, 17th, 18th and 19th. Ring in the holidays with a Buffalo native who became a singer, songwriter and recording artist who went on to play all over the country. Tom returns to Buffalo in December to perform the songs of the season with many of the Holiday Tunes you’ve come to love over the years. You’ll definitely leave Desiderio’s with the Joy of the season in your heart.

I truly can’t wait for the Voices From The Herd event on the 6^th.  In a season of giving, we’re looking forward to giving you great entertainment while we all give something back to the Just Buffalo Literary Center.

Happy Holidays (in advance),

Tom Waters

Co-Editor

Voices From The Herd

Barometric Pressure

          A few months ago, a friend suggested that I write an autobiography.  I laughed it off.  After my 35^th birthday and a new creative upsurge, the idea didn’t seem so foolish. 

            Last week I started writing an autobiography.  So far, it’s been challenging, rewarding, difficult, traumatic, hilarious and informative.  Thirty pages in, I’m intrigued by the personality traits and patterns that formed early on in my life and have stuck with me to this day. 

            Much like the next book release in the spring (Mockery) and plans to launch a web site around the same time, I’m not in a hurry to finish this memoir.  Writing it takes more work (and is more exhausting) than anything I’ve ever written including the few research papers and critiques I’ve published.  I’m giving this book a two year window to allow time for editing, insertion of newly surfaced memories and to make sure that it’s a polished narrative instead of a flat, factual journal. 

            With one or two exceptions, I’m striving to reveal everything about my life including the names of people I’ve known, experiences that I’ve had (complimentary to my character or derogatory) and sordid details along the way unless they would cause harm to others. 

            Looking back on 35 years of life, I finally feel like I have enough source material to write an autobiography.  It’s a good vantage point to look back at what I’ve accomplished, where I’ve made grave mistakes, how many friendships I’ve lost, how many relationships have been botched and what sort of small triumphs I’ve had, and how I can learn from these experiences.  I’ve been trying to walk a fine line between peppering the dialogue with historical references, local references, and pop culture mentions without resorting to a Norman Mailer-esque diatribe of over-description.  Working on it so far has been cathartic and amusing.

            It’s funny to think that at a time when I’ve genuinely stopped caring about my career as a writer and stopped trying so hard, things are beginning to fall into place.  The next 35 years are sure to be unpredictable and interesting.  Unlike my essays, this project will stay in the dark until it’s completed.  You’ll just have to be patient and trust that it’s worth reading.  It’s always been said that you should write what you know.  My unique upbringing, my psychological condition and my experiences as a writer are certainly worth further inspection.

Toiling away on something new,

Tom Waters

Big Words Radio Episode 48: Captain Olive Oil & The Plastic Fantastic Funbags

Synopsis: After almost a year without a new show, Tom hops back into the driver’s seat rip-rearing to go with Buffalo music legend and accomplished cocksman Sir Gregg Sansone and Griffin Sansone, a new breed of texting, time signature defying, You-tubing Buffalo musician. Designated driver/co-host Minnick is also present in a physical capacity and the near-acceptable range of his speaking voice contributes something of barely perceivable value to the show. Tom’s star-studded wedding reception remains a point of pride and a bone of contention for all involved.

To hear the show in all of its audial glory, click on: http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

Mevio is giving me a headache with a new design overhaul, but eventually I’ll figure it out and upload the show there, too.

It felt REALLY good to get back to working on the show.  You can rest assured that I’ll have another show by the end of November.  Thanks to Gregg, Griffin, Minnick and producer Richard Wicka for lending their time and talents to the best comeback show ever!

After having so many headaches with brand name adult film and comic book celebrities in terms of making sure they commit to a studio date, going through hoops to contact them in the first place and then rescheduling when they invariably spaced out and forgot what the studio date was even after a one week courtesy reminder, I’d like to go ’back to my roots’ for a little while and get back to what made the show fun in the first place: great guests and highly offensive comedy.

If you’re interested in being on the show in November, please feel free to email me at bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com.  In the mean time, enjoy the new show!

Thanks,

Tom Waters

Imbalance Of Power: The Gamestop Insanity Continues

Imbalance Of Power: The Gamestop Insanity Continues

Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are mine and mine alone. 

            Two months ago, Colleen (the store manager who took over my Thruway store directly after I was dismissed over a paperwork technicality) was fired.  A clear reason was never provided, but the woman who was given a healthy raise and a larger volume store in my wake was let go because her assistant manager was doing something ‘fishy’ with the inventory.  Lisa Roper (who by some miracle is still in charge of a number of Gamestop stores in Buffalo and Rochester) came to the conclusion that if she wasn’t aware of whatever unscrupulous behavior was occurring in her store that she was either in on it or too incompetent to continue on as a store manager.  Colleen and her assistant were fired. 

            Some time over the summer, Regional Director and direct blood relative to one of the owners and founders of Electronics Boutique Kiyeoh Cho was ‘dismissed’.  For those of you who remember, Kiyeoh had the innate ability to sidestep company policy on numerous occasions by firing our DM Mike as well as promoting a store manager (Stewart Nason) to District Manager in the very same District he worked in.  Those of us who actually work for a living will never find out the real reason why he ‘moved on’, but I can assure you that some very sinister company directives are in play as a result.

            Joe and Tony (up until this week) were Store Managers in Lisa Roper’s Rochester District.  Both had begun as Electronics Boutique employees who were inherited with the friendly Gamestop ‘merger’.  Three years ago, an alarming amount of Electronics Boutique DMs were fired.  Two years ago, Lisa Roper fired three store managers in her District.  All of them started at Electronics Boutique and every single one of them were with the company for five years or more.  With no series of corrective actions in place, every one of us were terminated from employment for minor infractions that would normally warrant a written corrective.  Are you starting to see a pattern?

            Tony had an ongoing investigation in-house with Gamestop for Lisa Roper’s negligence as a District Manager and her documented absence in the stores that she is responsible for managing.  Boxes of field destroyed merchandise go ignored, stores that aren’t five minutes away from her house in Clarence are neglected, and the Rochester stores are lucky if they see her three times a year including mandatory store inventories.  Tony’s Regional Director advised him to follow the chain of command, register his complaints and have faith in the dispute resolution process.  In this case, his resolution was unemployment.

            A few weeks ago, a District meeting was held in Buffalo with the newly rotated District Manager Peter Parker.  He asked store managers and staffers for their input on Lisa Roper in what was supposed to be a confidential DM summary.  They complained of no support, no open dialogue and the lack of a physical presence that Lisa provided for the dozen or so stores that she is still being paid to support.  Shortly afterwards, Lisa went off on her own District citing complaints and concerns made from these confidential questionnaires.

            Back to Tony and Joe.  Months ago, a company wide policy was instituted stating that stores were to remain open after normal business hours until midnight launchs.  For example, if a store normally closes at 9 p.m. and they have a midnight launch that evening, they’re keeping their doors open for additional business.  This was never discussed in weekly conference calls but passed along via email. 

            Like myself and the three other managers who were wrongfully terminated in 2007, Tony and Joe had also signed off for company stock options that Gamestop offered to managers who had been with the company for five years or more.  Tony was on target for a sizeable store bonus by years end.  This week, Tony and Joe were fired because they weren’t open during the gap between business hours and an inconsequential midnight launch.  Lisa made the ceremonious trip to Rochester and fired them both in the same day on the sales floor in front of browsing customers so that they wouldn’t cause a scene, claiming that she ‘couldn’t trust them’ anymore.  Tony and Joe had both served 7 years or more with the company garnering more than their share of yearly bonuses, store goals achieved and merchandising directives completed successfully at more than one store each.  They were company men during a time when the company no longer cared about them.

            You can’t tell me that this ongoing rash of firings isn’t money motivated and that Lisa Roper isn’t unfit as a District Manager.  It astonishes me that she’s been allowed to carry out her personal vendetta since signing on with the company after being fired for sleeping with a manager in her District during her time with Starbucks.  Gamestop store managers are hired on in the neighborhood of 26,500 a year these days which is laughable for a living salaried wage.  Electronics Boutique store managers were phased into the company at $32,000 a year or more.  Do the math. 

            It’s a testament to Lisa Roper’s incompetence as a manager and an insult to her as a leader that she chose to fire two successful store managers in a market she never visits two months before Christmas.  She’s shooting herself in the foot again, and despite her predisposition for promoting females into management positions instead of placing qualified employees with years in with the company, she’s grabbing at straws. 

            It’s also come to my attention that Barnes & Noble (Gamestop’s parent company and the corporations that put up the loan to purchase Electronics Boutique) is no longer associated with Gamestop.  This means that either a)Gamestop has paid off their 400 million dollar loan to the company or b)that they no longer want their brand name associated with the likes of a company that continues to reward loyalty with dismissal and hard work with the executive version of minimum wage. 

            I am thoroughly disgusted with Lisa Roper’s actions and they reflect directly upon my perception of Gamestop as a company whole.  Steady numbers, repeat business and a low overhead on pre-owned games may seem appealing to stock buyers, but why would you want to support a company that has no desire to retain a loyal work force?  Why would you want to contribute to a band of pirates who scoop up and buy out their competitors only to brush them out the door after a farce of a friendly merger just to save money?  Why would you spend your holiday dollars in a market where one unqualified woman is misusing her time to ignore the stores she was hired to help and carry out a petty vendetta with managers who only want to see her and talk to her once in a while?

            I strongly URGE you to STOP spending your money at Gamestop.  Period.  There are a million other outlets for videogames and I beg you to sacrifice the tiny convenience of visiting a strip center or submitting to suggestive sales and upselling in favor of putting your money towards companies that know how to treat their employees.  Is your entertainment dollar that frivolous in this economy that you’d throw it away to line the pockets of bigots, bullies and cheapskates?

            Make a sound decision and boycott Gamestop sales this holiday season.  They don’t deserve your holiday dollars and obviously their monopoly has gone straight to their head.  There aren’t many Electronics Boutique employees (or un-neutured male managers) left.  Lisa Roper isn’t fit to manage a corner newsstand let along 13 to 16 stores.  I’ve lost hope in the corporate wisdom of the company and personally, I haven’t purchased a video game since I left in 2008.  My experience with Lisa Roper and Gamestop have soured me on the entertainment format and the industry as a whole.  You make me sick, Gamestop.  Cut the fat as far as your DMs are concerned and get cracking on the image you project to your consumers because it’s catching up to you on a rapid bell curve.

Buying my gift cards at Target, Best Buy or Wal Mart,

Tom Waters

Mockery Alert

Wandering away momentarily from the Buffalo Arts Council scandal, I’d like to talk about my next book.  Code named ‘Mockery’, I’m planning on throwing a curve ball right past home base.  So to speak.

With three years of new material in the can and nine books (including the Voices From The Herd anthology), I’m in no hurry to release or promote something new.  Unless it’s something special. 

The idea hit me like a ton of bricks and after doing a million promotions, in-store appearances and readings over the last ten years, it was time for a change.  I thought about what I enjoyed reading, what made sense and honestly (after both Breathing Rooms), how the content naturally fit.  It’s time for a book devoted to what I do best: comedy.

Over the course of a weekend, I took about 300 pages of essays and picked out my favorites.  The lean, mean beasts of the pack.  Out of all of the available material, I harvested 130 choice pages of concentrated hilarity and lined them up to mirror the pacing, timing and structure of a standup comedy routine, with light laughs and superficial material at the beginning leading in to the crux of my angst and closing out with a strong, steady finish that brings it all back around. 

I’m a slow learner.  We’ve been over this.  But personally, as a reader, I’ve always enjoyed reading essay collections that top out at around 130 pages.  I love Andy Rooney, but he runs too long for his own good.  The funniest book I’ve ever read (or in all likelihood, will ever read) is Steve Martin’s Pure Drivel, which closes out at 130 tight, well constructed pages.  It’s high time to follow the path that Hemingway and Fitzgerald carved out.  Less is more, and economy of line packs more of a wallop than a whopper of a book in weight.

The material I’ve chosen has a flow that’s refreshing compared to my previous collections.  I’m very excited, and it’s been a long time since I’ve gotten worked up over my own work.  With a new direction and a vastly evolved battle plan, I’ve got a fresh start.  I’ll be hammering out a lower price point, too, which will attract a larger base of readers.

Slapstick & Superego was a beautiful project and a great book, and I’m proud of the material, the appearance and the layout.  I jumped ship on the promotions though simply because I was exhausted from promoting.  With Mockery, I feel energized because everything feels new again, so Slapstick will get the readings and signings it deserved right alongside Mockery. 

I’m proud to note that graphic designer Evangeline Barbour is heading up the cover design and interior of the book.  We’ve got a very specific look for this book that appeal to my vintage graphic novel sensibilities.  Fan favorite Mike Hilliard (better known as Intentionally Bald Mike) will be penning the intro.  I’m also in the midst of discussions with web/graphic designer Brian Platter (Six Shot Studios) for a brand new web site due out before or at the same time as the book launch that wows, informs and titillates.

            The sad news is that you’re just going to have to be patient for the new book, as I’m taking my time with this one.  Tentatively slated for a spring of ’11 release, I’m going to make sure this baby is perfect before we deliver it to the rest of the world.  Trust me when I say it’ll be worth the wait.  Throw your preconceived expectations out the window and strap yourself in for a reading experience that’ll make you laugh yourself into a brain aneurysm.  I’m not even kidding.         

Stay tuned,

Tom Waters

New Devolopments…

It appears that I was wrong concerning the Buffalo Arts Council misappropriation of funds story. According to a close source, the person involved spent above and beyond her entertainment budget without the receipts to back up the expenses. I’m reevaluating the situation and turning the facts over in my head.

The previous post, however, received a lot of positive replies and affirmations regarding the other topics presented. 

One Buffalo writer wrote that ‘This needed to be said. Please submit it to the Buffalo News as a My View. My guess is they don’t have the stones to publish it.’  So I did just that.  We’ll see if it runs in the next week and since it is topical, there’s a good chance it might.

A prominent local television host wrote that  ‘I have noticed exactly this since moving back here in 1991. I have exposed it in zines, tv & radio shows for years. This observation is correct. I know from being one of the “excluded”…’

A close source wrote me with the new facts.  According to them, ‘(this individual’s) job was to represent the whole arts community by going to conferences, meeting with funding agencies, and overseeing the day to day operations of the Arts Council, in other words “mind the store”.  She was renting a car and going to art conferences and paying the entry fee (saving her receipts). Buying office supplies (saving her receipts). The problem was she was OVERSPENDING the amount allowed in the budget. ‘

‘…They called in the District Attorney’s office. Somehow the Buffalo News erroneously reported that she had a gambling problem. (This individual) showed up in court, produced the receipts from every expenditure, the DA pointed out that she should have known she was going over budget and not “hidden” it from the board. It was her job to “mind the store”. The judge put her on probation and told her she must pay back all the money she spent without board approval.’

And another person involved in the arts in Buffalo wrote simply, ‘Preach on, brotha man!’

As a journalist, the facts should have been checked.  Thank you all for your emails and your opinions on the elitist nature of the arts scene in Buffalo as well as the hidden truth behind such a sensational story.  I’m not sure if overspending an allotted budget somehow makes the situation morally better than gambling it away because that seems like a pretty large margin of error, but at least we’re a bit more informed. 

I apologize for the oversight,

Tom Waters

Misappropriation, Cronyism and Embezzlement

            I was very distressed this week when I found out that a well-respected member of the artistic community embezzled $25,000 from the Buffalo Arts Council by making withdrawals from Casino ATM machines during regularly scheduled business hours.  The act itself was appalling for someone of her stature, and to add insult to injury, she claimed that she wanted to go ‘on the record’ by saying that the money wasn’t used for gambling and that she used the funds to entertain clients.  Are you kidding me?  Anyone would find it hard to believe that the money was put to good use wowing prospective artists or donors by taking them on repeated buffet visits or concert appearances when the main purpose of any casino visit is gambling.  To the woman involved, shame on you.  What you’ve done will affect our credibility for years and perhaps decades to come.

            The artistic community in Buffalo is a fairly small, close knit group and it doesn’t take long for news to make its way through the circuit.  Financially, the Buffalo arts scene has been hurting for years and a transgression like this not only doesn’t help, it’s unforgivable.  With recent budget cuts to the Arts Council and the ripple effect of an economy where most households are struggling just to maintain a modest standard of living, it’s very unfortunate that one individual would abuse money sanctioned for the encouragement of a creative culture in Buffalo. 

            A lot of writers, poets, artists and journalists have spoken to me about the elitist nature in the Buffalo Arts scene.  How a select group of established professionals, professors, editors, center members and regularly scheduled hosts have managed to promote and endorse each other at the cost of excluding those of us who put forth a sincere effort to contribute creatively to our community, whether we’re writing books, performing at open readings, networking or trying time and again to get our work published.  While I remain slightly skeptical, it’s hard to be when I run into the same faces and names who receive grants from their buddies, front tables at trade shows or full newspaper spreads on their vanity publishing projects.  This may sound like sour grapes to those outside the community, but trust me, I’m not the only one who’s noticed. 

            I don’t mind sticking my neck out because, well, I’ve got a reputation for it and I honestly don’t care what the consequences are.  My career as a writer is established enough that any blowback will be minimal.  Buffalo should take this as a sign in a series of blunders that perhaps it’s time to let some new blood into the fold before our artistic circle gains the same reputation that our area politicians are stuck with: cronyism. 

Instead of helping out your buddies and misappropriating government funds, you should start thinking about what’s best for Buffalo and give more credit to those of us who have been tirelessly attempting to express ourselves freely and, in most cases, out of our own pockets.  Not only is it crucial to nurture new voices and talents, it’s essential to building a strong legacy for our culture.

Myself and the other two editors involved with Voices From The Herd set up the project so that the proceeds are sent directly to the Just Buffalo Literary Center by quarterly payment through lulu.com without any interference.  That way the non-profit nature of the project maintains its integrity and the money goes towards the betterment and continued success of the Center. 

There are a lot of talented people who work very hard year in and year out to entertain, enlighten and challenge readers, listeners and book buyers in Buffalo and I hope that we can all move past one individual’s gross indiscretions by learning from them and growing as a collective group.

Sincerely,

Tom Waters

One More Thing I Love About Lulu/Sir Gregg Sansonne Rocking The Keyboards

In addition to the rest of the products and services that lulu offers to authors, they’ve added the ability to discount our books.  So I’m going to try a little experiment.  For the month of October, all of the books available from Doubt It Publishing on lulu.com will be 10% off.  For those of you who start your holiday shopping in September, now’s the time to jump on a great deal for friends and family who like laughing and like reading.  If book sales improve, I might keep it that way.  If not, whelp, it was worth trying out.  All you have to do is click on the links to the right for Slapstick & Superego, Breathing Room vol.I or vol.II and even 12 Priests and 3 Gnomes by David Waters and BAM!, you’re right there.  Ladies and gentleman, start your orders!

In other developments, musician and long time pal in ‘this business of show’ Gregg Sansonne has been tentatively booked for the next episode of Big Words Radio on October 28th.  I’ve wanted to do an in-studio concert with a split format for some time now (half interview, half private show) and we could finally pull it off.  Gregg’s a 4-time consecutive Buffalo Music Award winner (Artist Of The Year) and I’ve been a fan of his performances since 2001.  We should be in for a real treat when he hunkers down in the studio with me.   That’s all I’ve got for you this week, so have a great one.

Tom Waters

Voices From The Herd Reading Booked For Friday, November 5th! Mark Your Calendars!

Hey all,
     Justine and Cindy have booked a reading on Friday, November 5th at 7:30 p.m. at Spot Coffee on the corner of Delaware and Chippewa for the first of many promotions for Voices From The Herd.  If you are a contributor and you would like to read and/or attend, please JOIN the discussion on the official group page and state your intentions.  They’ve asked me to message all of you so that we can reach as many members as possible.  If you aren’t a contributor and you’re interested in attending so that you can support Just Buffalo and the project by buying a copy of the book and having it signed by the contributors, please join the discussion on the group page and let us know about that, too.   We’d like to have a ballpark idea of how many copies to bring to Spot so that we don’t sell out before we meet demand.
     And finally, if anyone is willing to loan PA equipment for the event, we’re looking for a microphone, a mic stand and some speakers/equalizers for the event.  Please remember that this is a non-profit publicity junket, so any help would be appreciated. 
     Thank you in advance for your interest in Voices From The Herd and we hope to see you there!
Tom Waters
Co-Editor

Big Words Radio Garners A New Crowd, Voices From The Herd Gathers Momentum

Something strange happened in September.  Sadly (for reasons unknown) the people at mypodcast.com shut down the Big Words Radio site.  After checking the Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour at mevio.com, I noticed an uptick on downloads.  At the close of the month, almost 500 episodes have been downloaded evenly between all 65 existing shows.  This is a considerable surge in traffic. 

It’s been five months since a new show was posted and ten since I’ve been in the studio.  Obviously, people are listening, so it’s time to get back in there and churn out some comedy gold.  I’ve booked some studio time at Think Twice Radio for Thursday, October 28^th at 7 p.m. and I fully intend on making the most of it.  I’m working on getting some new types of celebrity guests for the show; comedians, actors, national musicians, etc. 

One of the main reasons I stopped doing the show was because of sudden celebrity and/or co-host cancellations.  A lot of prep work goes into each episode and it was aggravating when someone like, say, Mary Carey spaced on the date or when someone thought it was for the following week even after I sent out one week reminder emails.   This is bound to happen, but we had an alarming string of them. 

New co-host Kevin Minnick will be joining me in the studio.  I’ve put the feelers out for a guest and I’ll let you know when we’ve confirmed one.  If you have any suggestions or a lead on a celebrity guest, email the show at bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com. 

In other news, Voices From The Herd: An Anthology For Buffalo, NY has already raised almost $200 for the Just Buffalo Literary Center.  Just Buffalo had a chance to look at the book and they were very pleased with the appearance and the content within.  Editor Cindy Mantai and Justine Janora will be launching a publicity campaign for the book this fall and for the upcoming holiday season.  If you haven’t purchased a copy yet ($13), you can do so by visiting lulu.com or by clicking the Voices From The Herd link in the right hand column of this site. 

That’s all for now.  Stay tuned for more details.  Thanks,

Tom Waters     

Voices From The Herd gets a comprehensive write-up in The Buffalo News’ Artsbeat Blog

     In what we hope is the first of many critiques on the anthology, R.D. Pohl (the News’ Poetry Editor) gave Voices From The Herd an extensive review on the anthology in The Buffalo News’ Artsbeat blog along with praise for individual pieces from the book, relief over the lack of long-winded introduction, it’s status among other recent Buffalo releases and anthologies, and a quizzical look at the nature of the project itself.

     In response to the lack of African American or Latino voices in the book, unfortunately, the three of us didn’t receive any black or hispanic submissions. While they would have been welcome (and certainly would have added to the well-rounded melting pot of backgrounds and history of Buffalo), we chose to move forward with publishing the book after posting a call for submissions multiple times on numerous web sites as well as in most of Buffalo’s print publications. A sincere thanks goes out to Mr. Pohl for taking the time to give notice and mostly positive praise for Voices From The Herd. To read the July 24th review, just follow the link: http://blogs.buffalonews.com/artsbeat/2010/07/is-there-a-herd-mentality-in-the-new-buffalo-anthology.html

Cheers, Tom Waters

Voices From The Herd: An Anthology For Buffalo, NY and 12 Priests and 3 Gnomes by David Waters from Doubt It Publishing

 

Hey all,

    While I’ve been enjoying some time off from promoting, writing and broadcasting, I haven’t exactly been sitting on my thumbs.  Much of the last six months has been spent finishing up two long-term projects for Doubt It Publishing that mean a lot to me for different reasons.

    A few days ago, Cindy Mantai, Alycia Ripley and myself released Voices From The Herd: An Anthology For Buffalo, NY.  The book is a ’compilation of flash fiction and nonfiction, as well as poetry. Topics include modern day Buffalo life, Buffalo landmarks, and Buffalonians in general. All royalties will go towards the betterment and continued success of the Just Buffalo Literary Center.’

    Due to the nature of the project, I won’t be selling any copies by hand.  We set up the account on lulu so that 100% of the proceeds are sent directly to the Just Buffalo Literary Center.  With over 30 of the most talented writers in Buffalo, the book covers a wide range of interesting Buffalonian lore from the history of the Memorial Auditorium to growing up with the Bills to the October surprise storm.  This project took three years to complete, and I’m proud to see that it’s finally arrived.  To order a copy directly ($13 for the paperback and $5 for the download), click on over to:

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/voices-from-the-herd-an-anthology-for-buffalo-ny/11707455?productTrackingContext=search_results/search_shelf/center/2

    Cindy Mantai (one of the three editors) will be handling the promotions and marketing for Voices From The Herd while author and co-editor Alycia Ripley will be fielding press interviews.  After three continuous years of promoting three separate books, I’ll be sitting this one out and leaving the publicity in the capable hands of Cindy, Alycia and the rest of the contributors.   

    And a few months ago, my brother David and I released 12 Priests and 3 Gnomes, his first collection of poetry in a series of six.  It’s an interesting read full of introspective, experimental poetry with an extremely surreal wraparound cover design.  To order a copy of David’s book ($13 for paperback and $5 for the download), click your way over to:

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/12-priests-and-3-gnomes/10637045?productTrackingContext=search_results/search_shelf/center/1

    David’s only intention for the book was to release it, not to promote it.  Unlike his older brother, you won’t find him plugging his book relentlessly around town and beyond.  Once we finished 12 Priests and 3 Gnomes, we immediately starting working on the next book in the series. 

    So that’s two interesting new additions to the Doubt It Publishing roster.  And if you haven’t picked them up yet, Slapstick & Superego and Breathing Room volumes I and II are still available as well at:

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=977457 . 

    I’d like to thank everyone involved with Voices From The Herd for donating their time and talents to such an impressive body of work.  It’s a great book for a great cause, so please pick up a copy.  

Thanks,

Tom Waters 

Big Words Radio Episode XXXXVII: ‘The People Vs. Salty Meat Flaps’

Okay, I know it’s been a long time since I’ve done a new show, but here’s something to tide you over:

 

Episode XXXXVII: ‘The People vs. Salty Meat Flaps’
After a sudden guest cancellation (and now that the statute of
limitations is up on his benefits), Tom decides to air a previously
unreleased episode wherein he and co-host Curt Kuczkowski (a.k.a. DJ
Soma) appeal his Gamestop unemployment benefits during a hearing at
the Department Of Labor in downtown Buffalo.  Grievances are aired,
Gamestop is a no-show and the boys dispel some of the myths in Tom’s
case file.

SPOILER ALERT! (A week after the hearing, the DOL ruled in Tom’s favor.)

 

To hear the show in full audio quality, click on over to:

http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

 

You can also hear bonus clips and additional episodes over at: http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

 

The MyPodcast site is experiencing temporary technical difficulties, so unfortunately, this show won’t be available there (or on iTunes) for another week or so. 

 

Enjoy!

Tom Waters

Big Words Radio Episode XXXXVI: ‘Peep Show’ with Joe Matt!

Better late than never….

After a scheduling snafu with guest Joe Matt (without a home computer, he didn’t have time to check the original date at the library), we reconvened the phone interview at Think Twice yesterday on December 8th. This worked out well, as one of my original co-hosts dropped out (Ian Chrystal) due to the fact that he moved to New Orleans and my other original co-host (Don from Don’s Atomic Comics) couldn’t make the original studio date. During the interim, former Monster Of Verse and gifted comic writer artist in his own right Kyle Kaczmarzcyk (The Red Eye) joined the co-hosting team for the show and brought his own brand of spiced summer sausage into the mix. At any rate, here’s your synopsis:

Episode XXXXVI: ‘Peep Show’ : Tom and dual co-hosts Don (from Don’s Atomic Comics) and Kyle Kaczmarczyk pick mythic writer artist Joe Matt’s brain (Spent, The Poor Bastard, Fair Weather) about his next graphic novel project, the future of the comics industry, digital inking and Viewmaster Reels.

To hear the show in full audio quality, click your way over to: http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html  

If you want to listen to the show in addition to bonus episodes, sound clips and pretty pictures, park your butt over at: http://www.bigwordsradio.mypodcast.com

…and you can still subscribe to the show for free on ‘the iTunes’ by searching ‘Big Words Radio’ under your podcast browser.

…and finally, you can rate the show, become a fan, or post comments on individual episodes over at: http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

A big thanks goes out to Joe Matt for rolling with the punches during the show, Drawn & Quarterly Publishers for putting me in touch, Don for peppering the show with glowing praise, Kyle for continuing to tolerate my abuse, and producer Richard Wicka for playing ringmaster during the proceedings. I’d also like to bid a fond farewell to Ian Chrystal and his lovely girlfriend Rachel now that they’ve uprooted. We’re going to miss you, your pithy commentary and your surly demeanor.

My next studio date is at the beginning of February and I’m hard at work on booking a quality guest. Don and I both talked on the ride home about finding a happy balance on the show between completely over-the-top offensive comedy and an informative interview talk-show format. Obviously, I’m still working on that. Stay tuned for more episodes. I’m sure I can fit one in some time in January if the right guest(s) pop up…..

Tom Waters

Big Words Radio Episode XXXXV: ‘Segway’ with Canto V, countdown to Joe Matt!

I had some difficulties posting this show, but after ironing out some kinks with the bit rate, it finally posted today:

Episode XXXXV Synopsis:Wherein the Big Words One Man Mobile Unit hangs with progressive metal-heads Canto V during a rehearsal for an upcoming sold-out concert at Club Diablo. Tom bumps his head on the basement ceiling, refers to drummer Eric Dietz by the wrong name and finds multiple occasions to insult returning co-host Jeff Schmithe.

-To tune in, click on over to http://www.bigwordsradio.mypodcast.com. You can also subscribe for free to Big Words Radio on ‘the iTunes’.

This is a super-sized episode clocking in at an hour and seven minutes, so there wasn’t any room for intro/outro music. Thanks to Diabetes Dave and the rest of the band for a great concert. If you have a chance, check them out this Friday (December 4th) at Club Diablo!
And speaking of shows, we’re just three days away from comic icon Joe Matt! Tune in this Thursday night for what’s sure to be an entertaining hour with the offbeat artist/writer behind Spent, Fair Weather and The Poor Bastard.

Big Words Radio Episode XXXXIV: ‘Two Rooms At The End Of The World’

There’s an interesting story behind this one…

Initially, I tried to secure comic wunderkinds Mike Carey OR Joe Matt for the show.  By some quirk of fate, writer Mike Carey AND artist Peter Gross (Unwritten, Lucifer) agreed to a dual interview.  To top it all off, Joe Matt agreed to the next studio show on December 3rd!  Here is your synopsis:

Episode XXXXIV: ‘Two Rooms At The End Of The World’

Tom talks with Eisner-Award winning writer Mike Carey and Eisner-Award winning artist Peter Gross about their new best-selling DC/Vertigo series ‘The Unwritten’. Co-host Jeff Schmithe shows up and fails terribly.

To hear the show in full audio quality, click on: http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

For the show and a cover photo from Unwritten, visit: http://www.bigwordsradio.mypodcast.com

You can also subscribe to the show by searching ‘Big Words Radio’ under the Podcasts section on ‘the iTunes’.

Thanks to Mike and Peter for coordinating the interview even with the time difference in England.  Thanks also to Ian Chrystal for an assist on the Q&A where artistic questions are concerned.  I’d also like to wish producer Richard Wicka a happy birthday.

Tune in on December 3rd for Joe Matt with co-hosts Don and Ian from DON’S ATOMIC COMICS!

Thanks,

Tom Waters

Big Words Radio ‘Parter Of Two’ With Reverse Vector!

            After a less than optimal recording session at Faso’s in August, Pheonix Resistance disbanded.  And like a pheonix rising from the ashes, Johnny Pharaoh (the Artist formerly known as Johnny Berlin) formed a new band (Reverse Vector) and we went back to the drawing board to record two new shows live from Club Lobdell on location at Rushford Lake with special outspoken guest Auntie Linda!  Here are your synopses:

 

Episode XXXXII: ‘Reverse Vector Live At Club Lobdell!’

Johnny Pharaoh (the Artist formerly known as Johnny Berlin) and Tyler Christian of the newly formed super band Reverse Vector rock out with their scotch cocks out at the luxurious Club Lobdell located on ‘this Lake Of Rushford’.

 

Episode XXXXIII: ‘Auntie Linda Strikes Back!’

In Part One of a ‘parter of two’ that will rock your partials out, Tom interviews band life partners Johnny Pharoah and Tyler Christian of the newly formed Reverse Vector at ground zero in Club Lobdell on Rushford Lake. Like an insidious venereal disease, Auntie Linda rears her ugly head and bares her scotch-soaked claws towards her only son…

 To hear both shows, click on over to:

http://www.bigwordsradio.mypodcast.com

-or-

http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

-You can also subscribe to the show for free on ‘the iTunes’ by searching ‘Big Words Radio’ in the podcasts section.

     Thanks to Johnny, Tyler and Auntie Linda for knocking one out of the park the second time around.  Linda definitely brought more hilarity to the table that we wouldn’t have if we published the first two shows. 

            My next Think Twice in-studio date is on Thursday, October 22^nd at 7 p.m.  I’m still working on a celebrity guest, but there are a few avenues I’m exploring.  It’s going to be tough to top John Valby, but I’m sure as hell going to try.  Have a great week,

            Tom Waters

Big Words Radio Episode XXXXI: ‘Sing, F&%#in’ Sing!’ with guest John Valby

What a great show yesterday!  It took a lot of prep work and more than a few emails back and forth, but it was worth it.  Here’s your synopsis:

 

Episode XXXXI: ‘Sing, F&%#in’ Sing!’

Tom and co-host Lindsay 2 talk to Buffalo legend John ‘Dr. Dirty’ Valby about marriage, politics and an internship in boob autographs.

 

    To listen to the episode on Think Twice, click your way over to:

    http://www.thinktwiceradio.com/tom-waters/tom-waters.html

 

    To hear the show on the official Big Words Radio site (accompanied by an adorable photo of John),

    click on over to:http://www.bigwordsradio.mypodcast.com

    or subscribe for FREE on iTunes by searching ‘Big Words Radio’ in the Podcast section. 

    You can also hear the episode later this weekend at: http://www.bigwords.mevio.com

    

    A big thanks goes out to John Valby as well as John’s manager Paul Lamanna for helping to put this interview together.  John was a treat to interview, tremendously down to earth, and hilarious in everyday conversation.  Another big thanks goes out to Lindsay 2 for stepping up to the plate admirably as a co-host as well as her husband Nico for making frequent beer runs during the taping of the episode.  Thanks also to Richard Wicka at Think Twice for smoothing me out when I went into freakout mode shortly after 7 p.m. when the phone wasn’t ringing.

    What the hell are you waiting for?  Dial up the show on your intraweb already!

    Tom Waters

Monday Big Words Update: S&S Launch Saturday, WYRK tomorrow, John Valby Thursday!

            It’s gonna be a busy week.

            Tomorrow morning, I’ll be driving downtown to talk to Clay and Dale at Country 106.5 FM (WYRK) to give away some books on the air and discuss the big Slapstick & Superego launch at Magruder’s this weekend.  If you’re listening in, I should be on some time after 8 a.m.      This Thursday, I’ll have the distinct pleasure of interviewing John ‘Dr. Dirty’ Valby at the Think Twice Radio studio for Episode 41 of The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour.  Valby is a Buffalo music legend and I look forward to finding out what makes him tick over the course of the hour. 

            And this Saturday, the Slapstick & Superego book launch is finally hitting at Magruder’s in Lancaster from 6 p.m.-10 p.m.  After responding to your feedback from a questionnaire last spring and tailoring this launch to reader responses, I truly hope that there’s a record turnout for this event since this is my first booking at Magruder’s and I’d like it to be successful for both of us.  For those attending, the launch will take place on the second floor of the building.  Signed copies of the book will be available for $19.99, so bring your wallet and a sense of humor!  September looks like it may be too hectic for any readings or in-store promotions, so this will probably be your only chance to get the book before October!  Don’t miss out!

            Night Life Magazine drops this week with ‘Babes On A Plane’, a rant about, well, babies on planes from Slapstick & Superego. 

            That’s all I’ve got for today.  I hope to see you all this Saturday at Magruder’s and wish me luck tomorrow and Thursday!

            Tom Waters

Monday Big Words Update!: Obstruction

Yeah…

The Pheonix Resistance show went less than satisfactory for me on the recording end or the band while they were performing last Friday. Blame it on the Big Words poltergeist or band-related drama, but I’ll be reviewing the audio this week to find out if portions of the show are worth salvaging or if we’ll have to scrap the whole evening and start over from scratch.

And I’m officially blocked, so, much like previous blocks, I won’t be updating on the site too often aside from Mondays until further notice. I’ll be spending a lot of my down time in the coming months promoting Slapstick & Superego along with working on the remaining submissions that Alycia Ripley and I have left for the Buffalo Anthology Project, so stay tuned here for S & S updates and feel free to visit the anthology site over at http://www.buffaloanthology.blogspot.com for any relevant information regarding that. Aside from that, I’m sure I’ve got twelve to fourteen months of a creative blackout to look forward to, so I’ll spare both of us the anguish/aggravation of giving you a play-by-play on it.

Night Life magazine hits the stands this week with the conclusion to ‘A Preacher, A Rabbi and a Minister Go Into A Bank At The Same Time’, my essay from First Person, Last Straw about the perils of organized religion. That’s all I’ve got for this week. If something else pops up, I’ll be sure to drop you all a line.

Take care,

Tom Waters

Monday Big Words Update! Post Infringement/Pre-Pheonix Resistance

 Whelp, last week was interesting. 

The Kahle & Co. radio show went very well last Wednesday on 1340 AM.  Brian Kahle and myself riffed away, talked about the new book, and of course, I worked in more plugs than I should have.  Thanks are in order to Brian for being kind (or daring) enough to have me on the show again.  While Lockport is a bit of a hike, he’s got a very loyal audience and I always appreciate their time.

The 5^th annual Buffalo Infringement Festival also wrapped up over the weekend and I had an interesting time reading at Nobody’s Art Space on Elmwood and Forest.  A special thanks goes out to Josh Smith and the rest of the Infringement organizers for giving me the freedom to either read or set up a table at my scheduled events.  Josh also got a five minute sound byte out of me for his own radio show, ‘The Way Up’, which you can listen to at thinktwiceradio.com or on ‘the iTunes’. 

This upcoming Friday, I’ll be recording a ‘parter of two’ at Faso’s Grateful Bear & Grill on 1506 Abbott Rd. in Lackawanna.  The event?  None other than The Pheonix Resistance (whom all of you got to hear first-hand at the Big Words Radio Anniversary party) performing a live concert at Faso’s!  I’ll be interviewing Johnny Berlin and the rest of the band before the show itself and the band will start tearing it up some time around 9 p.m.  Tickets will be $3 at the door, so if you want to be part of the next Big Words Radio Show, stop on out!

Speaking of events (nudge nudge), we’re less than a month away from the official Slapstick & Superego Book Release Party at Magruder’s Restaurant on Saturday, August 29^th from 6 p.m.-10 p.m.  If you haven’t marked your calendars yet, please do so now.  Attendance is free but book purchases ($19.99) are strongly encouraged. 

And finally, the new issue of Night Life hits stands today with Part 1 of  ‘A Preacher, A Minister And A Rabbi Walk Into A Bank At The Same Time’, the religious tirade I read on Episode XXXIV of Big Words Radio. 

And that’s all the news that’s fit to print this week.  I’ll talk to you all in a few days,

Tom Waters

Monday Big Words Update! Kahle & Co. This Weds., WYRK in August, Snafu w/Infringement…

For those of you who follow me on Twitter, have me as a friend on Facebook (or joined the Big Words I Know By Heart Group or the Big Words Radio Group), you’ve gotten your share of sneak peaks for each Monday and Wednesday Update as each newsworthy item develops. So if you haven’t yet, feel free to friend me and join the groups! Now on to everything else…

I’ll be going on the ‘Kahle & Co.’ radio show this Wednesday at 12:30 p.m. on 1370 AM (WLVL) to talk with Brian Kahle about Slapstick & Superego as well as the upcoming launch. Make sure to tune in since Brian and I always manage to have a good time getting caught up. I also got a confirmation late last week that I’ll be going on Country 106.5 WYRK on Tuesday, August 25th with Clay and Dale in the morning (around 8 or 8:30 AM) to talk about the book launch a few days beforehand. Clay and Dale are great guys and I’m really looking forward to going back for the first time in a few years to talk shop with them.

I also had a great time taking part in the Buffalo Infringement Festival at Neitsche’s two days ago. There were a lot of great bands, I ran into a few people I wasn’t expecting to run into, and Kyle Kaczmarzcyk and I split a table and did the meet-and-greet with many of the festival attendees. Unfortunately, I was off on my times for BOTH shows I was supposed to participate in on Sunday and was unable to make either of them. This was a minor scheduling error that turned into a massive clusterf&%#k, so I apologize if you came out to see me at either event. I rarely (if ever) miss a gig, but when I do, it’s a doozy, so again, sincere apologies…

 As for Big Words Radio, both new sites are tracking at around 352 total downloads for the month of July. Not too shabby. I’ve got two or three more episodes to post on mevio.com and I’m phasing one ‘classic’ Big Words show per week on podomatic, so it’s nice to see that the show is picking up new listeners via multiple avenues on the web as well as ‘the Ipod’. It would be really nice if mypodcast.com could get their stat tracker back up on running, but I’m not holding my breath.

And finally, Night Life magazine rolls out this week with part 2 of ‘Perpetual Estrogen’, my categorical essay on the universal traits of women. Grab it while it’s out!

So please tune in to WLVL this Wednesday or if you have the time and inclination, catch me at Nobody’s Art Space this Saturday or Nietsche’s this Sunday for the final lap of the Buffalo Infringement Festival! Have a great week,

Tom Waters

Monday Big Words Update! Slapstick Launch Revisited, Infringement, Kahle & Co. Visit, & John Valby Booked For Big Words Radio!

Okay, I’ve got a helluva lot of ground to cover this week, so I’ll attempt to do it as quickly as possible…. First off, if you didn’t catch the announcement last week, the official book launch for Slapstick & Superego is going down on Saturday, August 29th at Magruder’s Restaurant (2nd floor) from 6-10 p.m.. Signed first editions will be available for $19.99, so mark your calendar and round up the calvalry.

Secondly, I’ll be at the Buffalo Infringement Festival this weekend as well as next weekend to hawk some books and perhaps read some new material. For times and locations, click on over to their web site at: http://infringebuffalo.org/showInfo.php?id=51.

Next Wednesday, I’ll be popping in to talk to long-time pal Brian Kahle about the new book and the book launch during his ‘Kahle & Company’ radio show on 1340 AM at 12:30 on WLVL. Brian’s a great guy with a loyal following and I always make a point of popping in on his show every time a new book comes out, so tune in if you’ve got the time.

And speaking of radio shows, I got confirmation this weekend that John ‘Dr.Dirty’ Valby will be appearing on the next studio episode of Big Words Radio on Thursday, August 27th at 7 p.m.! John is a legend in the Buffalo music scene and I’m exhilarated that I’ll have a chance to sit down and talk to him about his illustrious career. As far as Big Words Radio goes, I’ve posted over 30 existing shows onto the new sister site at www.bigwords.mevio.com. In seven days, the show has been downloaded 70 times so far and their audience is just getting their first taste! The stat breakdown is pretty comprehensive, and it gives me the benefit of a full breakdown on individual episodes downloaded, most popular shows, etc. All 50+ shows should be up on mevio by week’s end.

And finally, Night Life magazine drops this week with Part 1 of ‘Perpetual Estrogen’, a categorical look at the universal rules regarding women. Grab a copy on stands everywhere!

With a clear launch date, I’ll be devoting more time this week to setting up promotional spots leading up to the launch as well as a bevy of appearances throughout the fall following the launch. The motto for the S&S junket will be ‘less is more’: less appearances with more publicity behind each individual booking. After coming out of a six month junket with both Breathing Rooms, I’d rather make each spot count than exhaust myself with an obstacle course of endless spots. The next twelve months should be twice as successful and just as busy as the last twelve.

So stop out to Infringement this weekend, tune into 1340 next Wednesday and I’ll drop you all a line later this week!

 Sincerely,

Tom Waters

Quixote Wednesday Update! At Long Last, The Slapstick & Superego Book Launch Announcement!

            After a lengthy online questionnaire, plenty of feedback and half a summer of ironing out the fine details, I’m pleased to announce the official launch for Slapstick & Superego. 

            You are cordially invited to attend a live (and recorded) evening of comedy to commemorate the release of my eighth book on Saturday, August 29^th from 6-10 p.m. on the second floor of Magruder’s restaurant located at 4995 Broadway in Lancaster.  Mark your calendar now because the evening is going to be one to remember. Admission will be free, but multiple book purchases are strongly encouraged.   

            Thanks to all of you for your feedback regarding the impending launch.  Out of all the responses I received, the one deal-breaker came down to everyone’s desire that the launch take place on a weekend, so you got your wish.  After an hour or two of rants, I’ll be selling and signing First Edition copies of Slapstick & Superego for the eminently reasonable price of $19.99.   

            I’d like to book a band (acoustic or soft rock, preferably), but nothing is confirmed yet.  I’ll keep you posted after I put the feelers out to a few people.    

            As a longtime resident of Lancaster, I’ve always preferred to conduct the book launches in my town, spreading out to the city of Buffalo and beyond afterwards.  I’m a small town guy at heart, and I’d rather run the regional gauntlet afterwards. 

            Expect five or six months of promotions in bookstores, bars and reading venues all over Buffalo afterwards, but if you want to scoop the book up on day one, call your sitter, ask off from work or ride out with your friends, because this particular book starts at Magruder’s. 

            I’ll be putting some time in over the next five or six weeks setting up radio spots, interviews and press coverage to publicize this event.  Please bring your friends, round up a posse and call in the do what you can so that we can make this the biggest event Lancaster has seen to date!

            All early responses on the book have been through the roof.  All of the reader feedback I’ve received thus far shows that this book is going to go the distance.  Let’s launch it in style and show the rest of Buffalo what they have to look forward to.

            I’m psyched with the new venue, the launch date, and a solid battle plan.  Early copies have been selling through by the bushel. 

            I can’t wait.

            See you there?

            Tom Waters

Monday Big Words Update! Convergence

            Thank GOD I’ve got a word processing program again.  After six weeks without one, I’m surprised that I made it without clawing the walls like DeSade.  The only problem is that I’m blocked now, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing considering that there’s a lot of other things that need immediate attention.

            I’ll be devoting most of my free time this week to a) working on the Buffalo Anthology now that the final deadline came and went, b) writing a review on Kyle Kaczmarzcyk’s newly released Red Eye trade paperback (for ordering info visit: http://www.zombieworx.com), c) meeting on Tuesday with a certain Lancaster establishment regarding a late August book launch for Slapstick & Superego (and not the place you’d think), and d) porting the radio show over to some new sites. 

            At the risk of confusing the hell out of everybody, the stat tracker on mypodcast.com. has gone haywire and isn’t recording the amount of downloads performed since the beginning of June.  This is a serious issue and it doesn’t appear as if anyone is monitoring the site for maintenance purposes.  So if it’s not too much trouble (or if you haven’t heard the original shows yet), I’d prefer it if you listened to the show at either http://www.bigwordsradio.podomatic.com or http://www.bigwords.mevio.com.  After signing up and uploading to about two dozen sites in the last week, though, Mevio appears to be the site where I’ll be permanently moving my base of operations.  They’ve got unlimited space, easy upload interface, and a lot of other positive factors in their favor.  The podomatic site is restricted in terms of space, so I’ll be uploading one classic Big Words show per week and phasing out the oldest one if you feel like subscribing from there.  This whole process should take about a month to complete. 

            As for the official web site (http://www.tomfoolery4.wordpress.com) the unique hits took a sharp uphill climb yesterday to the tune of 90 unique hits (with the majority of hits coming from the Mitchell’s Tavern fiasco).  Stats are important to me because I like to see what shows and posts are getting play and which ones aren’t.  I also broke down and joined Twitter, so if you want to add me, you can find me under tomfoolery4. 

            Okay, enough technical mumbo jumbo.  Thanks for all the feedback on last week’s Quixote Wednesday post.  The general consensus is that I should keep bitching when I feel like it, so if I’ve got a bone to pick on a Wednesday, I’ll post it.  If I don’t, I’ll write some time later in the week just to check in with you.  Sound good?   Fair enough.

            That’s really all I’ve got for you this week.  Scoop up Night Life magazine this week for ‘Beating The Shakes’, a summer repeat about the evils of coffee addiction.  Cross your fingers for me tomorrow and hopefully I’ll have an announcement on the S & S launch! 

            Have a great week,

            Tom Waters

Quixote Wednesday Update: Up For Suggestions/Last Word On MJ…

    Okay. I’m not sure what to do with these Wednesday updates during the weeks when I don’t have anything to bitch about and when I’m not railing against a specific target.  The entire point of doing these Quixote Wednesdays (in the spirit of the namesake) was to rail against a lost cause, or to fight a battle that most people in their right mind wouldn’t fight.  So where do we go from here?

    I’d rather not plug or promote, because I do enough of that during the Monday Updates.  And I’d rather not piss and moan about something unless it’s really getting my goat, and I’m not always hopping mad about anything in particular every single week (after the Gamestop situation, that is).  So I’ll put this particular weekly installment in your hands, dear readers: would you rather a) see this feature disappear to be replaced by posts that aren’t so regular throughout the week, b) see a Quixote Wednesday Update when the mood strikes or c) hear me complain about something insignificant that happens to be bothering me every single week?

    Feedback is KEY here.  If I hear nothing by the end of this week, I’ll assume that no one is reading and that you really have no opinion whatsoever in this matter and I’ll just proceed to do whatever the hell I want.  I can tell by the stats that there are those of you who check in every Wednesday, so I would APPRECIATE some feedback here.  Feel free to email said feedback to:

    bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com

    Your emails will be anonymous if you wish or credited if you prefer.

    In the mean time, I’ll give you a parting crusade:

    The Michael Jackson funeral bandwagon is really starting to aggravate me this week.  For the last twenty or so years, most people couldn’t have cared less about his music, his career, or his personal character.  He was branded a freak or a medical curiosity by the media and he was more of a curiosity in the tabloids than anything else.  Now that he’s dead, every other person has branded him something close to a musical visionary, and his personal habits, proclivities and inclinations have been set aside.  I continue to be disgusted by the magnetic appeal of celebrity deaths.  

    Where were all of you hangers on for the last four or five albums?  How many of you own a Michael Jackson CD, and did you buy one before he died or afterwards?  Can you name an album he’s released aside from Thriller?  Let’s go in order, shall we?  Off The Wall, Thriller, Bad, Dangerous, History, Blood On The Dance Floor, and Invincible.  How many do you own?  Right.

    Don’t just jump into the cult of popular consensus because the man died.  I’m a fan of Michael’s music (and wrote about it FOUR years ago in If They Can’t Take A Joke), but I’ve read enough biographies about him that I’m almost positive he was a pedophile. 

    The majority of you are poseurs, and you make me sick.  This sort of sheep-thinking leads me to believe that the nation would weep over Vlad The Impaler if he passed away suddenly under media fanfare in our day and age.  Don’t hop onto something that you know nothing about and don’t latch onto a cause or the passing of a famous person of interest if you had no clue about them in the first place. 

    ENOUGH with the MJ nonsense.  Really.  Fuck off with it.  Join a Jonas Brothers fan club or buy some Bills season tickets if you feel that you need to belong to some cause that everyone else is into.  The stir that his death has caused (and the nation of people who have flip-flopped now that he’s dead) astound me and should embarrass them.  

    The sort of people who get suddenly wrapped up in cultural phenomena for the sake of it truly make me sick.  You are cattle, plain and simple.  Pick your own interests, stick with them and don’t believe or follow what your televisions tell you is important.

    Okay, so this turned out to be a pretty good Quixote Wednesday.  Final thoughts?  Fuck off, MJ-come-lately’s. 

    Again, email with your thoughts on the Wednesday situation: bigwordsmailbag@yahoo.com 

    Talk to you soon,

    Tom Waters  

Monday Big Words Update! Recognition, Expansion & Promotion

What a difference a few days make!

    Brian Meyer from The Buffalo News was kind enough to let me know that ‘Cherish Your Freedom On Independence Day’ (the My View piece that ran on July 4th) was their #1 article on buffalonews.com for July 4th and the better part of July 5th!  I was hoping that the article would strike a chord with readers, but I had no idea it would hit home with so many!  I was astonished last year when I found out that the Town Of Lancaster sealed ‘Lancaster Feels Like Home To Me’ into a 100 year time capsule, but this is quite a milestone in its own right.  Thanks to all of you who read My View and thanks for all the kind words of praise.  It means a lot. 

    In addition, I’ve been spending some time this weekend getting the word out online on The Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Hour.  Without getting into too much technical mumbo jumbo, I’ve syndicated some of the earlier shows on to podomatic.com and listed the show on a great deal of directories and feed aggregators.  This basically means that there’ll be more online beacons for the uninitiated to find the show.  While the mypodcast.com site has plenty of room and looks sharp, they’ve been having some problems with tracking accurate statistics in the last six weeks, so I’m looking at some alternatives for setting up shop down the road.  In the mean time, I’ll be experimenting with some of these other free hosting sites and seeing which one works best before setting up shop for good on another site.  If you want to check out, become a fan of, or subscribe to the sister site, here’s the address:

    http://www.bigwordsradio.podOmatic.com

    The stats for the show on podomatic are pretty all-inclusive and they give me a better indicator of how well each show is doing, how many people are listening, etc.  My goals for Big Words Radio Year 2 are to reach a larger audience, book bigger and better celebrities, and scale back on the number of new shows in order to strive for quality over quantity.  I’ll be implementing a lot of these goals over the course of this summer.

    And later this month (as well as the beginning of August), I’ll be taking part in the Buffalo Infringement Festival downtown to promote Slapstick & Superego before the official launch.  I’m still ironing out the details for the launch, but here are the dates, locations and times where you can catch me during Infringement:

    7/25 9pm Nietzsche’s (Part of Space Alien Love Fest)
    7/26 5pm – 7pm Rust Belt Books (Solo)
    7/26 5pm – 8:30pm Rock Harbor Yard (Part of Zombie Fest)
    8/1 9pm Nobody’s Art Center (Part of Nobody’s Pirate Party)
    8/2 8pm Nietzsche’s (Part of Infringement Awards Ceremony and Closing Party)

    A big thanks goes out to organizer Josh Smith for working around my hectic schedule to make this happen as well as the rest of the organizers for the Buffalo Infringement Festival.  This will be the first time I’ve taken part in Infringement, so I’m looking forward to the experience and I’m intrigued to meet and greet with some of the other artists, poets, musicians and writers taking part in the event.  If you’re calendar is free at the end of July or the beginning of August, come out and say hi!

    And finally, Night Life magazine hits the stands with a vengeance today with ‘How To Be A Slob -or- Why Martha Stewart Won’t Return My Phone Calls’, an older essay from Zany Hijinx. 

    That’s all I’ve got for you today.  Lindsay and I are still working on getting a word processing program for our loaner, so I’m holding off on writing anything new since I abhor Wordpad and would rather wait to write on something I’m familiar with.  I’ll talk to you all in two days,

    Tom Waters

2 poems in AV this week, My View this weekend…

    I was thumbing through ArtVoice yesterday and was pleasantly surprised to see that they ran ‘token excuses for block’ and ‘listening to thelonius monk’ (from Breathing Room Volume I) in their ‘in the margins section’ in this week’s issue!  I still don’t have the slightest idea when the Joe Nickell interview is running (if ever) along with another piece I was assigned to write, spent money on and wrote LAST SUMMER, so it was nice to see a few poems that were recently accepted run so soon.  As for the other two, this has happened so many times with no clear indicator as to why the pieces haven’t run that I’ve lost any hope of them seeing print in AV.

    As for other publications, be on the lookout in the Buffalo News My View section this weekend (most likely on July 4th) for ‘Declaration’, a new essay I wrote about how Independence Day means a lot more to me than just fireworks and backyard barbeques.  I showed it to my buddy Brendan (the same one who recently co-hosted Episode 40) and he gave it the thumbs up, so odds are that it’s going to go over like gangbusters.  

     I hope you enjoy your 4th of July and don’t forget to grab a copy of ArtVoice and the Buffalo News this weekend!

    Tom Waters 

2 New Shows! Episode 40: ‘Septuagenarian Stew’ & Will Holton Live @ The Tralf!

    Yesterday’s show was ridiculous!  A big thanks goes out to Mike ‘ring a ding’ Mariani and Gun Nut Brendan for bringing their A game and keeping the dialogue snappy and laugh-out-loud funny.  You won’t believe it until you hear it:

 

Episode 40 Synopsis:

    With no celebrity guest in sight, Tom viciously attacks his good buddy Mike. Gun-nut Brendan returns as co-host emeritus to get a few cheap shots in while mourning the loss of Michael Jackson.

 

    And I finally finished editing and posting Will Holton’s fantastic concert from mid-April at the Tralf.  I’m still peeved that the hour of conversation we had in November was lost (due to a technical glitch with the recording program I work on), but I’m glad his music made it through the process:

 

Will Holton Live At The Tralf:

     National recording artist Will Holton plays out to a sold-out crowd at the Tralfamadore in downtown Buffalo during a multi-city tour to promote the release of his debut album ‘Always’. 

 

    Thanks again to Will Holton and Tony Shep for the VIP passes and Jesse Rejewski of JR Audio for full access to the sound boards during the show.  The sound quality is top notch and if you enjoy jazz, you’re in for a treat.

 

    To hear both shows online, pop on over to http://www.bigwordsradio.mypodcast.com .

    To subscribe for free on iTunes, search ’Big Words Radio’ in the Podcasts section.

 

    And with that, I’m completely caught up on the older shows!  Next week, I can start recording some new material and causing more mayhem in the greater Buffalo area.  Have a great rest of the week and enjoy the shows!

    Tom Waters   

Monday Big Words Update! Clearing The Slate

By the end of this week, I’ll be completely caught up on all previous radio shows.  At some point in the next two days, I’ll be posting a concert with Buffalo jazz great Will Holton live from the Tralf.  I also found a hilarious bonus clip from the anniversary show with Zombie Chris.  You can find that on the Big Words Radio site right now!  Aside from a few other odds and ends, that brings me totally up to speed so that I can finally start working on some new One Man Mobile Units. 

    And it looks like my co-host Man-Whore Mike and myself will be flying solo this Wednesday for the Think Twice in-studio date, so buckle up, because my only recourse is a no-holds barred skewering of my co-host ala the Auntie Linda episode.  The shows were beginning to get tame anyway, so this should be a nice return to core values. 

    It took three months to get the radio show current, from building a new site and porting all of the previous shows to editing and producing the backlog.  Sadly, my interview with Will Holton from November is lost to the ages, along with the final Monsters Of Verse performance.  The show must go on, though. 

    And whenever we get our new computer in, I’ve got some serious catching up to do with the Buffalo Anthology Project, as well as the working manuscript for poke the scorpion with a sharp stick.  The downside of having such a productive year is that it’s going to take me another six months to get caught up with the existing material I have.  Between those two tasks and the upcoming promotional launch for Slapstick & Superego, I’m gonna have my hands full for the rest of this calendar year without writing so much as one more word.  It’s good to be busy, but it stinks just a little bit that I can’t continue to create some new essays at the expense of short-changing three very full time endeavors.  I’ve got a lot of work to do.

    I’m still working on a venue and launch date for Slapstick & Superego.  I hope to have some concrete details by week’s end so that we can set a date, schedule some radio appearances and work on getting some posters up in any place that’s pliable to a stapler.  I can’t work on the anthology until I can access the existing manuscript and start popping the new submissions in, so I’m stuck waiting for perhaps another few weeks.  So we wait a little while longer…

    And the new issue of Night Life magazine hits the stands today with ‘Butch & Tom’, a reprint of an older essay about how much I’m turning into my father in my old age. 

    That’s all I’ve got for today.  I’m getting really sick of complaining about the same things this summer and I’m sure you are too, but I don’t have a choice other than being happy with what little forward progress I’ve been able to make on the creative endeavors I have access to.  Have a great week,

    Tom Waters